DS1 not invited to one of his good friend's party - would you say anything or just leave it?

[ceebeegeebies]

I know people have the right to invite who they want to their party and I totally accept that but this boy is one of DS1's good friends so I am surprised that he wasn't invited.

The party was a couple of weeks ago but have only just found out as one of the other mums asked me why DS1 didn't go knowing that they were good friends.

This boy's mum was one of the first mums I got chatting to when they started school a couple of years ago and initially we organised playdates etc but it has tailed off - on my part, due to time as I work 4 days a week etc but no idea why it tailed off on the other mum's part. We don't really see each other at the school gate either as I only do drop-off twice a week and she is always late so not there to chat to and both boys go to after-school club 3 or 4 times a week so don't see her at pick-up time either.

DH thinks it is because I had the audacity to speak occasionally to her next-door neighbours who she hates with a vengeance

Again. I don't have a problem with it but I think it is unfair on DS1 to not be invited to one of his friend's party because the mum has some kind of problem with me - however, 2 days before the party, we went to a literacy evening at school and she couldn't have been more friendly with me Had she snubbed me at that evening it would make more sense that DS1 wasn't invited.

Dh thinks I should ask her next time I see her if X had a nice birthday party and watch her squirm see what she says.

If they've known each other since young babies, it sounds quite likely that they previously played a lot together from habit and may have drifted off into other friendships without you realising.

I agree with PPs who say that birthday boy was probably asked to invite (say) 6 children and he chose 6 out of potentially 12 equally good friends. I know from my own children that this means the names are fairly random. DS's party list used to vary completely from day to day at this age.

If mum was friendly to you when she say you it seems unlikely it is due to any problems between you, and also this would seem incredibly petty!

Are they really "best" friends? My Y1 DD has 2 genuine best friends that I know she would automatically invite to anything (and likewise if they didn't invite her to something I would definitely think something was wrong). After that it varies a lot which child is favourite at the month. Currently the child we happened to meet in the park last week is in favour, whereas prior to this, DD wasn't that much bothered about her.

Ceebeegeebies - Apparently it was a swimming pool party and my dc's friend said my dc wasn't very good at swimming - which was rubbish and a double blow to my dc's self esteem. I always used these things to reinforce a message that it's important to be kind to other people and that some people aren't very good at it, unlike my dc. My dc has indeed grown up to be sensitive to the feelings of others and I'm very proud of her for that, and I continue to tell her so if ever the situation arises. I think there is far too much of a 'me me' culture these days and yes, of course children can ask whoever they like to their birthday parties but if it they want to exclude a so called best friend they should be asked 'Are you sure you don't want to ask him/her. Remember that you might hurt his/her feelings.'

oh god this happened to me but the other way round!!!! i had a mum phone me and asked me if there was a problem and reason why her son had not been invited to my sons party! i was MORTIFIED! so please dont ask. my son picked his own 10 and that was it! and thats what i told her, what else are you supposed to do ?

nicolakc thank you for your opinion from the other side - I won't say anything (I am not big on confrontation anyway) and it is not as if I see the mum much anyway.

redsky my posts are probably not clear - the boy whose party it was is not the one I was talking about who is DS1's best friend - they are different boys (can't really remember why DS1's best friend came up on the thread now ). If DS1 was not invited to his very best friends party, then I would definitely know something was wrong as they have been close for 5 years now and we are friendly with his parents.

It probably is just a case of who they played with on that particular day

Nicolakc - Why were you mortified? If a mother phoned me to ask I would just tell her as you did. It makes it easier for the mother to explain to the child that the reason was that numbers were limited. Of course there would be no need for the mother to ring if their child didn't really care.

because i wasnt expecting it at all. my son is 6 and there are so many parties and you cant be invited to all. i was embarrased, tongue tied,and yes mortified. i wouldnt dream of asking why / if my son didnt get invited somewhere,(thats just me btw). and also made it really awkward at school after :-/,

I think you sound paranoid and are looking for offence where none exists.

You have drifted since they started school - it's just what happens.

I'd be upset, but it could just be because you have slipped off this woman's radar. I wouldn't say anything tbh.

My DD is insistant that we don't ask her "best friend" to her party because this girl is litte miss bossy britches and pretty much overtook her last party. I am torn because sometimes they are best friends and others they are not so great - if however i dont invite her i will probably have a quiet word with her mother and say that i hope she doesnt htink im being petty but it is DDs party after all.

Another thing is, after reception the numbers to parties tend to drop from pretty much the whole class to a select few - last year we did a build a bear party and could ony have 7 kids (its expensive ) so it meant leaving out some of DDs friends :(

who me?

NO sorry the OP

dribble x

I am trying to persuade my ds not to have a party. Tiny house and can really only invite 5 or 6 people. Bloody nightmare. Ds has no idea and keeps trying to increase numbers- NO I say! Going to have low key 'do' or will try and persuade him to go out for day with 1 or 2 friends. HATE the politics of it all. Wish his Birthday was in the holidays.

If she was so friendly to you at the literacy evening then it appears she has no problem with you. So don't try to find one.

She may not have even thought of your ds re. the party, children often have wide circles of friends and crazy unusual ideas on the days lists are written up.

It's all part n parcel of childhood and really not worth getting worried about.

If you & she can get along fine and the boys are still friends, well great, go with that.

boringnickname
One time we had a general party and a special party just for the best friend. We explained to the bf mother as dd wanted to do something too expensive for lots, but wanted to invite lots. So we just took the bf to do the expensive thing and then had a big party for the others. I don't think either was aware of the other taking place.
It worked quite well for dd as she then got to play with the other children rather than sticking with the bf.

leave it. its in the past. not every one gets invited to every party. your son knows nothing and cares not one jot. leave it alone.

I think it's more the parents that dwell on the child not being invited rather than the child her/himself. My dd was not invited to one of her "supposed" friend's party, I didn't dwell on it and didn't think it was. Big deal or something to get upset about. My dd wasn't upset either. What did bother me though was the birthday girl's attitude when talking to the party to my dd. she was actually mocking my. Dd by saying "I'm having a party, blah blah blah and I have no more invitations, no invite for you". I was amazed that a 6 yr old old have such an attitude. I think parents should definitely talk to their children about being more sensitive to other children's feelings. Needless to say, when my dd1 had her party, I let her choose who she wanted to invite and that particular girl was not on the list as she doesn't consider her a friend. Not because of not being invited but because children this young are always changing who they want to be friends with. Just let it go.