Teacher talked to me about ds's bad behaviour last week - upset - wwyd?

[PiedWagtail]

My ds (aged 4, year R)'s teacher spoke to me on Fri at pick-up about ds (out of his earshot, dh had him). Said he has been very silly and not listening the last few days, had been told off several times but carried on doing what he ahd been told off for (climbing on chairs during lesson, etc.), and copying his best friend when he does silly things - they got sent out of PE and had to apologise to the PE teacher!

Am quite mortified. Have talked to ds and he can't say why he did those things (lack of impulse control - natural at that age, I know). Have said he can play with his friend but he KNOWS the rules for behaving in class and he must stick to them. If his friend is being silly then walk away, ignore him, don't do what he's doing!

Have said I will check with his teacher every day at pick up that he has been good. Two questions: (1) Would you do anything else? I don't want to bang on about it, but it is important that he can sit still at school and listen to the teacher! This is v out of character for him - he is usually a very good boy at school but in general he has a fairly short attention span and is not very good at listening. Sigh. He hasn't been behaving well at home either this week - not sure why.

(2) His best friend's mum and I are good friends. His friend can be quite naughty and is not a good example to follow! Should I have a chat with his mum about it (what to say?) or just leave well alone??

Thanks!

No - don't ruin your friendship by mentioning it. Why make her feel even worse, as she's probably had 'the chat' from the teacher too and will be worried about her son's behaviour without your turning the knife even more!School will deal with it. Leave it at that. Accept that your 4 year old boy will have moments of naughtiness - it won't be the last time you're spoken to about silly behaviour, I guarantee. While it's easy to lay the blame on the other boy, you have to accept that your child has a mind of his own, and it is part of the learning curve to teach him to choose the right thing to do. He won't always get it right. It's not a big deal. Stop beating yourself up about it!

I think what you've said to him is spot one. The only thing that leaps out is that while you've said you'll be checking with teacher etc, you haven't said (at least not here) what the consequences will be if the teacher says he's been disruptive again. It needn't be huge - but some outcome (losing a treat, that sort of thing) to focus his mind a bit might be helpful.

Is he overtired? Eating OK etc? When mine were nightmares it would always turn out that they had a cold or chicken pox or something brewing; I'd end up quite relieved when the bug eventually arrived.

Re the friend's mum - I'd leave it for now. You might end up having to say something, but chances are this will settle down and pointless having an awkward conversation if you don't need to. Give it a few weeks.

Well sounds quite normal for YR; but also normal for a teacher to mention it.
I wouldn't have a dicussion with your friend if the terms are your DS is a bad influence on my DS - she might be thinking the same thing..

Thanks all :) we are having coffee this week so won't mention it. Her ds has been really good for my ds in helping him settle into school and he's a lovely boy, just, er, knows his own mind!

Although he's very young, he does need to learn that he is responsible for his own behaviour, no matter what other children do. The sooner he learns this, the easier time he will have during his school years and, in fact, life in general.

My ds was 'silly' at this age and I used to remind him that he was the only one who moved his arms, his legs, his mouth. So when he did something silly, he only had himself to 'blame'. There will always be other children around to lead him astray, so he has to think for himself. He's a lovely, responsible, strapping 12 year old now .