Incident at school - bit long

[PolarEyes]

DS1 is 6.5 in Yr1. he has a dx of ASD and has a statement for 25hrs of TA support which is used throughout classtime (i.e. no suppport at breaks/lunchtime).

When I collected DS1 yesterday he'd forgotten his hat so I went back towards his class with him. (DS2 also in school so I have to position myself between their classes to collect). The class teacher came out and said they'd had a strange incident with DS1. She went on to explain that whilst lining up for assembly he'd put his coat on and gone out to play instead. He couldn't get back in so got rather distressed. She was perplexed as he'd never done anything like it before and knows the assembly routine. I was a bit taken a back (got a lot of other stuff going on atm) and said he was probably out of routine from the Easter break. DS1 got v upset when I tried to ask him about it later. DS2 said that DS1 hadn't been in assembly (it is v small school) and Mrs X (TA) had found DS1 in the playground and let him in. (not sure how he knows that or am I taking it as gospel btw).

Having talked it over with DH I felt we needed more info, as we are aware DS1 can get v distracted so might look at his coat hanging up, think about play time and go out, but it seemed unlikely if he was queuing as we were told.

I went into the school office this morning as said I'd like more information as I was a bit unhappy about it. I then received a phonecall from the SENCo stating it was totally their (the school's fault). DS1 was in the toilet when the class had gone into assembly, a staff member was aware he was there. but he must have come out, forgotten it was assembly and gone out and thus was stuck outside (doors can only be opened from inside). she couldn't go into too much detail but the staff member responsible was very sorry and the Head Teacher was reporting it to County for their advice. I got the impression the staff member responsible was being disciplined but this is impression only at no point has the SENCo said that outright.

If you are still following this(!) I am a bit uncomfortable about the staff member getting officially in trouble and wonder if a previous meeting with the SENCO I had before Easter about a variety of issues I'd had with them (incuding DS1 being left in the toilets after school(!), though that was a different TA to the one in the latest incident) is making them feel the need to go big guns on it.My husband and I weren't really looking to make a formal complaint, only to request that they go back to using visual/written timetables with DS1 and a reassurance that we would not have a repeat incident like this again.

Do you think the school's reaction is right? I am half-minded to write a letter stating we just want DS1 to have a visual timetable again and an assurance his TA support is being allocated correctly. My suspicion (and it is just that) is the TA was told to take the other children into assembly as DS1's class is always, always late to assembly. And that has made her a bit of a sacrificial lamb...

I think possibly that I am more inclined to your partners view point. I think you need to think very seriously about the potential effects on your son, having got a circle of friends at the school, of putting him a new school. That is not saying that you should just ignore the incidents that have happened, there is clearly a need to clear the air, start again with you knowing exactly what support your son is and should be getting.

-I think you need to call a crisis meeting to go over exactly what support he gets in school and when - invite other professionals. The school have messed up here and are being unprofessional in their response. However it's not a lost cause and can be sorted out.

One of the wisest bits of advice I have ever been given is: "never run away from something, always run to it". Meaning that if you are unhappy in a job and make a knee-jerk reaction to leave it, you'll rush the decision of getting a new job and end up in a worse one. Same logic for moving house. Or school. You really must NOT pull him out of school until you know that there is a better school to go to which he is going to be able to get in to.

You need to be on the same page as your DH. It makes things one million times more difficult if you don't have his support, especially fi the school get an inkling of this when you are trying to encourage them to do something that they are reluctant to do. (In my very-painfully-gained experience!)

Thanks for reading my streams of consciousness! I do hear what you are all saying and honestly moving him is an utter last resort. But this is by far from the first time I've had serious issues with them. I go to the meeting. reassurances are given. but they are all pretty meaningless. repeat cycle since half-term in Reception. I suppose I am just weary from the same script from the school. and I absolutely wouldn't place him in another school unless I was certain it was going to be right for him.

I've spoken to the SEN officer. He is going to request an early Annual statement Review. (is due in May so not that early). school can request the extra hours they feel they need, when can give our parental views and then possibly the 1 other outside agency involved will observe and report. Feel this is the best possible option at the moment. As it will formalise what is agreed as goes via LEA rather than the usual meetings which are between me and the school only.

meredeux if only that was possible! seriously we have always been divided on this issue. I know it is Not Good but there really is no middle ground for compromise available.

What does your DH think is the best course of action then? Surely he can't think the current situation is satisfactory?

Well, it is notoriously harder to get hours increased at statement review than it is to get them right first time. But because the school has to provide the initial 1:1 hours out of their own budget, I think it's in school's interests to help you push for an increase now that they are getting in trouble on the current package.

Is your local pwp any good? Vague, waffly statements are always regarded as bad practice and can be illegal. So you may benefit from some advice as to what is wrong with the current one and how it should look in the next version. Plus of course you can call IPSEA for advice.

meredeux - DH is now happy with the plan to bring the Annual Review forward so that the LEA are formally involved. His general stance is no schools actually really want to take our DS1 on and so there is no point moving him. And judging by the weekend we've just had, DS now having real toileting issues he could be worse off as he may soil then be known as the smelly kid . I do really see his point.It is easy for school's to talk the talk when you meet with them - DS1's current school really did - but it was just that - talk. Essentially I think the school view DS1 as useful to have from a funding pov but as he is low needs compared to other, non-funded DC they, at best, do the minimum and at worst do absolutely nothing with him at all.
r3dh3d - I think the LEA will be quite resistant to increasing hours. He is statemented for 25 hours (of which the school must provide 5 out of their budget). DS1 doesn't have any additional LDs and is ahead in maths/literacy.He is not aggressive etc. He does very much need support, but I think the school will struggle to convince the LEA they can't manage him on 25 hours. Especially when they stopped giving him a visual timetable and effectively made him more dependent on adult support IYSWIM.
PP aren't all that in our area (not very impartial) but you have reminded me about another organisation who are more independent of LEA so I have contacted them. I tried to get DS1's statement amended when it was issued as I thought it was woolly. IPSEA told me to suck it up basically!
So current plan is to get advice from a local organisation, have the AR and take it from there. I will update after the AR happens though don't have a date for that yet.

Thanks again everyone.

Hi PolarEyes,

You mentioned you would be contacting a local organisation? I believe there's a national organisation called Amaze? Or at least that's what it used to be called. They helped a large number of parents at my DC primary school as the school had an ASC facility. Because the school had such a strong reputation for Autistic conditions, we had parents chose the mainstream classes as well as fighting for the facility. I would also suggest you contact the school's SEN governor? You never know, you may find a very committed governor who is willing to ask those difficult questions that desperately need to be asked.

I hope e situation resolves itself and you do not feel the need to remove your DS. A personal insight here from me is we moved my DD half way through year 9 from a large state school where she was having a rotten time, to a small private school. All we did was move the problems to a new school, gained a few more and didn't gain anything for our DD.

Best wishes and good luck with the review.

Hi Muttermoo

sorry I lost track of this thread, RL taking over! I've had some progress and have an Annual Review on Wednesday and a local charity rep is coming with me. I am very conscious of moving him to fresh problems so I am hoping we can make some progress. I hope your DD is doing o.k., it is so hard to see your child struggle.