Need advice, new here & just feel a bit lost!

[Treefoomom]

Hi, I'm having a bit of a dilemma atm with my DS's teacher in reception. He is very good at reading, writing, maths & taking on information, storing it & repeating it back verbatim to teacher - he has a habit of shouting out answers to every question in class, as he knows the answers & she doesn't like it at all. We have tried to help at home by making him put his hand up when we do (fun!) quick-fire questions to him & younger sister... they love these sessions & we'd never push them beyond what they find enjoyable.
The problem right now - there have been others - is that I have asked why he hasn't been given a harder book band to read, as he is pretty bored with the ones he has atm, as he reads them so easily & often gets given the same book every other week. When I spoke to his teacher, she was very vague & said there were things he hadn't accomplished within their tests (which I wasn't told about at any point). So I asked her specifically what it was we could help with at home, so he could progress further, as he actually sighs now, when we bring out the same books & says to me "Mummy, I've already read that in school & at home" - he can almost recite the book front to back without even looking at it.
His teacher did her usual with me, crossed her arms, put on her stern face, made herself all defensive & said 'she', as his 'qualified' teacher, would be the one to decide when he was ready - this from a woman who can barely spell correctly (I have been known to correct her hideous spelling, as I don't want my children to think poor spelling is acceptable).
I want to write to the head teacher, but I am actually worried about making any waves, as DS's teacher seems to dislike either me, or him & I don't want him to be bullied in class by the one person who is there to safeguard him & be his protector/mentor when he's not with us.
My DH has said I should simply buy more appropriate books & we will teach him even more at home. We do reading/spelling & maths every night where possible after school & he is always asking questions, wanting answers & probes into subjects I didn't even know he was aware of.
Is it wrong of me to want more info from his teacher on how we can help, or am I being pushy in wanting my child to feel fulfilled with his school work? He does get bored in class, yet at parents evening, his teacher was so positive about him & really astounded me when she was glowing in her report of his achievements, yet on a day to day basis, she often puts him down to me, makes it seem like he is being a trouble maker & always approaches me with solidly stern face, crossed arms & a frown. I'm getting very upset by all of this, as it feels like a bit of a focused attack, just not sure who it's aimed at & in the mean time, my DS is frustrated & we feel, held back in his ability to absorb information & learn.
Any advice welcome, thank you :)

Could it be that you are focusing on his learning (academic for want of a better shorthand) and his teacher is trying to work (daily) on his in class 'social' skills? Hence at parents' evening she reported his progress and was very positive but when speaking to you daily it is more your DS behaviour that is raised. So would it be better to work with the teacher on the behaviour/social/classroom skills for now. There is nothing to stop you continuing to share reading outside of the school's reading scheme and other practical application of knowledge fun tasks - there are 4 biscuits-left how many would DS and DD have if they shared them and so on.

I know exactly what you mean. Never mind DS, I got bored with the same bloody Kipper books all the time. Stop reading the books from school (and write in his reading record that you haven't because he has already had this one and knows it by heart), go to the library and get some books that stretch him more and write these up in his reading record. Do similar with maths books (WH Smith do various ones). it shouldn't be like this, but I decided to put my energy into doing stuff outside school than constantly badgering DS's teacher (not saying you are badgering, but I know I felt I was).

He shouldn't be getting the same books over and over again. If he needs to develop skills he should be getting different ones working on the same skills. If he has real behavioural problems he should be referred to the SENCo.
I would probably talk to the head.
I would also use the library etc. to help him find books he enjoys reading.

He is clearly doing ok on the academic side but perhaps the focus should also be on the social side too. Reception is not just about academics but about settling into the school system about learning when to sit quietly, how to take turns etc.

I hope you are not correcting her spelling on something the teacher sees, if you are then I wouldn't be surprised if the relationship was a bit frosty. I am also a bit concerned when you said "the teacher did her usual". How many times have you had to speak to her?

If you genuinely think that she is not providing appropriate work for your son and not responding when you ask her to do so then you can escalate the matter but I strongly suspect she will take it very badly.

This may be controversial but the academic side of reception is not particularly critical and can be easily supplemented at home to the extent necessary, its probably not worth butting heads with his teacher over. If your son gets the same book again then agree to whizz through it quickly then you can read something more fun.

Thank you all for you messages/advice, much to think about!
Jwim/Chaz: Yes, I do focus on his academic side, as he has shown a lot of interest in learning, almost begs for information & is very enthusiastic, so I am doing what he shows interest in, so he doesn't get bored.
He doesn't have 'behavioural problems' (Mummytime), he is a normal, jiggly, happy 4 yr old, who is just really interested in the world around him.
All children have some things they don't like, I appreciate that, my DS doesn't like being left with nothing to occupy him (though he will very happily occupy himself with anything from picking up 'bit's from the carpet' at carpet time, to building with anything he can find). I'm not saying he's an angel all of the time, he has his naughty moments & I discipline him & fully back up the teachers when they put him on the time-out chair if he has been disruptive or naughty at school, we have a very solid system in place at home, such as removing toys/activities he loves & he has to earn them back by displaying good behaviour at school & at home, sharing, caring & being respectful of others, so I'm sure we are doing the right things where his behaviour is concerned & he responds really well to this system - this isn't a problem & he has never been cruel or hurtful to others.
I appreciate also that academia isn't vital at this stage in his life, being only 4 & the youngest in his class of 30, but see no reason to deprive him of learning where he shows acute interest. I can also see that one teacher & one teaching assistant cannot give 1-1 to every child in such a large class - but if I ask for information on how to do more at home, in order to expand his mind & help him do well at school - being fobbed off is not what I would expect to hear.
Having spoken to many of the mums of other children both in his class & in the year above, I have discovered that his teacher is 'well known' for her dislike of boys, always favouring girls & has only been qualified for one year. When I have spoken to her about how I can help at home (so not asking her to 'do' anything) - she has become defensive in her attitude to me & been very snappy with me, despite me making the best effort not to get grouchy with her attitude.
She seems to take everything personally & I have witnessed her being very huggy & happy when talking/interacting with the girls in his class, not so with the boys/parents of boys - she crosses her arms/frowns & has this 'look' that she gives both the parent of the boy she is talking to & also to the boy.
I have gone above her head once for how she dealt with one thing last year at the start of the term - where she "Frog-marched my DS off to Ms. 'head of EY' & made him sit on the nursery time-out' - this for putting a bit of broken lego in his pocket (she said he was 'STEALING' and that STEALING was a crime' O.o )
I thought his was a bit strong & spoke to another ex-teacher about it, who agreed it was way over the top - the head teacher backed her up & made me feel the size of a pin-head, leaving me in tears. So, said teacher may have issue with me, due to me going over her head that time, but I have done nothing since then, but keep my mouth shut.
I think for now, we will continue to read more challenging books at home & with our 'word of the week', which he loves & another mum suggested getting the workbooks from Usborne for reading & maths, which she said her DD is now using (same class as my DS), because she is also getting bored. It's starting to look like a couple of children aside from my DS are finding the level they are working at, a little slow for them.
Thank you again for all of your suggestions, they are very welcome & it has definitely given me more to consider & to try & be more objective/pro-active!
:) (and very sorry for the long post!)

I think you should look at stretching him sideways more than focussing on the same academic work that he is doing in school. Museums, music, art etc otherwise there is a risk that he will find school boring because he is repeating what you are already doing with him.

Additionally, how is his pencil grip etc does he need any work on his fine or gross motor control. Working on these areas can be fun and will help with writing.

Sorry you're having a hard time. FWIW I don't think your requests are unreasonable. It's certainly not great to read books from memory but you can continue reading other books outside school. If you get the same book back from school you could ask him to re-tell you the story in his own words, ask what he thinks might happen next, what could he think to add to the story tomake it more interesting / funny, what were the characters thinking when they did x? etc

You don't need to buy books as they change level so much at this stage. You can join this scheme with a small monthly subscription and they post you books at the appropriate level. I found it more useful than books from our local library where it was often hard to guage what was going to be right.

Only one more term to go? Sometimes you do just get an 'off' teacher that doesn't click. It's frustrating for all concerned but I'm afraid it's a fact of school life. It sounds as though you've done all you can (although I wouldn't do a lot of teacher spelling corrections anymore :o)

Sorry but he's bored at carpet time so he picks fluff off the carpet. First of all how do you know this? Second he should be developing his listening and participation skills during carpet time. Next you said he shouts out answers, well this is a huge no no, and he really does have to learn not to do it. It is much better that he learns this at 5 than still doing it at 11.
In a class room he is one of 30 (or even at private schools, at least 12), he has to learn to take turns and listen to others.
In classrooms if he learns to listen he will hopefully discover that those who are less "clever" than him can still teach him something.
If he is clever I wouldn't be re-enforcing school work outside school but be encouraging him to follow his own interests. So learn more about planets if that is his interest, or learn to closely observe nature (eg. birdwatching, watching the changing seasons, keeping a nature diary).

Actually I think those kind of workbooks are really boring BTW. There are much better ways to develop kids skills.

Hi again & once more, thank you for replies - I wasn't expecting so many & so diverse! ;)
To Chaz - we do all of those things anyway, music/museums/zoo/parks/soft play/swimming/cycling & a whole host of other things, we even have access to chickens/goats and a huge forest at the in-laws.. We are working on fine motor skills as well - his pen holding is not perfect by a long shot lol!
To Betterwhen - Thanks for the link, I will look into it in a moment & yes, I think you have hit the nail on the head - having an 'off' teacher doesn't help him or me, but am trying to just get through until he is finished for the summer - I've heard that his next teacher is a lot better at coping with both boys & girls & is much more fair when it comes to singling out/or not, as the case may be!
To Mummytime - the picking fluff off the carpet I found out about from his teacher at Parent's evening... She said that she was certain he wasn't listening, as he was picking little 'bit's of anything off the floor & making a pattern with it - then when she asked him what she had just said - he repeated back to her, word for word what she had said & answered her question clearly.

As for the shouting out - he only did this twice & as we have been working on exactly what you mentioned ie giving others the chance to answer, he hasn't done it again & has been waiting his turn & allowing others to answer their own questions. We suggested that he answers in his head, then waits for the teacher to confirm if he was correct or not, he liked that & smiled lots when he got things right.
He also has planet posters/space books & figures & castles etc - he's not short of things to interest him at home, he has always been wanting & getting good stimulation - it's just this class where he gets bored. He does out of school activities as well with private clubs & they have all, without exception, given him glowing reports on every front.
But I do agree that enforcing the waiting to take turns & allow others to develop is something he needs to learn more and we are working on it daily, making him put his hand up & wait to be asked before answering & for him not to shout out, regardless of how excited he is about knowing the answer.
He really is the sweetest & loveliest boy, everyone who meets him has nothing but lovely things to say about him, his manners, his behaviour with friends - it really is just this one teacher :(

Oh & on the teacher spelling corrections... I do this at home, not for her eyes, I know it would just make things worse, but I do show my children how to spell correctly if I know the spelling is wrong :)

Well its not that much longer with this teacher.
Do just let him follow his own interests out of school (and don't talk down to him), and I'm sure he will be fine. Hopefully he gets a better teacher next year.

Sometimes you and your child don't gel with the teacher for a variety of reasons and it can be easiest to grin and bear it for the rest of the year. Not the answer you are looking for I know, but sometimes it really is all you can do.

Thank you so much Mummytime & Lizcat... I really needed to hear that: I was badly bullied at school for being a little bit 'brighter' than a couple of girls, they were truly horrible to me & I'm desperately trying to make sure my kids stay safe at school, the last thing I expected was a teacher to be the one causing me distress on that front! I guess I'll just have to toughen up & expect that sometimes the teachers aren't always going to be zealous, excited about teaching & pushing that extra mile when a child shows interest! I was very lucky to have some amazing teachers all through nursery/primary & a few exceptional ones in secondary & FE & I was in the state system from primary through to Uni too! (I had been thinking - change schools, go private!).

Even in private schools you will come across teachers who just don't gel with you and your child. You really have to look at the bigger picture are you happy with school as a whole.