Help me please I'm going crazy

[twolittlelovelies]

I have two children, DS working 1yr ahead DD working 4yrs ahead (according to 3 teachers). I live in an area with over 3 grammar schools which has an impact of the local comps. Current local primary is very small, has a high number of SEN (behaviour and learning ability), a very high number of supply teachers and double yrs (ie. 1&2 together, 3&4 together etc). Both children are bored and find the work repetitive and very, very, very easy. There is no funding for extra help for them or for regular language lessons or to learn an instrument. PE is sporadic and shambolic (not good for any child but especially bad for frustrated boys I think). My quandry : do I move them both to a local prep before it's too late to try to get them challenged and into a better work ethic and disciplined atmosphere? We can just about afford to do this but will struggle and I worry that if DS still fails the 11+ we may have sent him to a prep only to be followed by a very average comp! Oh please someone give me some sound advice. Every day I see my daughter chewing her hair alone in the playground as she's considered a bit geeky because she's bright and proud of it and my son just plays the fool to try to fit in! Help please.

Why not try another primary first? Are there any others nearby?

The lack of enrichment sounds a bit poor - most primary schools should be delivering some access to a modern foreign language at KS2. What does your LA provide in terms of instrumental lessons?

However, unfortunately it is pretty unlikely they would get funding for extra help in lessons. That should be provided for within the differentiated curriculum or any additional provision under G&T. I suspect that the teachers already have their work cut out teaching two year groups...:( As an ex-teacher I thank my lucky stars never to have worked in a school that had vertical grouping, as it was bad enough providing for the range of abilities within a single year group.

I think your best bet might be to try another primary, then save your money to fund some instrument lessons and support tutoring for the 11+.

We've looked locally and we haven't got another primary that can accommodate both children. I don't want them at two different primaries that are potentially in opposite directions in the morning. Also, because the academic side is important to me I'm not convinced another primary stiffled by the National Curriculum will help enough to warrant a move. It's really difficult. I agree that most of the teachers time and energy at their current primary is being spent on the lower ability children, we have a high number of families that have been banned from their hometown moved to our village and then placed in the village school (my advanced DS is 9 in a class with 7 yr old's that are still learning phonics and haven't grasped any times tables yet). So there's very little time for the 'bright' or well behaved ones who are seen to be able to look after themselves!!! I just don't want to feel like I've given up and just accept such a low level of education so early on in their lives. I don't think it encourages an interest in learning or an enjoyment of school. They did offer instrument lessons for a few weeks with a teacher provided by the council last year which we tried but she kept forgetting to bring any books in, didn't give any practice for home (even though we bought the instrument!) and kept skipping the lessons one week to give a bit of extra time the next which was really sporadic. My DS really needs discipline and stimulation to avoid boredom and subsequent poor behaviour.

Which years are they in? If only one is in years R to 2 then why not place them in a school and then appeal for a place for the older one? It is much easier to win an appeal for a child in years 3-6.

They're in year 3 and 4 (same class - not great!).

Well that's one grounds for appeal then! The conflict caused by them being in the same class.

I think that you may have to move one child then wait until a space comes up for the other.

Is there a larger primary in another village?

Look, if there's not a decent state school you can get them into, send them to the prep. Do what's best for your kids, it sounds like the school is doing the best they can with limited resources and those resources don't stretch to meet the needs of kids who are doing all right. If it will really kill you financially though, maybe an 11+ tutor and some music & sports lessons? Altogether would be cheaper than prep fees.

| would move your lonely, hair-chewing, 4 yrs academically advanced dd immediately, and put your laugh-a-minute, 1 yr advanced ds on the waiting list to join her asap.

My main question would be whether you have any real evidence/confidence that the prep would be better?

I am NOT a prep school opponent (my DC are both at one) but just because it is fee paying does not mean that it is a school where it is cool to be clever, which is what your DD needs. You need to check out the culture and attitude of all potential options, but yes, you need to get them both (especially DD) out of there before DS gives up entirely and DD gets more miserable.

Could you move dd and homeschool ds while appealing/waiting for a space for ds. Homeschool, plus a private tutor, some kind of sports/swimming/dance lessons and music lessons (for both if needed) would still be cheaper than a prep and you could use cubs/drama group or whatever to give your ds more social contact with others. Do you think it is possible that your DS is "hiding his light under a bushel" so that he doesn't stand out so much?

I agree thata prep may not necessarily be better.

If you want them to do grammar school entry, they will need some sort of preparation (either a tutor or do it with them yourself) as some of the 11+ just isn't covered at KS2.

I've just been frantically calling around schools and apparently one that is quite a bit further away does have space for both of them. Have just looked into it with regards to those achieving level 5 SATS as my two should be aiming for this level and the school has 9% achieving it! This seems quite low to me and makes me wonder why they have so many spaces in years 3 and 4 when other schools have none? With regards to the prep school we were told they have an ethos of it being 'cool to be clever' by the head. I know the children are streamed for maths in the juniors but apart from that it's a case of hoping I get what I pay for which seems REALLY risky. It's not spare cash we're using up. They don't do SATS as they do their own internal exam to get each DC into the senior school so I have no gauge of ability by year 6/7 for the children as no results to look at. According to their website they have a strong academic reputation. But again that's not proof.

What senior schools does the prep feed into? Why not try and phone one or more of those and try to get an "off the record" feel for how the senior head feels for the prep?

Well - go and look at the school that has places for both. I don't think you can decide anything about it unless you do. Ideally try and see it when the children are in classes. You will get a strong "gut" feeling just by going round as to how it compares to your dcs current school. Also make an appointment to talk to the head there. Explain what is happening to your dcs and ask how they support children with similar issues. See what she says. At this stage you aren't actually deciding anything, just gaining information, without any kind of commitment. You've nothing to lose by doing it. you could also try doing the journey at school run times to see how feasible it is.

Sorry mummytime I may have confused you. The prep has its own senior independent school which most of the children go on to. This also concerns me a tiny bit as we would have no plans to stay on to the senior school and this would become clear if my DS passed the 11+ for a different school. But that's not my biggest concern. I'll have a look round the alternative state primary and see how it feels.

So you need to ask the prep about 11+ preparation and what proportion go on to schools other than their own senior school. If it is very low, that would worry me IIWY.

Are you in a position to Home ed?
We have had problems at primary level so are home edding, probaly temporarily? as my dc wants to try for grammar school.

It is very low stealthsquiggle. Most children join the prep, especially at this late stage ie. yr5, in order to increase their chances of getting into the senior school. The school don't do any 11+ prep for the grammar exam. The 11+ is in Sept, the school's own exam is different and isn't until the following Jan so they spend the period Sep to Dec practicing for their own exam AFTER my DC would have taken the grammar school exam, so no help to them in that respect. But it wasn't just about the exam, I can still tutor them for that at home. What I was hoping to find was a stimulating environment, where learning is enjoyable and interesting and challenging and not constantly disrupted by someone throwing pencils, running out of the room, tipping their desk over etc etc. The children are at school for 6hrs a day, that's the time they should be learning, not with mum at 3.30 in order to play catch up which is what I have to do now (and my DS HATES me for it).

OK, so it is low, and you have accepted that - which I assume implies that it is the best independent school option locally even taking that problem into consideration?

One thing - if your DD thrives and continues to work so far ahead you may find bursary / scholarship options opening up for the senior school - would that be an option?

In the meantime, you need to test the Head's "cool to be clever" assertion. My pointers (apart from general vibes, work on display, etc when you look round) would be firstly to look at the range and relative popularity of after school clubs - are there, for example, chess and/or maths clubs? Is there, generally, stuff there which would appeal to your DD?

The next step would be to get DD's view - get her to go for an assessment / trial day and ask her whether she feels there are a reasonable number of likeminded people there. She is old enough to form a considered opinion.

The prep doesn't sound ideal given it doesn't do 11+ prep and is indeed doing prep for a different exam. Is there a good local primary with space for your DD? If there is I would move her as things sound hard for her. Your DS would then probably be high up on waiting list as he has a sibling. So leave him where he is (as he is not so out of place as DD) and put his name on waiting list.

I think I would knock the idea of the prep school on the head now. You know that your children will stay beyond 11, they do no tests that can easily translate into something to compare to KS2 results, they do not prepare for 11+ test and very few pupils leave at 11 to go elsewhere. It is not a viable sensible option.
The only sensible option is to find another state school that has good results and hope that this suits your children. The school that you have found with 9% level5 at KS2 is I would suggest probably not what you are ideally looking for. That figure suggests that they are not pushing their brighter pupils but maximising the number of pupils getting to the acceptable level 4 standard. Though it will obviously be an improvement on current school that is struggling to help your bright children

Can you relocate?
None of these schools sound ideal...

Remember of course (at least around here) that state schools won't prepare for 11+ either, you'll be on your own in finding tuition for that. Are you able to home ed? I think the ds sounds more as if he would need the additional stimulation of being at school, so see if you can get him into the best state school you can, or maybe prep, and home ed your dd - if she would be up for it.

I don't know that the money spent on ds would be entirely wasted, as he would go to the comp with a renewed work ethic, and maybe with dd at grammar school you could stretch to inde for your ds.

Oh this is really hard. Have just dropped both DC at the prep for a taster day and spied on their classes whilst waiting in reception. Both classes were being barked at by their teachers, none of the children were engaged at all just staring blankly ahead (not at the teacher). Not sure if they were scared or just didn't know the answers and didn't want to catch the teachers' eye!? Now I'm worried that my exuberant DC will become stepford wives??? I asked exactly how many children don't go straight on to the senior school at yr 7 and was told everyone goes except possibly 1 or 2% where it isn't felt suitable for the child to go onto the senior school...eek!