for all the reception (and beyond) level worriers,,

[roadkillbunny]

Today a 4 year old little girl in the reception class of our small, tight, little village school died.
Last week her parents were at parents night with all of the same school issues as everybody else and tonight they are trying to find a way in a world that no longer has their beautiful daughter in it.
For just one day at least stop all the book band, writing and maths worries and just love your children and thank your lucky stars that they are here and you can worry over them.
Sorry to pull people down, we are, as a community and school family in deep shock and sorrow, things like this, with no rhyme or reason aren't supposed to happen in little country communities like ours, you don't want to think it can happen at all. People shouldn't have to sir their children down and tell them their friend is gone. When your child asks you why you are supposed to be able to give them an answer.
Give your children an extra cuddle for a beautiful, bright, sparky little girl, full of energy and life one day and gone the next, think of her family and cherish your own.

Oh my how tragic, and you are so right x

Sending thoughts and prayers to the little girls family, so sad x

That is so sad. I have no words other than to agree that you are so right about cherishing our children

How very very sad. You are right, we sometimes get obsessed over stuff that really doesn't matter

So sorry.

My family's quality of life has gone out the window under the crushing pressure, the eleven plus, the music scholarship, the school targets. And all the rest. I can't take it anymore. We used to explore the city on weekends. Not anymore. He used to have afternoons to waste and dream. Not anymore. It's not worth it. Childhood only happens once. The other night I burst into tears and decided I did not give a damn anymore. The only thing I truly care is for him to be alive and happy.

Our DC's themselves are the treasures, not their results.

Thank you for taking the time to read. It is so, so easy to loose sight of what really matters because the alternatives are just so unbearable you never want to think about them and then sometimes, they hit you in the face.

I am a little less shell shocked today, had some time to start to process what has happened and I am able to appreciate just how lucky I am to be able to do this when this little girls family will not be able to for a long while yet, it was just so fast, ill for a matter of hours. The school staff are broken. The reception TA told of standing in front of the girls coat peg and sobbing looking at her wellies sat there trying to figure out what to do. Everyone at school is feeling the need to DO something, things as huge as this feel like they require action, like you can try and make it better by DOING something, anything but other then taking the family off the email list and spending a shell shocked weekend randomly breaking into tears and hugging our children tight there is nothing to be done.
I have to admit I am dreading the school run on Monday, one of the foundation parents would normally be taking my dd but I will be battling up myself (I have broken my leg badly and in a wheelchair at the moment) as the reception parents are going to have a very hard morning and they don't need other peoples children to think about. My child was collected early on Friday and thankfully missed the scenes at school when the news came at the end of the fun run. One parent suggested to me that the headteacher shouldn't have been in such a state in front of the children and parents but honestly I feel that people needed to see her there and I don't blame her at all for not being able to hold it together, our head teacher teaches the reception class one day a week and as I said, we are a small school and very much a family. The next days and weeks are going to be hard and I am not sure how we will all get through it and in saying that I feel selfish because the family have got it all multiplies by infinity.

Sorry to ramble on there, I guess I need an outlet more then I realised.

Are you able to tell us what happened?It seems so sudden and beyond sad that such a horrible thing could happen so quickly.Your mention of the wellies brought tears to my eyes too.I collect my dgs from his lovely little village school where he is in Reception.I know most of the parents/grandparents who do the pick ups-I cannot imagine how devastating this must be.those poor poor parents :(

Hi Roadkillbunny,

Sorry to hear your sad news. It will be something that you never forget.
I am a Reception teacher and had a little boy suddenly die just after Christmas this year. It was absolutly devastating and something I still struggle with everyday. As my class are only 4 and 5 they had a lot of questions and worries which we answered very honestly (we took advice from local charities) and we spoke about the little boy as often as they wanted. I found the first few weeks very hard and often had to leave the class to have a little (or big) cry. The funeral was very hard and a lot of our parents, and a few children from the class, attended, as well as parents, governors, teachers and SLT from around the school.
We keep in contact with the parents and are currently organising lots of fundraising for a garden for him. Months on he is brought up in conversation everyday but at least one child. A lot of their role play has been based on death recently and I think this is a way of them comprehending the situation.

Writing this now I have tears running down, so I understand how it must be hard for you too. I think what got me through was the great support from parents and other teaching staff. Each day parents would come with hugs and words of support (which often left me crying at the front door!).

Reception age child in DS1's yr also died suddenly, huge shock. The school did let some staff have time off to attend the funeral, at least. It took a while for details to come out & better to say less to respect the bereaved family, I think. Not a tiny school, either, fairly big, just a shocking thing nobody could have foreseen. :(

You are so right, how tragic for all of you that have been affected. thinking of you all

OP - so sorry to hear this.

I have often been tempted to post saying just be happy that this is your biggest worry when I read some very minor concern re reading levels etc that has been made to sound like a major issue.

I have not suffered the loss of a child but being unable to make your child well and watching them be in constant pain really puts minor worries into perspective.

Jaspercasper your post has really resonated with me and had me crying again, I am so sorry you and your class, colleagues, pupils and your school family have had to go through this to and of course another family have lost a child. ragged the same really, it is just so awful when a child dies suddenly and when they are so, so young...
I know that any member of staff who feels that they need some time off would be free to take as long as they needed even if that meant closing the school for a few days however knowing our staff (and a good number of them are also part of the village community) they will want to be in school to be their for the children to help them through this and to support each other and the family of the little girl as much as they can. I know school will provide any professional support that is needed for staff and children and will keep up links with the little girls family as much as the family wish, they have a younger child a few years off school age as well and have attended the village toddler group ever since the little girl started school here, I hope, in time, she comes back to the toddler group, we will all offer her what ever she needs from us, I just hope that in losing her little girl she doesn't feel she needs to cut her ties with us all in this community (the family don't live in the village) unless that is what she wants. I am not sure I am expressing myself very well with this.

When it comes to funeral I don't know what will happen or what the family will want, if they want a private service then I would imagine the school will hold a memorial service at some point down the line (CofE school) but we will just have to wait and see and let the family and school lead the way.

To answer thegreylady's question, at this time it is suspected meningitis, she was rushed to hospital early hours of Monday morning and passed away a few hours later. There is a viral bug going round the school at the moment so there are quite a few poorly little ones, all the ill little ones have been checked over, any that are vulnerable for any reason have been given antibiotics and we have all had a letter to warn us of signs and told to seek medical advice if there is and doubt at all. So far all has been fine with other children.

My dd who is almost 7 (also have ds who just turned 4 but he hasn't got a clue really, he never played with the girl and the younger sibling is under 2 so never on his radar at toddler group) has so far taken it a bit matter of fact, getting a bit confused with the Easter story, I have told her that if shehas any questions at all to come and ask any time however big or small, so far she has asked where is she now (physically, I told her there was a special place in the hospital where they will find out what happened) and she has asked simply why, that was harder to explain :( . Due to the fact dd left school early on Friday she wasn't there when everybody found out (the reception staff found out just after lunch but were asked to not say anything to allow parents to be there to explain to their children how they wanted to. How the staff survived the afternoon I don't know, Y6 had organised a fun run for sports relief so that was a blessing as they could hand over to other staff after they found out) so I think Monday when she comes home from school there are going to be many more questions, I just hope I don't mess up trying to answer the unexplainable, I may need help and hope that some people here may be able to guide me.
Sorry this is really long again, I guess I need an outlet. (and I feel selfish and self centred in admitting that)

roadkill so for you and the school. It is a horrible thing - DD1 has a classmate who has now had his leukaemia return for a 2nd time - he is not expected to fight through this time. The school is doing a lot of fundraising for the unit where he and his parents are staying, but it is awful for everyone.

Doing something only does so much to take away the pain.

A little girl in ds's school died suddenly last year and another little girl in their music group only weeks later. It just seems so pointless and so terribly sad.

I've been coming on mumsnet looking for advice because I am sitting here worrying that my dd is behind in reception, been putting a lot of pressure on myself and my beautiful intelligent daughter, this has really brought things home to me. She's out at the moment with my ds and dh can't wait for them to get home and give a big hug, life's too short. If you need to vent then may as well be here as anywhere else, may even be easier anonymously.

This post made me cry. You are so right. I'm so sorry for everyone who has lost a child or knows someone who has.

I taught a class once where a girl died of menigitis, she was older (yr6) , it was a terrible time. The school were great and we all took things slowly and let everyone talk, or not, whenver they needed to. Overtime, the school community recovered, although she was always missed. I am no longer at the school ( this was over 10 yrs ago now) but I often think of the little girl, especially when I see girls of the age she would be now. It is terrible, but stick together as a community to support eachother and the family.

Roadkill-she will probably have lots of questions, ours did once
it was public knowledge and everyone was speaking about it
in the playground. Our advice was to be entirely factual with the children and parents could then add in bits about what they believe-heaven, stars etc.
Luckily the children bounce back very quickly. I told my class a few days after it happened (some already knew from parents), and 5 minutes later they were happily playing. However, a few months on there are often cards on my desk for the little boy or questions about it all...so it still plays on their mind.
Hope tomorrow goes as well as it can do for you. I'm pretty sure that I will never have to deal with anything as difficult as that again.

Such sad news. My late dad was a head of a primary school for many years, and I know his saddest day was when they list a young girl to meningitis. He spoke at her funeral, and organised a quiet area in the school gardens, with a bench where children and staff could sit and be peaceful.

We sadly lost my dad a few years ago, but he talked about her right to the end.

So sad.

How tragic, words seen very cheap. I have a 4yo DD in reception, in a small village school - there are only 55 children (that includes nursery) and everyone knows everyone. My DD, together with her 10mth old brother, are the lights in my life and I cannot even begin to imagine what that poor girl's family are going through. My thoughts are with her family and your community as a whole.

This is one of the saddest threads I have read on here and the title has such a poignant message to all of us to treasure what is important.

It is very true. My DS was seriously ill aged 6 yrs (happily recovered) but I vowed at that time never to worry again about trivial things. Most things you can change or do something about. I was powerless when it was health.

How tragic, how awful. I'm so sorry to hear this.