should we change school - advice please!

[misslongstocking]

Last September my eldest daughter started middle school It's 1 of 2 in our town . We chose the one where the rest of her first school class weren't going - mainly because it feeds to a well-liked and successful high school (DH attended the least popular one + hated it ! but that was 30+ yrs ago)
She seemed happy with that as she didn't have a particular best friend at first school and was looking forward to making new friends.
All seemed well at first, but things have soured - she's seems to be constantly falling out with the other children and is so unpleasant at home - this morning she even said 'I hate my life'. She wishes she had gone to the other,smaller middle school with her old friends.Most children at the new school knew eachother before and tend to stick together Have invited a couple of them for tea but it's not gone any further.
I feel so upset for her (although have tried to be encouraging) and really don't know what to do - do we even consider changing , looking at long term ? But what about the here and now?
Have spoken to school few wks ago ,they dont seem overly concerned and think she looks reasonably happy But I know she's not.
If I could go back in time,would just have gone to local school with everyone else - surely being happy is more important than doing well in exams? I know that's easy to say in hindsight
Really don't know what to do Any advice would be appreciated ,I'm going out of my mind!!!!!

Sorry I'm not sure what age middle schools start, is it year four or five? The thing is girls can get quite nasty at that age and especially if there's a third wheel trying to join the group it can cause problems. (hormones are kicking in big time!) I would talk again to the school, could they set up a circle of friends for her? If you're happy with the school keep her there, things will settle down. Maybe go and look around the other school, it may not be as bad as you think, or it could be worse. Remember even if you took her back she may have the same problem as friendship groups change. It is hard I know as you want what's best for your daughter, but I don't think there is an easy win.

Thanks for your thoughts,nmason (- middle school runs from y5 - y8 by the way.)
Think I'm going to take your advice and ring the school tomorrow and maybe make an appointment to see someone in 'pastoral care'.
I'm reasonably pleased with the school,but I get the impression that much of the school's success is down to the supportive parents it attracts . My daughter may have been just fine at the other one...

Year 5 is hard work but they come out the other side best of friends by the end of year 6 and there would have been falling outs if you'd stuck with the other school.
Eyes on the prize and bigger picture and all that.

Not very up to date advice but my own school experience sounds similar. I went to a secondary school with just one other child from my primary school, found it very hard to break into exsisting friendship groups and opted to leave after two terms. When I started at my new school, the one most of my original classmates had gone to, I found that I didn't fit in there either as people had made new alliances.

A school move may be right but I wouldn't bank on it to solve the problems. The pastoral route may be more effective.

Have been to see 'pastoral support' person who was quite reassuring - daughter doing well with her work -also, she said that (as heswall & nmason pointed out) girls this age are difficult when it comes to friendships ,she is by no means alone on that score.We talked about ways of managing behaviour at home which was useful ...but didn't broach subject of changing school

However,still have nagging doubts - a group of her old friends came to school this week for netball & were overjoyed to see her (as she was them) - daughter came home saying 'wish I could go to school with them'
Of course,there's no way of knowing how it would've turned out at the other school - or what it would be like if she changed now ,as TalkingToTheWoodlice pointed out.But since I posted first message, have discovered 2 boys have moved from our current school to the other & they love it!!
Worryingly,think part of the problem is ME too - I feel like a snob having chosen the other school & hate it when people ask why we've gone there!It's taken me by surprise how much I miss seeing all the old faces (but haven't said this in front of daughter)

Her old friends are happy and doing well ,in retrospect I would've felt proud to champion our local school & our community!! Husband thinks I'm mad and that we should stick with our decision & make it work ....

Okay a couple of things. First if she does move school she probably will not be able to just "drop into" her old friendships, they may well have moved on too. This age is when lots of friendships change a lot.
Second why can't she meet up with her old friends out of school? My DCs school is very close to a Catholic secondary, and lots of kids know kids at the other school. They all meet up after school (there is a small parade of shops between the schools), and lots of them socialise with kids at the other schools in town (including the private ones etc.).

I thinks having friends outside of "school" is very very good at this age, and helps a lot with the nastiness that can go on.