Why would a year 6 pupil suddenly start behaving badly at school after being a 'model' pupil?

[sandyballs]

Since she has gone back after Easter DD has been messing around at school, not listening to the teachers, answering back, talking loudly and showing off. School have spoken to her to get to the bottom of the sudden change in behaviour and kept her in etc without success. The first I have heard about this is when the deputy head rang this morning to discuss her concerns with me.

Nothing different at home, although I have noticed her being extra hyper and not listening.

I'm going to talk to her tonight and withdraw a few 'privileges' but wanted a MN view. Is this common in otherwise well behaved kids at this stage of year 6, I realise they are ready to move on. But secondary scares me if she is going to behave badly.

Is she getting hormonal?
Are other girls in the class behaving in a similar way?
Is she worried about SATs/secondary school?
Bullying?

simple answer: Boys.

I think it's very common for lots of Y6 DC to decide they are 'too cool for school' during Y6. It's a complete pain, but it's often the more able, more mature pupils who have been really complient up to now. IMO, it's due to growing out of primary school and being ready for the challenge of secondary combined with a hormone rush. What to do about it is another matter, any suggestions welcome.

It won't necessarily mean that she'll be badly behaved at secondary. She's pushing the boundaries in the safe environment of primary school. Discipline is stricter at secondary, usually and everything is more challenging. They are used to stroppy teens and pre teens!

No sign of any body changes, she's rake thin and sporty so think she'll develop later. She's very easily led, wants to impress the others, which we are working on. No worry about SATs as far as I am aware, expected to get 5's in everything. There were worries about secondary but she has now got her first choice.

Boys - interesting one! Do you think she's showing off to impress boys then? I have noticed a few texts from a couple of lads in her class.

She's always been too chatty in class but it would only take a word from the teacher for her to stop, so to hear that she's blatantly carrying on acting the arse has made me livid. No guides tonight for her, or football tomorrow, or much all weekend really I think.

sandy, I think the boy factor is HUGE. My DD was similar, wanted the boys to like her, did ever more stupid things to convince them she was cool. sigh!

Now I have a year 7 boy who is going through the exact same thing. trying to be mr popular and impress the girlies. Major trouble at school as a result - he's on School Action for behaviour, and most of it is inane chatter and silly attention seeking.

sandyballs:

By now your DD should know where she is going to school - has this been a disappointment to you? to her?

A lot of children here who don't pass the 11+ and end up going to the local secondary schools (which are perfectly o.k.) do feel quite dejected. There is also a lot of shifting friendships at this juncture. Friends who are going to a different school may exclude former friends who are not going on to that school with them.

Your DD may be navigating all of this and feeling simultaneously nervous, disappointed, unhappy and scared and this could well explain her behaviour, especially if she feels she's losing all her friends.

If this is the case it is really important to try and remind her about the people they know who are already at their new secondary school, who is coming to the school with them from their primary school. She may well be feeling it's all going wrong, she's worked hard and for what? etc... and may need a bit of time, attention and support whilst she goes through this transition.

This is probably the first major change for her - and she may be finding it really scary.

HTH

As EJidnotmynamesays the brightest and mature ones are simply ready to move on.

For a few heady intoxicating weeks they are absolute top dogs, with SATs, residentials and plays the world really does revolve around them.

They've learnt all that primary can teach them. They are not little girls anymore they don't feel bound by little girls rules.

Primary school is their kingdom to do as they please with, they no longer need the protection of the teachers to feel safe there. The brightest ones know they are cleverer than the staff anyway.

They are ready to move on and petrified too!

In their heart of hearts they know that this wonderful feeling of being the biggest and the best cannot last.

My DD2 knows there are goodbyes she doesn't want to say, level six SATS she may not get and a whole scary adult world out there she doesn't want to face.

So far her year are being better than some, but the end of term is some weeks away.

Fortunately their teacher is an old hand at this game. She's a past master at gently but firmly reining in Y6. She's seen it all before.

Hormones and what startail said. Even if she's not looking teenagey yet, most of them seem to start getting a bit stroppy by 10-12.

And the Sats pressure plus end of primary school being in sight does seem to change their attitude. DS was always a bit of a goody-two-shoes, but in the spring of year 6 bought himself a mobile phone & started spending lots of time messing around with it, started getting a bit rebellious with school uniform etc etc. All his friends were the same.

Girls weren't a factor for him at that stage - that started in year 7. But I wouldn't be surprised if some of the girls were at least starting to talk about trying to impress the boys (I think there were some letters home about inappropriate make-up wearing that year).

Thanks for replies, I do understand that it is a time of big change and uncertainty and they are top dogs etc. But for the deputy head to ring, then her behaviour must be quite bad. Do you not think she should be punished? Surely her behaviour should still have consequences, regardless of whether she is nervous about the future, trying to impress her peers, whatever. Being lippy to teachers isn't something I can take lightly. DD hasn't mentioned any of this to me, but I have noticed her behaviour at home has changed, she thinks she can do as she pleases as though she was 16/17, not 11.

What EllenJane said.

Consequences, definitely. But don't worry too much about the future, it's a pretty normal developmental stage. She may become a difficult teenager at some point, but that, too, is just a stage to get through.

I don't think I'm ready for this next stage of parenting, bring back sleepless nights and toddler tantrums, seems a breeze in comparison

Sandy, I'm with you. I can push swings, kiss better scraped knees and I can read stories. What I can't do is play Minecraft, help with Spanish homework or advise on girlfriends.

It will be entirely different at secondary school - I trained as a KS2 teacher, but have taught everything from Y1 to Y12. When I started at a secondary school, my colleague taking me through a Y7 classlist referred to them as 'sweet' - I really did a double take, because in Primary Y6's are anything but sweet!

They enjoy top-dog status in Year 6, and usually only get worse once SATs are done. But they know they are living on borrowed time, and are generally meek and compliant again come September!

OP I'd stick to gentle consequences for your DD. I would be surprised if your DD is the only Y6 on the HTs radar.

My Y6 DD2 threw a massive tantrum in the car this evening.
I simply said I want tiding for her visitor not watching TV.
She cried and told me she hated me and then she sulked.

I let her have ice cream for tea and she said she loved me.

And since she has tidied, I must now give her a hug and send her to bed