Changed schools - tell me it gets easier emotionally

[BogeyNights]

we changed our DCs school two years ago. The youngest is thriving and has a good set of friends at school and I think he's pretty happy and content with school life.

The eldest just doesn't seem to have settled socially. His school work has improved greatly - which is why we moved schools - so job done and what we set out to improve has improved. But socially he still feels an outcast.

I have my 'mummy goggles' on, but I really do believe he is a lovely kid. He's kind, polite, tries to be funny, likes to have fun and a giggle, loves football and is emotionally very caring of others. Maybe that's his downfall...

I want him to toughen up and stop taking everything to heart. He's 9 and in Y4. I ask him to invite people back after school, but he doesn't want to. DS says other boys talk down to him in class and in the playground and that makes him fed up.

Has anyone been through this? Does it eventually click and everything gets better and easier? Do you think it's his age and hormones that are making it all so difficult for him to handle?

I have a boy a bit like that, he seems to have a few friends though now.

If your boy is not unhappy I would leave him be. Some people are just not social animals so to speak.

Also, I do not think boys who happen to be sensitive need to toughen up. Nobody needs to toughen up imo, some people are just a bit soft and caring and sensitive, it is actually a good thing to be, isn't it?

Could you ask a member of staff if your DS seems happy at school?
My DD often came home from her new school telling me she had no-one to hang around with and no-one to eat lunch with. Yet a friend's DD told me that my DD was really popular at school, had loads of friends and looked really happy.
I told DD I had been told this and she just laughed and never mentioned not having any friends again. No idea why she did it but it turned out I was getting stressed unecessarily.

I work in a school and am always happy to keep an extra eye on a pupil if a parent is concerned about them and to report back and reassure them if I can.

Hi

We moved our dd Yr2, in September and although she seemed happy and loved her new school, it is only in the last few weeks I have felt she is now part of it all and accepted with the others, finding her own niche within the group. I am surprised it has taken so long really, although no one could have said she wasn't alright, it just feels that she is really settled now.

However, 2 years is a long time for any child, does he say he is unhappy and if so what is that makes him unhappy? Is it you projecting how he feels? My friend's son is a bit of a loner and sensitive and she has only just come to accept that that is how he is, however much she wants him to join in and be part of the group, it isn't 'him', but that doesn't mean to say he is unhappy, it would make my friend unhappy to be like that, but he is quite content! Could your son just be like this?

I certainly would talk to the teachers, he may be fine at school, the fact his work is good surely says something, if he was really miserable and unhappy, one would think his work would suffer.

I hope you manage to find out the problem and a solution, if one is needed, there is nothing worse than believing your child is unhappy or struggling.

Thanks. I agree that I don't really want him to change and get tough, but I want him to realise that he doesn't have to show his feelings in front of everyone, only people he chooses to. And that not everyone has to get on with him.

He is doing ok academically, so you're right that that does mean a lot. And perhaps he's just not found someone to bond with that's on his 'wavelength' yet. He's not into anything really except football; no gadgets, no computer games/consoles, no particular music etc, although he enjoys these things, they are not 'his world' like football is.

I think it all gets on top of him sometimes and he tells me all his worries. AGain, this is good because at least he's talking to me.

I suppose it stems a lot from me feeling guilty for taking him away from his old school. Although I know that if he's making good progress with his work that this is important. Friends can come and go. School work doesn't really wait for you to catch up all the time.