anyone have experience of obsessive friends (YR)

[littlekitty4]

first of all the child concerned mum came up to me last week and said how pleased she is that mine and her dds are friends as just before my dd started the school she was going to pull her out as she was not settling in at all and was not making any friends....said child has a serious obsession with my dd, as in wants everything she has ie lunch box coat shoes and even wants everyone to call her by my dds name, which at first i thought was really sweet, but now my dd is getting angry and upset as said child will not leave her alone, cries and calls dd mean if she plays with anyone else (dd very social likes to play with lots of children) dd is scared teacher will tell her off for not playing with this child..this morning said child came running towards us at drop off time calling her name, dd ran away screaming please please just leave me alone today...i said the usual thats not a nice thing to do...had a quick word with the teacher who explained she was aware of it and was keeping an eye on it...and that she has not and never will tell dd off for being mean if she plays with other children and she has explained to this child that dd is not being mean...now my dilemma is should i just ignore this and let the pair of them sort it out between them, or should i start putting a bit of distance between them socially, i dont want dd getting herself all angry and upset but at the same time i dont want the other child getting upset, she is a bit of a loner already bless her..

Do not ignore it - and let others worry about the other child. Your priority is your dd who is very unhappy playing with this girl (as, clearly, are all the other children in the class). Running away is quite an extreme reaction and I would take it seriously - a 5-year-old can't manage a friend who is this clingy and needs help from the adults.

Talk to your dd every night about who she played with and support her in her choices - reiterate the fact that the teacher says it is fine for her to play with other children - and ask the teacher if she has been okay at the end of each day. I would give it a couple of days and then ask for a meeting with the teacher if nothing changes.

My dd also in reception has a similar issue with a girl in her class. This girl was on holiday last week and my dd was much happier. The first thing she said when she saw her again on Monday was "I don't want to play with x" and went all quiet and sad. My dd is also very sociable and likes to play with lots of children but this girl keeps dragging her away. She also says mean things if my dd doesn't play with her, takes out her hair slides and refuses to return them or pulls her hood off of her coat (which is a big issue when you're only 5!). I have spoken to the teacher and she has spoken to both girls: telling my dd that she needs to tell an adult if this girl does anything to upset her and telling the friend that she needs to widen her social circle. Things have improved, now that her teacher has spoken to her my dd feels more confident about dealing with it. They have become less close as a result, although the friend is still keen to play with my dd but it seems she is being helped to make other friendships.