how do I know if we should change schools?

[LandJsmom]

In need of help - I grew up in a different country and have no experience of the state education system in the UK. my DD is in year 1 at a very small rural(ish) primary school. she is doing well academically but is a bit delicate in social and emotional development (she is prone to anxiety and her enjoyment and performance is a direct product of how confident she is feeling - as for all children I'm sure). She claims she is settled and enjoying her school, and while her confidence has increased over last year, I see increasing signs that indicate she is not settled (or not as settled as I would hope for her). Following a string of difficulty with the school on issues ranging from communication (letters only 1 or 2 days ahead of an event asking parents to attend, without sufficient information) to the lunch room lady shouting at the children to shutup and telling them treats are forbidden in packed lunches, I fear that the environment of the school is increasingly bad for her continued emotional wellbeing and growth. I have emailed and spoken to the headmaster on several occasions to no avail. If I change her school I'm worried the move will shake her confidence and set her back. Also what if these issues are typical in primary schools and my expectations are just out of synch with provision in the UK? How do I know if the school is actually just very poor or if its time to change??? HELP!!!

Go and look at some other schools in your area, and find out if moving her is even possible and if you prefer them.
I would also talk to the class teacher about your concerns rather than email the head.

I think the issues you've mentioned are quite minor. I know first hand how frustrating it is with the lack of communication, or only telling you things a couple of days in advance! but not sure it's a reason to move your daughter if she feels happy there?

I would be majorly cross about the dinner lady shouting at them and telling them to shut up though, but if that's been dealt with and hasn't happened again then I would put it behind me

I think if your daughter is happy there, has friends, is doing well, then I would leave her there as the other things are so minor

thanks for this both. I have phoned to look at other schools - so will hopefully get a feel for if there is indeed anything better out there or not.

and agreed communication is something I hear many parents from all different schools saying is a common and, as you point out, minor issue. the disruption of a move could be more damaging than good for her given her need for consistency. This factor weighs heavily in favour of keeping her at this school

my dilema comes from a total loss of confidence in the head of school - I met with him about the dinner lady issue and said "I'm really very worried and need some reassurance the school can provide a good environment for the children" - his reply: "you should go to a different school then". This reply has me totally taken aback and I don't want my daughter under the care of a person like that. He later apologized but I can't shake the impact this remark has had. Further DD is showing some signs of unsettledness - often doesn't eat enough of her lunch and often complains of belly ache and is poorly behaved after school due to low blood sugar- has started to tell us that some children are teasing her (which I've spoken to her teacher about) - but still insists that she's happy there.

I'm just having difficulty finding the root of the issue(s) and weighing up how much her headmaster may be not great, but if the school is still ok, and how unsettled my DD actually is/becoming.....in short just a bit lost!

Hi LandJsmom, I sympathise. I wonder if you have gotten to know any other mothers well enough to chat about what their experiences are of these things - it is true that the late communication situation is common among many schools (and private schools too!).

Some staff can shout - I suppose it depends on whether it was aimed at a few small children (not good) or whether it was the aimed at the entire school who were being very boisterous with many pupils misbehaving (fine, and a common enough scenario faced by staff). And also whether the words "Shut up!!" (or worse ) were used, or whether it was "Be quiet!". By treats being forbidden I am guessing she meant junk food, not necessarily food that a child likes - all schools will have some sort of healthy eating policy to discourage parents from sending in their children with packed lunches containing only crisps and confectionery bars and processed snacks (which has been known to happen). I'm not defending the situation as I wasn't there, I just mean that it helps to know what the context was in which something was said or happened.

It's also worth arranging a meeting with your DD's class teacher just to chat about how things are going and getting a feel of what goes in the class and what her approach is like. IME pupils don't really see that much of their headteacher but a lot of their class teachers, so it's better that you have a class teacher that you and your DD like and a headmaster you don't rather than the other way around. I would probably start by asking her how she feels your DD is doing and then bringing up those concerns later when she asks; you may find you get more helpful info that way.

I don't think the issues are minor, especially if the headteacher is unsupportive. I moved my ds you could see he was miserable. My regret is not doing it sooner. He changed so quickly & is so much happier now.

thanks everyone. this is really very helpful. Agreed the context of events is important to know. We will visit an alternative school with places nearby and also go to see her teacher for next year at her current school and see which offers a better environment for her.

Thanks for helpful talk and support!