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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Help - did your DC go to a different school to their friends?

30 replies

PoppadumPreach · 23/04/2012 15:25

OK, I'm having a bit of a flap and would appreciate your thoughts.

have applied to catchment school (school A) as we liked it best and there were logistical advantages. It is very likely we will get it. many kids from our village go to a closer school (school B) (it is in different county hence not catchment school).

I have just found out that at least one of my DC1s friends will be going to school B. I am worried all the others will get into school B to and my son will be only one going to school A.

I am fretting that my son is going to be friendless starting school - did this happen to anyone else? were they ok in making new friends? did they settle well?

having been all relaxed about this schools thing I'm now most definitely not.

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doormat · 23/04/2012 15:27

my ds is the only one who is going to his new high school in sept, yet he still feels confident in going knowing he only knows a couple of the oldre boys who attend there, most kids are resilient and will find new friends..i wouldnt worry , am sure he will be fine x

tantrumsandballoons · 23/04/2012 15:33

My dd was the only person from her primary school at her secondary school, in fact she didn't know anyone as she went to school in a different borough, 30 mins in the other direction to our catchment schools IYSWIM.

She is in year 10 now, has some lovely friends and settled in within a week.
I know it's nice for DCs to have a familiar face at a new school but honestly, children make friends really easily

Ohyoubadbadkitten · 23/04/2012 15:34

dd went to an out of catchment secondary school away from her friends (a couple went to the same school but they were in the 'other half' of the school. dd is quite intensely academic and very studious. I was really worried that she would be friendless and probably bullied.

All my fears were wrong :) it took her a little while to find friends. I had to remind her that those who make friends very quickly often spend a lot of time then trying to separate themselves from their new friendships (dunno if thats true but it worked for her). Took about half a term before she really settled in with friends but now she has a lovely friendship group with people from lots of different classes. dd is now really happy and talks lots about them.

Original poster

PoppadumPreach · 23/04/2012 15:36

thank you doormat- I'm sure you're right. dud your son know lots of kids who started primary school with him? (my son is 4 hence it's primary rather than secondary!)

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Sittinginthesun · 23/04/2012 15:37

DS1 didn't know a soul when he started as, despite it being our closest school, it was in a completely different direction from nursery, and all of his friends.

He was adamant that he didn't want any "new" friends. I was worried stiff.

It took one day. He came out telling me he had played with two children, and that was that! He is in Year 3 now, and he has a great group of friends, and is still in touch with his "out of school" friends from various clubs etc.

Original poster

PoppadumPreach · 23/04/2012 15:38

thank you tantrums and badkitten - both reassuring too (though again that's both for secondary rather than primary, but i'm sure the same applies at primary in fact possibly it's even easier then?)

i cannot believe i'm flapping this much - i have been so relaxed up until now.

the worrying just gets worse, right??

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doormat · 23/04/2012 15:40

no he knew no one in his primary school neither as we had to relocate to another area after the death of our other ds..he was 8 at the time and made lots of friends within the week...like other posters have stated, kids are soo resilient and make friends quickly, relax hun he will be fine x

Original poster

PoppadumPreach · 23/04/2012 15:46

doormat I am so terribly sorry about your other DS. but thank you so much for your kind, reassuring words.

sittinginthesun your post is very helpful too!

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doormat · 23/04/2012 15:48

poppadom its ok hun n bless you, but it just goes to show how resilient children are x

Ohyoubadbadkitten · 23/04/2012 17:39

Doh, sorry, didn't spot which topic it was in!

Angelico · 23/04/2012 17:45

I went to a totally different school from all the kids in my primary and quickly made friends. Don't worry about it.

JobCarHouseNoBaby · 23/04/2012 17:45

I have personal experience of this but at secondary school. I went to a local village primary school, then my parents decided to move to a new town to start secondary school so I knew nobody. It was horrible on my first day, I can still remember lining up outside my new tutor room not knowing anyone. In fact it took me until Year 8 to find any friends of my own as everyone stuck to their primary school groups.

However, that said, if your DC is only going to primary school I'd like to think that children that age are more friendly and willing to make friends with new people? So shouldn't be too much of a problem?

Sabriel · 23/04/2012 17:53

My DD went to nursery in a different town. All her friends went to the primary near the nursery and she knew no-one at her school. I wouldn't say it's been an easy ride for her but she does have some SEN so that didn't help.

There will be others who don't know anyone. I'm sure he'll be fine.

Tikkabillajive · 23/04/2012 18:22

My DD started primary school not knowing anyone there at all. I'd managed to make contact with a few of the mums from her class at the reception induction days, so we met up for a couple of plays over the summer but nothing more than that. On the first day she came home with two new best friends and the three of them have remained a tight little gang ever since (she is now in Y2)! She also counts everyone in her class as her friend and has never looked back.

There were quite a few others in her class who were new to the school (as well as a group who knew each other already as they had older siblings there) but the reception teacher and TA did such a good job of settling them in that they all seemed to find their feet - and friendships - very quickly.

Also, it is rather nice to have some friends who don't go to her school - we meet up regularly for tea after school and at weekends/holidays with the girl who was DD's best 'pre-school' friend (her mum and I are good friends too) and it's really nice that they can see each other without any of the school friendship politics getting in the way.

mrz · 23/04/2012 18:29

Both my children went to a different primary school to their nursery friends (school is in our village and they attended nursery in town)

Tak3n · 23/04/2012 18:34

The best lesson is to remember it is only when we become adult that we become much less likely to accept and make new friends....

we seem to forget as children anybody and everybody is your friend

youarekidding · 23/04/2012 18:35

DS went to a different school as we moved from catchment school next to nursery before application deadline. He made loads of friends. I won't deny it was harder because there were already formed friendship groups, and also the other parents knew each other. BUT I feel he has learnt from very important social skills from it.

BackforGood · 23/04/2012 18:36

None of my 3 went into the same Reception as anyone they'd played with particularly at Nursery. I didn't know anyone who was moving with any of them (although dd1 then recognised someone on the first day, as did dd2). It's not a problem at all. At that age children's friendships are very fluid, they just tend to play with other people who are standing near them

dizzyday07 · 23/04/2012 18:42

We moved across country just before DD started Infant school so she knew nobody when she started. She soon became a very popular member of the class and seemed to be friends with everyone!

3 years later she has now been offered a place at our preferred but not linked Junior school so again will be starting not knowing many others.

I suppose really it comes down to how "sociable" your DS is. If he is a quieter boy then maybe he'll find it a bit harder to make friends - but I'm sure he will settle in fine

Original poster

PoppadumPreach · 23/04/2012 19:45

Thank you all for responding and easing my mind.

DS1 seems to be quite social and doesn't mind talking to other kids his age he doesn't know (especially if they like star wars!)

It's just coping with that sinking feeling that you may not have made the best decision on behalf of your kids it it hopefully that's not the case.

DS2 will be in year below him so he will hopefully have an easier ride.

Many thanks one again!

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Haberdashery · 23/04/2012 21:14

My DD went to a school with only a couple of children from her preschool, neither of whom were particularly close friends. She quite liked one of them, but they were v different characters and had v different interests and she positively disliked the other (the only child she has ever actually argued with in her life - DD is a peaceful sort of child). A few days in, she had made a best friend, a few weeks later she was describing everyone she knew at the school as her friend and now in the third term she seems to have friends from almost every year group (they say hello to her when we arrive in the morning or see them in Sainsburys etc and she plays with them at break).

I fretted too. But honestly, DD can be really shy and retiring. If she can do it, anyone can! She has largely forgotten about her preschool friends, bar the ones we still see at ballet etc and is very happy at school.

Original poster

PoppadumPreach · 23/04/2012 22:07

That's really encouraging, haberdashery! I hope he'll be fine - its just that we're in a v small rural village and I want him to have local friends too. Just feel I have maybe not considered all factors when choosing the school.

OP posts:

sunnydelight · 24/04/2012 09:16

Honestly, if you have a conversation with reception teachers you can see their eyes roll when you talk about friendships at that age. Lots of kids start knowing nobody, some start with a "best friend" whose mums have fought to keep them together and by the end of term one they are both playing with totally different people, others know a few kids who they may or may not end up hanging out with. Your DS really will be fine no matter what way it pans out

For what it's worth, my DS1 went to 2 primaries and 4 high schools on two different continents and had to face them all without knowing anyone, he's now a very sociable 18yo who is very comfortable in unfamiliar situations.

noramum · 24/04/2012 10:13

We moved during the time DD was at nursery and she was in a very tight circle of friends. We kept her in her nursery as she was settled very well and there was no similar nursery available where we live now.

One of them started school the same year as DD but due to distance she went to a different one, the three others will start school this year.

DD only knew 1 other child in her new school, one other child she met once at a birthday party.

We were concerned but DD went into school, she saw that girl and didn't even say good-bye. 6 months later she has a new circle of school friends and plays with a lot of children. She doesn't have a "best friend" but at that age I wouldn't worry too much.

We still are in close contact with her nursery friends as well though.

gramercy · 24/04/2012 11:37

From another point of view: ds started secondary school with over 90 over his primary school pupils.

In less than half a term his best mates were those who had come from other schools. And his very best friend, still going strong in year 9, was a boy who had started without anyone from his own primary school.

Ds's school has a very committed year 6-7 transition person who tries to make sure pupils are put in tutor groups with like-minded souls. She certainly succeeded with ds - he is thrilled to be in a class full of geeks!

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