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Primary education

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Original poster

Camping Trip - DS never been away from us, he is very worried

18 replies

tiredmumma · 18/04/2012 12:12

DS is gettign his self all worked up about a forthcoming camping trip to Wales with school. It will be such a fantastic opportunity for him. He hs never been away from us due to no family near, grand parents in 80's, aunty lives too far and never offers to makes excuses! No sleep overs either

I have volunteered to help out but no guaranteed to get a place plus you are not allowed to be in your childs group or sleep with them in the cabins.

I so want DS to go on this trip it would be so good for him but I know at bedtime he would be very emotional

What should I do?

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supernannyisace · 18/04/2012 12:16

There will be other children in the group who may also have never been away from parents before. The school/activities staff should be able to handle this.

I don't think you should go along as a volunteer. Let him go and spread his wings.

How old is he?

cumbria81 · 18/04/2012 12:18

I was exactly the same as your son at that age. I hated giong away. I even tried to break my arm so I wouldn't have to go.

I missed out on one trip - the whole year went and I refused. It didn't bother me.

A year later I decided to go (was forced). Cried a few times, phoned home every day but ultimately, looking back, I think it was very good for me.

I think it would be a bad idea for you to volunteer and go along. It might make him worse.

annh · 18/04/2012 12:20

What age is he? How long are they going for? When is the trip? If there is time, could he have a sleepover at a friend's house beforehand to get him used to the idea of being away from you? It does sound a lot for him to take in if he has never been apart from you before.

supernannyisace · 18/04/2012 12:25

I was surprised at DSS2 when he went on a school res - aged 9(?) He is a real 'mummy's boy' and always carries around soft toys.. (still does at 12). Anyway -he went on the trip and loved it. He was little apprehensive, but because all his friends were going - knew that he would have to go and be one of the gang.

My DS has been going on overnights/weekends from a v young age - starting in Beavers etc. so he is used to it.

I think children do need to learn to fend for themselves at some point.

I agree with annh - can you arrange a sleepover prior to the trip to get him used to being away from home?

Northumberlandlass · 18/04/2012 12:44

DS went away for one night aged 6 (drop off Sat am pick up Sun pm) with Beavers. I was v nervous for him.
I think he was too busy to actually miss us & he was staying in bunk rooms with his mates.
Although when I picked him up, he did shed a tear. He said he was over tired but I KNOW he missed us really

This was DS first experience of being looked after by people other than family. But he had stayed at his GP's a lot, which is different to your DS

Is he talking about the evenings as a particular concern? or is it everything?

Our school only do residential trips from Yr4 so I assume he is 9? Agree with the others, try & organise a sleep over before he goes.

This will be a great experience for him !

Original poster

tiredmumma · 18/04/2012 12:45

he's 7 and its overnight but 2 days.

no one for him to sleep over at :(

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Original poster

tiredmumma · 18/04/2012 12:46

yes its bedtime I lie with him now until he drops

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Northumberlandlass · 18/04/2012 12:52

You sound v sad about this Tiredmumma - are you sure you really want him to go? Is he picking up on it?

If he does go, I think you need to stop staying with him while he drops off. Actually regardless of whether or not he goes on the trip you should probably stop. Sorry don't want to sound heartless Are there any particular issues with his sleep?

Original poster

tiredmumma · 18/04/2012 13:00

Quite the opposite, Ive re-iterated how fantastic is all sounds, its the bedtime being away from me/us.

I will go with the flow and hope some sleep overs will help him not feel so anxious - Im going to speak to a few friends I know

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annh · 18/04/2012 13:03

Your son is quite old to need to have someone to lie with him before going to sleep. Whose benefit is this for - yours or his? Be careful that this isn't just a habit that you have fallen into which will become increasingly difficult to break. I think you need to start gently moving away from that regardless of whether he goes on the trip or not. I also think you need to be very positive and upbeat about the trip so he doesn't pick up on your anxiety that he will be homesick, won't sleep etc. The children are all very young and if school does this trip regularly they must have strategies in place to help upset children. Are they having a parents meeting before the trip?

Northumberlandlass · 18/04/2012 13:15

Then I think that changing his 'dropping off' routine will be a big help. I agree with annh on this one.

DS is 8 and one of us will take him up to bed watch over him brushing his teeth etc. Take him to his room, kiss & cuddle then leave. Usually his light will still be on & he has 15 mins or so to read / play by himself, then he switches his own light off & goes to sleep.

I assume they would have a parents meeting. We've actually got a meeting at the school next week about Yr4 residential trips.

Hope it goes well for you and your DS.

GnomeDePlume · 18/04/2012 13:20

A little bit later but my DS (10) was less than keen. He did go, had a great time. They had loads of strategies in place to deal with every possible eventuality including bed wetting.

Shortly before the trip the school had an information evening and got one of the instructors in to give a little talk. Was very reassuring.

My only complaint was that after 3 nights away DS had not managed to open his shampoo or toothpaste. So be warned, get the sheep dip ready for when he comes home!

Original poster

tiredmumma · 18/04/2012 13:24

It is very, very easy to say about ... "changing his bedtime routine" even more so if you havent experienced it with your own...if you go onto the Parenting/Sleep Thread you will see many posts there referring to sleep patterns, problems with older children etc... it isnt for my benefit at all. I have a confident child in the day and a very, very frightened, scared child at bedtime, have done all the night lights, keeping the door open etc...

Im hoping now the nights are much lighter and there is a holiday coming up I can address it again he's just 7 so 8 is a good year on him but he is maturing all the time

anyway getting back to the trip, Ive text 2 friends to see if they will have him over for a night

OP posts:

cece · 18/04/2012 13:30

I agree my 8 year old has only just grown out of sleep problems - he just gets very scared at night. The one thing that has helped a lot is him now sharing a bedroom with a sibling. He sleeps much better now.

Northumberlandlass · 18/04/2012 13:35

Wasn't having a 'dig' Tiredmumma re his bedtime routine. Mentioning how very very frightened/ scared at bedtime might of been helpful in OP.

ragged · 18/04/2012 13:39

Talk to the organisers & explain why you'd like to be in his cabin.
If you don't get in his cabin, then get organisers to assure him that if he needs anything it will be sorted, they are there for him. They need to take a personal approach.
See if you can find out who will be in his cabin & make a personal approach.

I think he's a bit young to be pushed into going, tbh. At least, mine wouldn't be ready if not otherwise keen. We were in similar situation with 7yo DD except that she was keen to go, she insisted, & she had a blast. My others didn't get to sleepover anywhere until older, anyway.

IloveJudgeJudy · 18/04/2012 13:44

I wouldn't go with him, if I were you.

There will be loads of other DC in the same position. Teachers and helpers will have routines put in place to deal with that.

Ragged - adults are not allowed to sleep in the same cabin as DC, unless it's a two-person cabin with just the OP and her own DS which kind of negates the whole idea of going away and being a "big boy", doesn't it?

Go and speak to the teacher if you're worried. She/he will definitely reassure you. The DC will probably all take their teddy/blanket with them and probably do so many activities that they will be worn out by bedtime.

I'm glad you're encouraging him to go. I'm sure he'll have a great time and then be able to tell everybody about how brave he was!

Original poster

tiredmumma · 18/04/2012 15:01

I'd rather I wasnt in a cabin with him and am regretting going in a way but they said they didnt have enough helpers and it would have to be cancelled otherwise so I volunteered, but havent had confirmation as yet.

There is a meeting soon and lots planned with a late night owl walk I think so Im sure they will all be tired out.

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