oh dear....i think i might have upset the teachers?!!

[crazygal]

hi all....
i have a friend whos boy is in the same class as my ds,
her ds has speech and language probs and mine has adhd/aspergers...
my friend does not get on with the school,where as i do,she falls out with everyone including teachers,i get on very well with them,
this "friend" came in to my work place last week and asked what was "up" with my ds,so i told her he had adhd etc,she asked how do i cope with him,etc,she asked how do i get on with the school and teachers,
i gave her advice on how to get on better with the school and to get to her gp and seek help for her son,as she admitted she dosent know what to do with him half the time,
i have been giving her bits of advice over the last month i suppose,
and have told her the teachers are great with my ds....

today i picked up ds from school and the teacher wanted a word with me,she asked if i had been talking to this lady much?i said yes,that i have been giving her advice on what i do with ds at home etc,the teacher said mmmmmmm,cause over the last two ish weeks shes been coming in saying pretty much what you say!
i told the teacher that i only give her advice on her son,like going to the dr. for extra help,and getting a letter of support from you guys,and playing games with her ds and talking to you abit more,the teacher said,"ok" thats fine,
i felt abit uneasey though that i think i might have spoke out of turn,that they didnt approve of me giving my advice to another parent....i wish i hadnt said anything now to be honest,
do you think thats annoyed them abit??

How odd. The only reason they would be upset is if they weren't doing their job of supporting the other boy and felt that you had called them on it (via her).

As long as she isn't twisting what you say, there'll be no bother. They were probably just interested in how she went from being (probably)bolshy and obstreperous (out of anxiety and being out of her depth) to being a bit more together and focused....

They probably just wanted to check that you were ok with their support - and hadn't been whining about them behind their backs (as they know she does normally)... So just checking you were ok... Maybe?

yes maybe,and maybe me reading into something thats not there?!!
she is a tempermental girl at the best of times,and two weeks ago the school sent her a letter,that in my eyes was ok! i calmed her down about it and told her how to go in and deal with it,i told her that theres a line,you can stand one side and the school can stand on the other,or,you can both be on the same side,work with them and calm down!! which she did.....
i am worried that she has twisted what ive said...she takes things out of context at times,
today i told the teacher that i think she needs alittle support,and that shes not all that confident and needs some advice,i think her mouth runs away with her,again the teacher smiled and said mmmmm,oh well! (in a jolly way)
and yes,shes known as bolshy there.

I wonder if it was the teacher's round about way of checking whether you were okay with her taking words out of your mouth and whether you even knew about it.

As a teacher, I would never speak about one parent to another. But don't feel uneasy about what you did, because it sounds as if have may have spurred her into developing a better relationship with the school.

I suspect that the teacher was just trying to piece together what was happening.

yes true,i hope its just me then taking it up wrong,
i dont want to make things hard for the teachers or for my "friend" when things between them are already tense!
they work so well with my ds,and i hope they dont feel i was gossiping!
the teacher said you told her about your ds problems?i said yes,i dont know why,i probably just wanted to talk on that day,
ive always made it clear to the teacher that i didnt want anyone to know about ds issues as yet,
so think she was alittle shocked.

(lol at her stalking you at work though! )

I think I might be inclined to make it clear to the teacher, if you haven't already, that you hope this friend hasn't been twisting what you say, as you are very supportive of the school and grateful for all they are doing for your own ds. Never hurts!

yes clam,i think i might say something,what i dont know?!

My reaction is quite simple. You did nothing wrong in giving some advice to someone who needs it, so if some how the teacher feels upset by this then they will just have to get over it.

ok thats what dh is saying to,hes telling me to shut up...ive done nothing wrong,and that,yes,im probably reading into something thats not there!! but cant help feel that teacher was a tad put out....you know i think ill just leave it to,bringing it up might just make more of an issue, i cant help wanting to help this lady who seems to always get it wrong!
ive made calls for this lady to get on some parents courses aswell,and told her to get more info from parent support adviser,which she is doing,
i wish i had someone to help me when i was going through it all then,i felt so alone,and i know,(although she can be a nitemare) she feels alone and we all need a friend,

Hi all.
Well there you go. Went to school this morn and one of the teachers I get on so well with pulled me to one side and asked about what I'd said to that lady? I told her everything as above,the teacher said ok,I'll let your teacher know,I asked why?has she twisted what I've said? She said,just stay away from her,she will pull you down with her! Shit!!! Now I'm worried on what she said!!!
The teacher said she has fallen out with nearly every parent in the class and the teachers.
So seems I should have keep my gob shut!!
She also said there is no helping that woman. Ouch!!

You sound as if you have tried to be a very good friend to this lady but the teacher is right, there are some people you just can't help. There's no harm done as you have not upset the teachers and in future you can just be pleasant to the lady and her son without getting involved. I have been in a similar situation myself as I also have a son with ADHD. I was asked advice by a parent with a child in my younger son's class whose son was suspected of having ADHD. She befriended us and invited my son to play with hers. Now his diagnosis is thought to be something else we have been dropped and she is looking for friends with a different diagnosis. I wonder if she feels she opened up to me too much and is now embarrassed.

Don't worry about things for the sake of worrying about things. Wait until a real problem comes up.