Is it reasonable to expect the school to deal with this?

[meredeux]

Ds is in year 5. There's a boy in his class who the other children say "has anger-management problems". God knows where they got the phrase from. He regularly rages at the teachers (throwing things at them etc) and the other boys are scared to go against his wishes in case he gets angry.

The boy is causing DS problems in the playground. This boy has decided that DS and another boy are to be excluded from the daily football game. Today was the 5th day in a row that it has happened. The other boys all say that DS can play but then the "angry" boy comes over and over rules them.

Is it worth even raising this with the teacher. Could she do anything?

In our school I would refer this to the Learning Mentor - she would either work with the boy concerned, or the group of boys or the class to resolve the conflict. They definitely need to know this.

This suggests a break down in the supervision at playtime, as it should have been picked up that this was happening. I would definitely go in and have a conversation with the class teacher.

Reading between the lines of what DS tells me, I think the boy may have special needs. Does that change the school's expectation of how he should behave or what the other children should put up with?

Depends what the needs are, and how they expect the other children to deal with them.

I couldn't begin to answer what's wrong with the "angry" boy Feenie. It could even be nothing except a bad temper and a reluctance to work for all I know.

That's why the school need to know

The school definitely need to know for two reasons, firstly to decide if they need to observe more closely this child's interactions for the safety of the other children but secondly, the child needs help. Whether special needs or not he needs help to try to understand why and how he acts that way and have a firm basis on which to talk to his parents ( if they aren't already). DS1 is in Y3 and can sometimes see red. He likes control and when other boys won't play his way he gets angry. We have taught him how to stop, take a step back and not act on it but if no-one is helping the child channel his anger/feelings no-one is going to progress.

Of course you should tell the school they can then deal accordingly. Otherwise the other boy won't know that what he's doing is unacceptable.

You are being reasonable.

I know a boy who's a year older and very similar in temperament. My son describes this boy as having anger management issues too.
School has had more success empowering the "other boys" rather than "the leader" and on a good day they can persuade the Leader that he is being unreasonable. I can't help but wonder why the others don't just exclude the leader and play with whoever they want but according to ds and some of his other mates who have mentioned this issue, it doesn't work like that.

Is it worth even raising this with the teacher.
Yes it certainly is. You MUST raise this problem with the school

Do the following:-

1. Keep a diary of the incidents and record everything that happens date and time and what was said.
2. Write to the school about the problems. It needn?t be long and rambling just short and to the point. ?I am very disappointed to find that ? My son is very unhappy at school because ??
3. At the end of next week, check with the school to see what has been done. Ask them what progress has been made regarding these problems.
4. If you are not happy that the problems are being addressed then take it up with the Headteacher. Ask what progress has been made regarding the problems.
5. You may choose to approach one of the Governors about the problems ?I?m concerned about ? I want to make sure that I?m going about this in the right way?. The Governors should just check that the correct procedures are been followed.
6. How the school addresses parental concerns is a measure of how good the school is.

Danfmdorking - agree absolutely- wonderful advice

I've written a letter to the class teacher this morning. I tried to persuade DS to speak to his teacher himself but he got very anxious even though he has a lovely teacher whom he trusts completely.

I would add that I've written the letter despite DH being very against involving the teacher. When he and I were children, we would have been expected to resolve these sort of things ourselves but things have changed a lot in 35 years, haven't they??

So we will see what happens.

Absolutely worth bringing to the school's attention. There are a couple of boys in DD1's class with "anger management issues". DD1 talks fairly casually about times when so-and-so has had one of his "moments" but has never seemed at all scared or intimidated so I have confidence that the staff are on top of the situation. Incidents seem to be dealt with swiftly, they have lots of strategies for dealing with and supporting children who are out of control - and they keep the rest of the class safe. A recent Ofsted inspection reported that the children feel safe and report that bullying is almost unheard of.

Ime many schools are much better at dealing with these matters than they were 30 years ago, they have a plan, and they know how to get the other children involved. Even dd's shitty junior school did very well on this kind of issue.

Yes raise it with the school.