Can a teacher or mental health professional comment on this?

[PrinceCorum]

My DS is 4, coming up to 5 and in reception class. The school/county council/LEA recently gave us a questionnaire to complete, asking whether we are happy with his health. But it also asks if we are concerned about any behavioural issues.

Well, we are - at home and out and about with his parents, he is a very angry child at the moment. Hitting, arguing, shouting, saying hurtful things ("I want to kill you"). There have been no major life events for him to cope with, other than him starting school last September. His communication skills are A1 and he has no signs of autism or any other ASD. I don't think he's ADHD as he can play by himself for long periods and concentrate on things if he wants to. We do have concerns about his behaviour then, having tried lots of Supernanny style techniques like time out, reward charts and so on.

But my question to Primary teachers, LEA staff and mental health staff is this. I would rather take the gentle approach to seeking advice about his anger first - I don't want any rush to label him - what are the consequences of putting down on this school/LEA form that we are concerned about some aspects of his behaviour? Does this sit on some record somewhere then, that gets passed on to every school he attends, etc., and could end up having an effect on the way teachers and others perceive him, perhaps causing a self-fulfilling prophecy effect? Thing is, he is good as gold (mostly) at school, and has never been in trouble for anger issues at school, so I don't want to risk something going on his record which would make teachers see him in a different light or automatically trigger some mental health 'flag' in some agency. What happens to what you put down on this form?

Any advice very gratefully received

If you're sure that the issue is mainly (or only) a home/parental issue then it's parenting advice you want not mental health or teaching advice, isn't it?

Aren't you simply asking what do I do when my 4-5 year old boy raises merry hell and says naughty things?

No I'm specifically wondering what the consequences are of ticking "Yes" to the question on this form about "are you concerned about any aspect of your child's behaviour" or words to that effect. Hence why I am asking for someone who will know about this form in a professional capacity to comment on this

a lot of these type of letters end up anonymous and are used by local NHS to plan future services, like when they weigh all the Yr6 chiildren.

I agree most of this type of form are anonymous and although school hand them out they are done on behalf of the NHS and returned to them. Does it ask for you to put your son's name or for you to sign it? If not no one will know which form refers to which child

I don't think he's ADHD as he can play by himself for long periods and concentrate on things if he wants to.

So can most kids with ADHD, they can concentrate quite well at times. Not sure that means anything for you, but worth busting the myth (maybe). I would tick yes in your case. He really won't be only one.

Agree ragged my son can concentrate for hours on some activities but can't remember more than one instruction at a time.

Agree that it will probably be to do with planning future services. Most councils are restructuring to try to be more cost effective atm, it is probably part of that.

I'm sure you could ask school your question. Sounds like maybe you need to go and have a conversation with schools anyway. FWIW though I don't think it's unusual for a child who suddenly has to control themselves for long periods of the day to have 'rebound' at home. Does he have a good chance to unwind and let his hair down at home when he doesn't have to exercise much self control?

My school do a similar thing and I'm sure it went into a huge pool and was not used 'against' DS as evidence for the future. I ticked I was concerned about his behaviour as he was a cross infant, not at all interested in school, immature socially, zero friends and though well behaved at school, took it out on us at home, to an extent that disturbed me, though I didn't get him tested I did consider it many times. His yr 1 teacher was worried about him and went to great lengths to try to cheer him up, with negative results, though she did not give up. You may be glad to hear that he is very slowly mellowing and can be reasonable on many subjects now he is in yr 4, apart from his younger sister and me not letting him play electronic devices enough. We've come a long way since yr 1 and it's been nearly all positive. He even plays with the others in the playground now and enjoys it!

I used to do quite a bit of research in schools. If you are asked for his name, or there is a number/barcode, then they MIGHT be tracking them. In any case they should have sent home information about the purpose of the questionnaire and what the information will be used for and if it will be tracked to your child. Generally unless there is a child protection issue (and the form is traceable), you will never hear about it again.

You would be quite within your rights to ring up whoever sent it and ask its purpose, how it will be stored and whether it is annonymous. Annonymous means that it can't be traced back to him, coonfidential means it can be traced back if there is a good enough reason (though terms often confused). You don't need to say why you want to know. Alternatively hundreds of forms won't be returned, if you don't return it it just means their data won't be as complete.

Having said that, none of those things you have said are major issues, especially if just at home. The 'killing' probably comes from children with older siblings, and the other issues from tiredness and testosterone. It's not to say that you should ignore it. A firm, consistent and fair approach should help in longer term. Don't accept behaviour from a 4 yr old which you don't want to see in a 14 yr old (psychologist's saying). Try reading some parenting manuals, e.g. Raising Boys, Steve Bido whats his name. If you are still concerned try to see a school nurse or your GP. Hope that helps.