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Primary education

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Pecking order - boys Y3

5 replies

ChipOnMyShoulder · 30/04/2012 14:13

Can anyone help?

I'm a bit worried about DS1, 8 in July. He's a sweet boy, very bright but rather immature (one of the youngest in the class). He's not at all street wise or cool, but I don't mind about that. He's not very confident, cries easily, but is anxious to please and kind. I can't help comparing him to some of the older boys in the class, who seem very confident and good at everything. Some are verging on being a bit arrogant (not a good thing imo), but DS really looks up to these boys. There is one in particular who he's very impressed by. This boy is a terrible boaster and quite mean to my DS sometimes, although he's been to our house a few times, and is meant to be one of his best friends. DS just seems to take this because he likes this boy so much, and there have been cases where he tells me his friends have made him be 'it' in tag, and then made it impossible to be caught, iyswim. Not sure if this equates to mild bullying - I certainly think DS is an easy target and isn't good at standing up for himself, although we're working on this.

Does anyone have experience of this kind of situation. I suppose I'm worried that DS's place in the class hierarchy will always be at the lower end of things. If things are like this in Y3, will they change, or is the way it will be until they go to secondary school? I can't help hope that some of the arrogant boys will get their comeuppance one day, but maybe I'm deluding myself...

Sorry, just reread this and it's a complete ramble. But I'd be interested to hear from anyone who's been through anything similar.

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Sittinginthesun · 30/04/2012 14:30

Just written a lovely long reply, and lost it!

Briefly, I have an 8 year old boy, was shy and bullied myself, and so have been endeavouring to avoid this for DS.

IMO, the trick is to build up his own self confidence. Every time he shows in interest in something, grab it. School work, sport, music, gardening etc. If he feels confident in himself, he will not feel remotely bothered by his friends boasting and showing off, because he will see it for what it is - usually insecurity on their part!

ChipOnMyShoulder · 30/04/2012 14:48

Thanks, sittinginthesun. I do try to boost his self confidence, but he's also a terrible perfectionist, which makes praising him difficult sometimes.

To be honest, I think his friends' behaviour bothers me more than it bothers my DS. I just want them to be nicer to him!

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smee · 30/04/2012 15:55

Why don't you talk to the teachers if you're worried? Teachers should have a view and they might reassure you too. Smile

amidaiwish · 01/05/2012 13:26

can you try and encourage some other friendships, rather than the one ds is "impressed by" and is mean to him. Doesn't sound like a great friendship to me and i would be actively encouraging others. Does your ds have any specific interests (Harry Potter, club penguin, lego ninjago, chess? etc...) i think a shared interest is a great basis for building firm friendships at this age.

ChipOnMyShoulder · 01/05/2012 14:52

Yes, amidaiwash. Currently obsessed with paper aeroplanes, to the exclusion of everything else. I think only 2 other boys in his class are too, but not to the same degree, which is a shame....

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