Private School Day Visit

[Charlie2000]

We are considering moving our dd to a private school due to being unhappy with her current primary. She has been invited to this school for a day visit to see if she likes it but what do I tell her primary school about why she is not going to be at school that day? I don't think they will be very impressed that we are considering moving her and I don't want ds to be treated differently because of this.

I moved my DD to a private school last term and left my DS in his state primary. When she went for the visit to the new school I just phoned her in sick as I really didnt want to get into a discussion with the school at that point and even though we knew we were definitely going to move her we thought it could take some time to find the right school and didnt want to involve the current school until the last possible moment.

When she went back to school the next day she told some of the children that she had been to look at another school. However, we stressed to her that we were only looking and that she might not go there so not to mention it if she could help it.

We took her to the new school on monday morning, had the offer by monday afternoon but didnt get it in writing until the wednesday. We asked the new school not to contact the current school until we had received the letter and told them ourselves. It was all confirmed and out in the open by the Thursday.

The primary school were polite but unimpressed that we were moving her but I made a point that it was because she was miserable and not because we were unhappy with the school and I stressed that DS was very happy and that he would be staying. I also put it in writing and gave it directly to the head.

It was vital that I kept good relations with the school and it seems to have worked. DS was unhappy that his sister was leaving and couldnt understand that she was unhappy and his teacher worked hard to reassure him that it was best for her. He now appears to hve forgotten that they ever went to the same school and he is completely unaffected.

We were in a similar situation last year, but I told the school the true reason why DD would not be there. I'd already had a few discussions with her teacher about DD being unhappy and, whilst it probably raised a few eyebrows in the staff room, I had a decent relationship with the teacher and trusted her to carry on treating DD as normal. I did though stress that we hadn't made any decision on the issue, and I asked DD not to tell all and sundry until a decision had been made (that bit didn't work though!)

Interested to read this thread as DD1 yr 1 is going for a visit/assessment day at a private school next week. She is not unhappy at her current school and at the moment has no inkling of our thoughts. I am planning on broaching it with her this saturday so she has 3 days to get used to the idea.

Luckily we are sending her on an inset day at her current school so don't have to worry about making excuses, however I am worried about the fact that she is likely to talk about it the day after in school. We are going to explain to her that we just want her to visit and see what its like (decision not made yet) but I can't imagine it is going to be easy when word gets out. I cant see any way round this?

We have no significant issues with her current school - just lack of progress and stimulation and a mixed class next year where she is going to be up to 2yrs older than some. So the school also have no idea that we are even thinking about moving her. Teacher just gone on maternity leave and no relationship as yet with maternity cover.

Any suggestions as how to approach things with DD? How are the school likely to react if they find out but we then don't move her?
thanks

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To be honest I wouldn't send her for a visit until it is at least 80+% certain that you will send her. And then I would look for a visit date as close to your preferred transfer date as possible (no more than say 2 or 3 weeks beforehand). In the meantime, do be sure that you have looked round it during the school day etc, and you are happy with what you see. It is unfair to expect a 6 year old to make the decision, especially one that involves leaving a settled group of friends. Only send her if it is very likely that she will be moving in the near future. If something happens on the visit that makes you change your mind then that should then be easier to explain to your dd.

Thanks Ladymuck. We are pretty certain and had a 2hr visit during school day. They suggested that she spend the day there as they won't offer a place for september without assessment (although she wont know she is being assessed). Normally they go through this process in the spring term.

I am not expecting her to make the decision as I know she will not want to leave her friends, but I do want to be able to assess her reaction to the school without it only compeletely coloured by not wanting to leave her friends iyswim. There is an open morning the following weekend, so if she is offered a place then we will go to that as a family before making a definite decision.

Word getting out at her current school before we are ready to do that though is a problem - but unavoidable I suppose.

If the open day is important to you, then I would ask for the assessment day to be postponed until after that. I do really think that you want to be able to sell the assessment day to your dd as her chance to meet her new school and to minimise any uncertainty for her.

We are in a very similar position to you - we want to send ds to a new (private) school in September due to him being quite unhappy where he is and because ....well, because I don't much rate his current school in any case.

DS knows that the plan is for him to change school in September. AFAIK, he hasn't said anything to anyone at school yet. But I've been dithering about what to do regarding taster days and telling his current school. I suppose my conclusion is that, by the time we get around to taster days, it will be 99.9% certain that ds is defintely going to a new school so I will ask for a day off and explain why. They'll be finding out soon enough, anyway.