Dd feels overlooked at school...

[carrotsandcelery]

Dd feels that her teacher doesn't notice her/ like her.

Today they had a guest and despite being well behaved and trying hard it was the boys who had mucked around, interupted etc who were invited to thank the visitor and offer the class gift. I appreciate that the teacher may have had her reasons for giving these boys this opportunity but it is one of a long list of incidents where dd has not been noticed.

She has not been allowed to give her weekend news since October. She feels it is the same 6 pupils who get to do this. She is not the only one who feels this is happening to them. If they ask about it the teacher tells them it will be even longer before they get a chance to speak.

We are having a lot of problems at home as her brother is being treated for mental health problems. Dd has also been being bullied at the school (which the teacher did nothing about). Her teacher knows about both of these problems but is still making dd feel ostracised.

Should I do something about this or is this just life and something she has to learn to deal with? (ie am I being overprotective?)

If I should do something then how could I approach this?

In a class of 30+ she may not be overlooked, but there may be others with more intense issues or the teacher may not even be keeping track of who she picks (most likely). I know it's hard. My ds1 got upset at school when people could choose toys to play with, and he never got picked. I just explained there were a lot of kids in the class...he would get picked one day. If you think about it, how many school weeks have there been since October? Is this the number of kids in the class? It would take most of 2 terms to get through 30 kids from September (at a guess).

Maybe you could encourage her to write down the people's names who get picked and what it was for with a date. It could be a good exercise and could show her she is wrong when faced with the facts or could show her she's right and then she can show it to the head at the end of term!

A difficult one. If you feel that you are really getting nowhere with the teacher in person maybe put your concerns in writing to her. She can't really ignore that [I hope!].
If no joy you may need to chat to head of year or Head. Good luck.

i think this is a common problem. the children who are less well behaved, or who need extra help with work etc get a lot of attention, an those who are generally well behaved and get on ok with work just get left to it.
it's grossly unfair, and it certainly doesn't have to be like that.

I guess I would just say to her that yes, it IS unfair, but sometimes that's just the way things go. sshe'll have a new teacher next year and it'll be different then

do you feel the teacher is approachable?

Thank you merry and smile.

I can see that there are dcs in the class with more pressing problems than hers. I used to teach so I know how hard it is to be attentive to everyone in front of you.

Keeping a log is a good idea. It would show her that I have listened and may also, as you say, show her that what she feels is happening is not quite as brutal as it seems.

We have a parents' evening in about a month usually so I could raise the matter tactfully then if she continues to feel invisible.

thisisyesterday the teacher is very approachable and a lovely person in general. I feel I get on well with her.

Dd is quiet in class and well behaved and coping fine with the classwork so far so I can see how she would slip under the radar, especially since she is in a large class.

I don't want her to think she has to act up to get noticed though.

She has been sent to the head for doing really good pieces of work now that I think about it, so I will point that out to her in the morning. It would be a more positive way of getting attention.

Thank you for the reassurance.

i think waiting a month is a good idea, def remind her about the times she has been to see the head for her good work too.

This can be a difficult one - I have a DD with ADHD who gets loads of attention at school. All the teachers, TAs and dinner ladies seem to know her, and will do things like wave across the playground at her and chat more to her than they seem to to other children, she gets picked to do things, and I do sometimes wonder whether parents who are not aware of her problems think she is unfairly singled out and favoured. Of course, my meetings with SENCO tell a different story, but not many people know the full details of that.

I also have a DS who is the sort of child who completely falls under the radar - he is peace-loving, copes fine, both academically and socially, never gets into serious trouble. He doesn't get much attention, teachers seem to like him and say he is great to have in the class, but don't seem to notice him, he never seems to get picked for anything and has at times said he thinks it is unfair, and I often thinks he feels a bit invisible. There is only one school year between them, which doesn't help. I am at a bit of a loss to know what how to explain things to him, I tend to go for the 'lots of kids at school, you can't always get attention, your turn will come, etc.'

Thing is that overall the attention for DD for me is a bit of a constant reminder of how very difficult DD finds it just doing the 'normal' things, and of how she is different from the others, and how she will struggle more in life. But of course I can't tell DS this, even though in some ways he seems to understand it.

Try to emphasise to your DD the things like going to see the head for good work, that is a real achievement, and she should rightly be proud of herself. And I would bring up your concerns at parents evening in a tactful way if things don't improve - the teacher could not even be aware of it.

butterfly your situation sounds so similar to mine.

Ds has mental health problems and the school has had to make some changes and make a big effort to accommodate him. They are brilliant with him. Everyone knows him. They all look out for him etc. It is great that they do this but, yes, it is a reminder that he can't cope without it all.

I can see that Dd's lack of attention is really a sign that she is coping fine but SHE doesn't see it that way. I am turning the focus onto the times she has been given lots of attention for doing really well. Hopefully this will continue to encourage good behaviour. I will monitor how it goes for her and raise it carefully in a month if required.

I am sorry you are in the same boat but it also helps to know I am not alone with the vast difference between my dcs.