How the hell do I help my DS?

[Moveslikejagger]

I am seriously worried about my DS. He has just turned 8 and really struggling at school.

Parents night tonight and he is below average for almost every subject apart from PE and music (neither of which he has an interest in particularly). My main concern is his literacy which is finds so difficult.

The school read with him every day, I do it every night. I also do some spellings with him too every night (not many, just a couple). I really do not know what to do to help him get on, his teacher says that he is above average for effort and he does try so hard but he just cannot 'get it'. His teacher says she does not think there are any 'issues' (her words) and I'm so worried that he is getting so far behind that he will never catch up. He's a lovely lad, tries really hard and is good in class and I hate to see him struggling so much and of course, I want him to have a good education too.

Basically he is trying his hardest but just not picking it up and I am absolutely at the end of my rope and cannot sleep for worrying about this. Any advice?

Thanks again, have pm'd you Sarah and I'm really interested in Toe to Tow as well Joanna, it seems to have the most amazing reviews.

*Toe

In my experience, Toe by Toe can be a bit daunting for younger ones. Usually I'd not use it with a child below Year 5 but instead probably start off with Dancing Bears and then maybe introduce The Hornet Literacy Primer after a few weeks start with Dancing Bears. It does depend just where they are at with reading though.

Hi moveslikejagger:

I think Jollyoldstnickschick probably has got this right.

My DD1 had a very slow start in KS1, but with support at home has made huge improvements in KS2.

I've written elsewhere about things in various feeds - but in short our solution was to work out that DD1 learned best when doing. Practice was what was missing (school policy was little or no homework). So we've built in opportunities for her to really practice in areas she was struggling.

With maths we joined mathsfactor: www.themathsfactor.com/ - but others have recommended Kumon or Mathswhizz or Mathletics. Basically all of these offer an opportunity to work through the building blocks and practice skills - something that just wasn't happening at our school.

With reading - we've encouraged friends/ family to give books as presents and searched out various book lists for good ideas: kidsread www.kidsreads.com/lists/classic-lists.asp or use bookfinder in book trust www.booktrust.org.uk/books-and-reading/children/

With writing - our school had no writing homework at all - so we've had to get writing on the sly. Sending postcards when on holiday, thank you cards after Christmas/ birthdays/ special treats, writing off for prizes and making homemade cards for friends. I've also tried to encourage keeping a diary (which may be more appealing to a girl than a boy).

We try to keep homework to around 30 minutes a day (usually split into small chunks of time 10 minutes here, twenty minutes there), unless she's enjoying a book (sometimes can read for 1 hour). But we make sure it always gets done - no matter how busy we all are. There are nights where we moan - there are nights where she moans - but two years on - this regime of regularly reading, writing and practicing maths has yielded great results.

We were told outright that the problem wasn't the school or teaching, by the Head Teacher, the problem was 'that our daughter just wasn't that bright'. Two years on, our DD received an award for the most improved pupil at the end of term assembly and I rather got the impression the subtext was that the school realised that they had rather let my DD1 down. Fortunately we could care less what the school thinks - we've had the view it was just 'day care' for a few years now. We sincerely thought there was no reason why our DD couldn't do this work - it was just that she didn't get it and we had to keep trying until she did.

I won't say these last two years have been easy -but I will say that I'm so glad we decided to go to battle about this poor performance. It will involve you in a lot of work, but it is so worth it to be there when the light switches on - when they get multiplication by 3, or whatever.

Finally - I will say that Mumsnet advice and BBC Learning Schools/ Teacher's section: www.bbc.co.uk/schools/teachers/ have made a huge difference. I've found out about all sorts of resources. Some work - some don't - but there's so much out there now to help parents and struggling students - it really is marvellous.

Hi Moves, yes I thought Toe By Toe was brilliant but I'd listen to Sarah if I were you re its suitability for your DS as she has much more experience than me. I do think though that if a child has somehow missed out on phonics the first time round, this will have a massive impact on every other subject. I would never have thought when he was 7/8 that my DS could be performing at the level he is now at 10. Never.
I really hope you find something that helps.

Hello Moves We tried Toe by Toe with my DD but she was only 6.11 yrs at the time and she found it really boring and a bit daunting. But I could certainly see that it might work and we will return to it later if we need to! It would certainly be worth a try with your son - he sounds like he's old enough to see the benefit it could bring to him. Perhaps showing him the words at the end of the book (that he would be able to read once he'd done the program) would be a big incentive. You also have a real record of achievement and it is quite good at highlighting areas that are difficult as you can clearly see where the same type of reading mistakes get repeated.

Stick rigorously to a short session ( 15 mins a day) but do it EVERY day. Starting and keeping it going over the holidays is a good way to start and get a boost.