Don't know where to turn

[birchykel]

Hi all, I am a concerned mother.
My 9YO daughter has struggled with concentration for about a year and half now the school never helped when I first spoke to them about it but told me she would catch up and gave me some ideas on how to help her at home. Ok so we did all that and still do if not more to help her. At present she is still struggling a lot, hasn't caught up how she should have and she doesn't seem to understand what is being asked of her.
Example, she had maths homework, couldn't remember what she had to do. So I told her to speak to her teacher again, comes home and says her teacher explained and she understood, she sat down and had no idea. She needed her dad to sit with her and explain it all and then finally she got it and was able to work it all out. Probably doesn't sound too bad and maybe normal for kids her age but even when we talk to her we can see that she isn't taking anything in her eyes are everywhere else and she can't repeat what was said to her.

I want to speak to the school again but am worried they will fob me off, my partner was to pay for a private assessment to see of there is a real problem so we can go to the school and say 'right look there's the proof now please help her' but I don't even know if that is possible.

No idea where to start as I am not sure what the problem really is except she can't concentrate or hold information.

Any advice would be gratefully received.
X

Sounds like she needs a medical check up.

Could it be something like [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_disorder Attention Deficit Disorder - Predominantly Inattentive]]?

Which is basically ADHD without hyperactivity.....

What about it being a receptive language problem? If she isn't understanding what's said to her in the first place then it's no wonder she doesn't remember it. If she isn't understanding what's going on, is it any wonder that she doesn't concentrate?

Probably worth doing a bit of googling for...

I agree toomuchicecream and believe me I've tried telling the school that I'm concerned and think she needs more help but they fob me off but after seeing her struggle this week then I'm pushing to get this sorted. It's not fair on her.

Tried google but seems I need to know what to 'label' her for any info.

indigobell I'll take a look at that thanks.

I'd start by putting "receptive language" into google. Or SLCN - speech, language and communication needs. Don't be scared by the severity of some of the stuff you find, or the use of the word disability etc etc. IF she does have receptive language problems, there's loads and loads the school can do to help her without too much trouble.

Unfortunately, in my (limited) experience, there's far too little knowledge in schools of receptive and expressive language problems. In most cases a child has to be experiencing severe difficulties for it to be picked up.

IDP SLCN (inclusion development programme) is the material put together by the last Government for teachers to work through to get themselves up to speed with speech and language problems. IF your research suggests this might be your DD's area of need, you could download it and work through it in a couple of hours - that would give you the knowledge to go and speak to the school with confidence.

How's her hearing?

Did she not have concentation issues before 18 months ago, or do you mean that was when it was first flagged up?

If they appeared out of the blue, then I'd start by having ears/eyes tested and see if she's struggling with them.

What happens when people explain the rules of a new board game, or some other fun activity to her? Does she understand what they're saying?

Her hearing is fine although did have grommets fitted but that was two years ago and we got them checked march this year and one has fallen out but they did a hearing test and it was fine.
She has to wear glasses for tv, whiteboard, reading etc.

I have always seen a problem since she was little but at the time I didn't see it as a problem as everyone around me would say its her age, it's normal for kids to be like that....I didn't think any different. But as she got older I thought it was a problem but admittlingly I didn't look to far into it as again the school reassured me she would get better as time went on.
But in year 3 there was problems, I was told after half a year of her being in year 3 that she was 6months behind in reading and a year behind in maths. I tried to help my daughter, kept talking to the teacher about ideas but they still said she would catch up in year 4. Well she is in year 4 now since sept last year and has caught up slightly but the teacher said not enough for her age.....he told us to do things at home with her which we have always done anyway and then told us that life isn't just about being clever its about personality etc etc which yes he has a point but not what u want to hear as a parent when ur child is struggling.
I spoke to him today and I have a meeting with him Monday evening.
I have to try not to get frustrated with her though as I find it hard that she is the way she is, sounds awful I know but sometimes I can't help but think for god sake you should know this......nasty I know. Just feel helpless and want her to get on well but my frustration isn't going to help.

Oh and as for the board games, it depends on how difficult the game is. Twister is self explanatory where maybe something like game of life I would have to help her as she went along as it would go over her head.

birchykel:

I think the suggestions about vision/ hearing or possibly exploring potential for a learning disability all seem reasonable.

I wonder though whether the issue may be that of habit - as you've indicated that there have been hearing problems in the past intermittently. Perhaps your DD has become used to not paying attention, because she was struggling to follow what was being said and would carry out work/ play games/ etc... so she's developed the habit of learning what to do by simply following what others were doing or reading directions.

Do you think your DD is better with written than verbal directions? It may be that she needs to develop skills with attentiveness to auditory instructions.

It may sound mad but learning a musical instrument could well help with this.

Both our girls are very easily distracted, so we actually ask them to repeat the instructions they're given every now and then, especially when its a bit complicated (go to your room with this laundry, put the clothes away, but leave the swimming suit out for swimming tonight - then get your library books and put them in your school bag - if you haven't already, make sure you have your tuck money and water bottle - at first DD1 would forget to even put her laundry away after going upstairs, she's gradually got to the stage now of remembering the whole lot).

We also play a lot of silly word games in the car where we each add a word to a sentence and then repeat the sentence - building those hearing/ remembering skills. Another good one is to think of animals or plants beginning with a letter - so animals beginning with A - aardvark, ant, anteater, antelope.... but you have to repeat all the animals already said. You can also do it alphabetically and just keep repeating the alphabet, but only once skills are very strong.

HTH

Pastsellbydate: thanks for advice I really helped. I didn't think that she could of got so used to not being able to concentrate that it has become a habit.
We play games similar to what you have said, she isn't too bad with those.

Spoke to teacher and he going to talk to their senco to see what she says and also set up a 'brilliant book' where teacher and parents put all positive things about the child....whether it will help my daughter is another thing.

He also suggested a trip to the doctors to make sure it isn't a medical problem.
And he asked about bullying, which I'm sure she isn't being bullied.we have a good relationship and she tells me lots but I am keeping eye open for this.

I ask my daughter to repeat instructions, she gets to first one and that's it. How old are your girls?
Mine is 9 so it worries me a lot.
Xx

Birchykel:

My dd has had all the same issues as your child. We too put it down to the same things you have - trusted school, thought it was an age thing, thought shed improve with age etc. Only difference is our dd has never had the glasses.

Our dd is now 11 and we are fighting school tooth and nail. They are saying she's perfect educationally.

We have recently had a private speech and language report and full cognitive assessment, which prove our concerns and basically quash everything her school have told us.

This has still not got us any help though, which is where the fighting comes in I'm afraid.

Basically our daughter's got the age equivalent language ability of a 6y 5m (half her age)!!!

Also, she has dyslexia. We've not had the full report from cognitive assessment, so I don't know age equivalents but I do know school are lying to us and our concerns are justified. We know our daughter more than anyone and please go with your instincts.

Good luck! X

Littlelegsmum:

Do you mind if I ask how you got an assessment done on ur daughter?
I have no idea go about it, I too want to go private but no idea where to start.

It's disgusting that u are still fighting the school, I don't understand how these schools get away with it. They have a duty of care.

Some days I think it's just her attitude that is causing her to lose concentration but then other days I really worry and think no I'm right she needs to be checked.

Hope ur daughter is doing ok now.xxx

Hi birchykel:

Sorry not to get back to you sooner. DD1 is 9 in Y4 and DD2 is 7 in Y2.

I think the difficulty is working out whether it is an auditory processing problem, a bad habit or something more serious - as many have suggested. I think it is a good start that your DD will meet with the SENCo and get some assessment in terms of learning disabilities. It also sounds like the teachers are noticing these issues too. It may be that your DD is in fact very clever and has developed a whole host of coping mechanisms to keep level pegging which are now starting to be strained as work/ explanation/ reading becomes more complicated. This isn't uncommon with dyslexia, especially in girls from what I undrestand (MIL was a dyslexic therapist in Essex, now retired).

I hope whatever it turns out to be that there is a solution but in the meantime you are taking first steps to finding a solution and I'm sure your DD is very lucky to have you on her side.

Should it turn out to be dyslexia please be assured that although there are down sides it also has its blessings. DH is severely dyslexic but has a photographic memory and amazing recall - a skill I'm hugely envious of. There's a great website about famous dyslexics, which also helps to assure children that being dyslexic doesn't mean you can't go on to be successful: www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/about-dyslexia/famous-dyslexics.html

Hang in there and best of luck.

If this is a problem that you can see yourself why is the school at fault particularly? Have you not taken her to be checked medically?

Birchykel - I come across this regularly. I would ask school to refer her to your local Speech & Language Therapy service for a full language assessment. Often difficulties become more apparent when children enter KS2 where there is more demand upon their independent working & language skills. Instructions are longer and vocabulary more complicated. How are her levels of frustration & self esteem? You are obviously rightly worried.

I am not sure where you live and what the referral system is to SLT services but often it is quicker if you or the school refer directly rather than going though the GP. Private assessments are an often but often expensive but then NHS waiting lists can be long. If you want to pm me I am more than happy to answer any questions
Good luck

Hi OP, I'd go of a private assessment. My daughter was 15 when finally she was diagnosed with dyslexia and an auditory processing disorder. The two are closely linked & the relief for my DD once she understood what the auditory processing disorder was was huge. Best not to self diagnose as we & DD primary school did. They too felt she had ADD because of her poor concentration but above average intelligence, good spelling & reading. Shame DD couldn't understand much of what she could so brilliantly read...

A diagnosis will help in this situation. We were scared of giving our DC (youngest also has dyslexia), a label. Wish we stopped fearing that & paid for a private diagnosis years earlier! Good luck with your child. It may be a fight, but it'll be a fight worth winning.

Hi again, So sorry it's taken me so long to get back - I keep loosing these threads!

Anyway, I had DD assessed here www.dyslexiaaction.org.uk/

They brought in an independant assessor, who did a full assessment.

Good luck! x

Oh muttered that's terrible that it took so long to get sorted, poor u and ur poor daughter. They don't seem to make it easy do they?
Glad u got ur youngest assessed earlier, how is it all going now?

Littlelegs thanks for link I shall take a look

I haven't really put all blame on the school it's just when I speak to them they seem to make me feel like I'm a parent who is going on and worrying over nothing and then when they do say they will put things into place they actually don't do it so then I do turn into a nagging parent.
The teacher set up this brilliant book, worked well for two days but then it seems I'm writing lots in there and the teacher doesn't even though it was his idea and he said everyday we both have to write positive things in there about my daughter. So yeh I don't have a lot of faith as it seems have hearted from the schools side.

Rant over. Lol.
Thanks for all help and advice though