DD hates school - is there any point intalking to the Head about this?

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My DD (Y4) hates school - her teachers have been aware of this for ages and have tried various things but nothing's worked. Have seen the GP, have seen a counsellor etc., but to no avail. I am thinking of home educating but before I take that plunge, is there any point in talking to the Head about it? I think that things might be a little better next year (different set of friends) but she can't face the thought of staying there until then. Is there any point in asking Head if she could go part-time or some sort of staggered return in September?

Staggered return until September, I meant. So that she just goes part-time now, working up to going back full-time in September.

Can't hurt to talk to them. They may have some other suggestions?

I think you need to establish why she hates school first.

If, for example, she has any kind of social anxiety, it's likely that part-time schooling will make her issues more acute.

What is it that she hates, is it anything that can actually be changed? If so and you feel the school aren't acting then it is probably worth talking to the Head, if not then I guess you need to think about what to do next. It is possible to flexi-school with the support of the school (so you would definitely want to get the Head on side), I don't think many schools like it though.

I have home schooled and there are lots of benefits, for some kids it means they are truly happy for the first time since they started formal education but it's not a quick fix for everyone and it is bloody hard work! If you are seriously considering it I would contact Education Otherwise who are full of useful information. The best thing I learned from it though is that there are always options, it's very liberating once you accept that if school isn't working there is another way. I know some kids who have dipped in and out of school over the years, others who have never been inside a classroom and are thriving, some who stayed home for a while then wanted to go back into a formal school setting. It needs to work for your whole family though.

Good luck whatever you decide.

She has separation anxiety (she doesn't have SEN but is quite emotionally immature). So that can't really be changed and there's nothing the Head can do about that but I'm hoping that she may grow out of it and will be different next year. It's how we get to that stage that's bothering me...

Does she actually hate it while she' there, or is it the saying goodbye that's the parting from you that's the problem?

I don't know a lot (read: anything) about separation anxiety in particular, but I have to say that it seems to me home education isn't the answer.

Surely, if anything, home ed will only increase her dependencies and make things worse in the future?

Tough one. DS2 has separation anxiety too so LOVED being home schooled, but I knew that educationally it just wasn't cutting it for him (and he's dyslexic so really needed proper teachers). I found a school that was really good with pastoral care and would allow things like parents to go on school camps if they wanted (DS2 is now 13 and has grown up so much but still hates being away overnight). We did have to do a few stints of "tough love" along the way though to encourage emotional resilience. Is a different school an option for you?

Sunscorch, I don't think homeschooling will make it worse. I can see how it could but I think that not being forced to be away from me will give her the confidence to be able to separate from me at her own pace.

Seeker, it's tricky to know - the teacher says she is fine once she's there but I'm fairly sure that she's not (the teacher isn't the most observant, shall we say!) I have friends who work there, who know my DD, and they say that she doesn't seem happy either.

Sunny, I did think about a different school but I don't really think it's an option.

If the teacher says she's fine when she's there I would accpet that.
Why do you say her seperation anxiety cannot be resolved?

My dd loved school- she just couldn't bear being parted from me. Same for parties, sleep overs- loads of things. She was 12 before she could happily go to a sleepover. She missed out on loads of things she wanted to do because she just couldn't force herself to go. She described it as there being an invisible wall between her and the party or whatever that she couldn't break through.

I haven't got anything really helpful to contribute, I'm afraid. It was dd who finally learned that if she forced herself to do it she was OK. It all came from her- with loads of encouragement and support, obviously. Not what she called "soppy help" though! She needed me to be quite robust.

bestisyettocome, I meant that her anxiety can't be resolved now, so I'm looking for options for her to get through the period until it can be resolved.

I see. I would be inclined to look at other schools in the area then. Perhaps she's just failed to gel with the children at her current school. Sometimes these things happen for no particular reason.

I wouldn't reply just on the teacher telling you they are OK at school - DD2 was bullied (in that snidey excluding way that girls do) for the best part of three years, and nothing we did at home seemed to help (plus it took a long while to work out what the underlying problem actually was). Went to speak to the class teacher who said "she doesn't seem unhappy to me, come back if she gets really miserable". A week later we'd pulled her out of school. Even now 6 years later (and after a year at one of the most caring schools I've come across) she still has stress and anxiety issues, and almost rock bottom self confidence. I dread to think what sort of state she'd be in if we hadn't HEd for the two years we did.

Speak ot the Head, OP, at least then you'll know how sympathetic, helpful and proactive they'd be. And HE isn't a "forever" option - you can HE for a time and go back to school if that's what works for you.

How is she about going to other things? Parties? Sleepovers? Outside school activities?

Thanks all, this is very helpful. Midnight, your poor DD :( My DD's teacher is a very 'tough love' kind of person and, whilst that can be a good thing of course, I think she just says "oh, she's fine!" and doesn't notice the upset that goes on. If a child isn't actually sobbing then a teacher can't always tell. Personally, I would love to HE her until the end of Y6 and for her to then go to secondary school.

Seeker, she likes me to stay with her at parties but she can soemtimes be talked out of it. She's not too bad at staying over at her GP's but does miss me.

Well I have asked the office to make me an appointment with the Head to see what he says. If he can't do anything then he can't, but you are right that it's worth a try.

I think the HE would depend to me whether you feel that if you HE for the time being she will feel more confident and the separation anxiety will decrease or she will relax in that she doesn't have to be separated from you so will expect not to be/won't want to ever and the separation anxiety will grow worse.

I agree with the idea that the child who is sobbing gets so much more support than the child who is quiety miserable. I can think of one child who frequently sobbed her heart out at the school gate but very quickly was confident enought to be cheeky iyswim, and another child who quietly sat in the corner feeling miserable all day-the focus was entirely on the sobbing child... all day giving her special jobs to "keep her mind off it" etc. (neither child mine)

I'd ask the head if you can use the time remaining to try and build her up. Could you go in to help and leave her "just to do some photocopying" initially, then maybe nip out to fetch something, then try and leave her, increasing very gradually over weeks, not days, to see if you could, say aim to leave her for the morning, coming home for lunch, by the end of term. You might need to repeat next term as well as the summer holiday is a long one.

So she doesn't hate school - she hates being away from you? If her teacher has said she seems fine when she's there and she can be talked in to being left at parties and she's ok to stay at her grandparents then I don't think it's as serious as you think it is

I also think you saying 'I'd love to HE her' is interesting. Reading it from here it looks like you are the one who doesn't like to be away from her and perhaps she's playing on that?

I can only go on what you've said OP and don't want to offend but do you think perhaps you have anxieties being away from DD rather than the other way around?

Oh dear muffinflop, I'm sorry but I have to LOL at that! The main thing that puts me off HEing is that I don't know how I could spend that much time with her :) I have no anxieties about being away from DD at all, trust me :o I said I'd like to do HE for a short while because it's something I find very interesting, that's all. I'd never want to do it as a permanent thing though. I don't think you can compare staying with GPs to being at school, really, though I do take your point.

DeWe I do go in to help but I can't do any more as I have other children and the chidlcare is an issue.