My DS (Y1) was told his teacher is gay

[lou2321]

Hi, I added this message to the end of an old thread and had a couple of responses but then realised most were responding to the original question and it would be great to have any mopre views - especially if the following has happened to you -

My DS has the most amazing male infant school teacher, all the children adore him, he is a fantastic teacher who engages them etc etc.

DS came home and told me that his teacher is gay. I asked him where he heard that and he said that another child has told him. Knowing the DC I would imagine it has come from his family as this is not the first time he has repeated something this child has said that is totally inappropriate for a 6 year old.

How do I get him to not repeat this to anyone else without making it a big deal, I would be mortified if he repeated it at school and they thought it had come from my or DH (I know that may sound a bit childish but we would never say that true or not).

Should I mention it to another teacher or just ignore it?

Could you pass this information on to the appropriate person, headmaster? Regardless of where they children heard it - there is obviously 'talk' 'chat' etc and ask for their guidance?

My younger brother (many decades ago) was at school and suddenly the boys started to talk loads about being 'gay' etc in a silly, innocence, slightly warped way. The school was informed and it turns out one of the kids older brothers had come out as gay - said little brother didn't quite understand and brought the idea into the playground - it all got very very silly (we weep with laughter about it all now). There was nothing malicious, or negative about it. Just children being silly. I'm not sure what the school did to be honest but I'm sure they tackled it somehow.

Children do know use the word gay to mean rubbish - maybe that is what the other child meant?

Why is it inappropriate for a 6 year old to use the word gay?! I would guess that he's using the word experimentally because he isn't quite sure what it means (although he suspects it's a 'grown-up' word) and to see what your reaction is. I'd just ask him if he knows what it means and give him a simple, matter of fact explanation. And then tell him it's not really any of his business whether or not his teacher is gay and not to gossip. Once he finds out it's no big deal he probably won't repeat it anyway.

Children do know use the word gay to mean rubbish - maybe that is what the other child meant?

They do - and this should be challenged.

could well be a way of saying 'rubbish' - ds (y4) is currently being reminded that it's not an okay work to bandy around when teasing people. Even if the teacher is homosexual, just explain it to your ds and leave it at that. Not really a problem - def wouldn't go into school - what if he isn't?

I didn't mean it was inappropriate to use the word gay, its inappropriate for parents to be discussing whether the DC teacher is gay in front of them or some of the other things that have come from this particluar child, sorry I realise how it sounded.

I asked him what it means and he has no idea, he said his friend had told him that the teacher was gay.

In this case we do know the teacher is gay and we of course don't care at all but we wouldn't discuss it with DS as like you say it is no ones business.

I guess I was just upset at the thought that he may say it at school and the school could think that we would have said it to him.

Thanks for your help.

You need to explain to your son what gay means- if you haven't already. Then you need to tell him that some very very stupid people use "gay" to mean "rubbish" ( and no, it isn't an alternative meaning).

Then, I think possibly have a word with the head teacher (if you think he/she is sensible). Otherwise just keep an ear open.

I agree with DaisySteiner. You need to make sure he knows what it means in very simple terms and ensure he understands that there is nothing wrong with being gay. You also need to point out that his teacher may not be gay at all and not to take gossip seriously or repeat it to his peers.

Even if the teacher is gay he may not want it known by the parents as I imagine, in some areas, a lack of open-mindedness may cause the teacher problems. In this instance it might be worth explaining what your DS has heard to the Head or even the teacher himself if you don't feel he would be too uncomfortable. Explain you have educated your son in the matter but didn't want the situation getting out of hand and causing the teacher any embarrasment.

There are many children who have two mummies or two daddies, and they talk openly and frankly about it. They're not fussed by their alternative family unit until someone else makes a big deal of it.

I had a child in my class a few years ago who openly talked about her mum being gay (previously married, now with female partner) and not a single child batted an eye lid. I wasn't quite sure how to respond, but in fact I was making it into more of an issue than the children were. They had just accepted it.

I don't see why your DS is too young to know what gay means. I wouldn't out his teacher to him, but I would explain it in simple terms.

I really don't know whether he wants people to know or not, we live in a very small city, everyone knows everyone so there are no secrets at all hence why everyone knows.

I don't have any issue about my DS knowing what gay means but its just not a subject until now we have had any reason for discussing. He is not too young to know what it is but why would we discuss in front of him whether his teacher is gay or not if this hadn't happened? Would any of you?

We have had issues with the DC that said it in the past, he seems to be around older children and adult conversation a lot - he is the DC that informs the other children of all the things we probably hope they will be a bit older before they know about!

Well now you do have a reason! And you can explain what it means whilst also telling him that it's not polite to discuss something about his teacher that his teacher hasn't told him about, in the same way you wouldn't discuss whether he lived in a big house or a tiny house, because it's none of his business.

I had to openly discuss my periods with a group of year 5 girls who had never heard of such a thing, but were told by the school nurse that all women had them. It's not a conversation I would have ever thought I'd have whilst teaching, but the conversation came up. They were genuinely horrified to learn they would have them too!

I think the general consensus for 'tricky questions' is that you answer enough to satisfy the child, but without using euphemisms or over-simplifying.

He asked you what gay means, so tell him. Don't mention his teacher. If he asks if his teacher is gay, say that's a private thing for his teacher and that it's not nice to discuss things that people don't want to talk about.