Dont Know if I should move DD to different school

[hatesemployer]

Could I please have opinions of this dilemma?

DD is in year 1. She lacks confidence at school and is rather shy (completely different at home!).

Her teacher who I like a lot and think she is a great teacher has dropped DD into her maths set because she said DD was becoming more withdrawn and there were a lot of strong personalities in the other set. She said DD is much more relaxed in her maths set. I agree that DD likes her and she brings out the best in DD.

However, DD is now doing work which is far too easy for her. Obviously as it is a lower set they are covering work that DD has already done. She therefore is not progressing at the moment.

When DD goes into year 2 I am concerned that she is unlikely to get a teacher as good as her current one therefore she will have to get used to being in sets with a variety of personalities. Surely this is inevitable so why the softly softly approach now?

My other DD has been through the school and she is very outgoing and confident. She had some teachers who I would not consider particularly good but because she was confident it did not matter. It would matter a great deal to younger DD.

I am not sure if we should move DD to a smaller primary school when she starts year 2. Her current school has four year group classes. Would it suit her better to be in a smaller school?

Any advise would be apreciated.

Join Brownies, or ballet class or some other class where you can watch your daughter's interaction with other children and work out if the problem is most likely your daughter or the school. Presumably when the children are working at maths exercises they're in a small group around a table. That's not likely to change no matter how many schools she goes to. If she's got a problem with working with other children around a table you'll probably need to look into solving that before you move her, otherwise you might just be moving the problem, whatever it is, with her from school to school.

Hi learnandsay,

She wont join any classes out of school. I have tried and she has had total meltdowns. She refused to have swimming lessons even though we were sat at the side of the pool while her sister had swimming lessons.
She absolutely loves dancing but refused to dance at the club I took her to.

Not sure what else can do.

Well, that might point to something to do with her problem. How does she get on at indoor playgrounds, bouncy castles and other situations where there are children she doesn't know. If she has anxiety issues you might want to talk to a specialist.

Hi,

She plays ok at playgrounds/bouncy castles etc. She used to be a little shy there but not any more.

She also participates at parties, for example pass the parcel, musical statues. A year or so ago she wouldnt.

She reminds me of myself when I was that age. Find it hard to understand why she is the way she is as her sister is the complete opposite.

It sounds as if she might benefit from some assertiveness training, role play, maybe drama etc. I would talk to the school see whether they have any small groups which look at these issues, some schools do.

I would be tempted to try that before the upheaval of changing schools. She might be like that partly because she is your daughter, also sometimes it seems as if one child is more outgoing, the other one fills a different role in the family, there isn't always room in a family for two really dominant, outgoing children, so the second one compromises and ends up being quieter, this may then become a self fullfilling role as now, although it may frustrate you, she is seen as 'the quiet one', and now behaves as such in line with her role.

This may all be at a subconscious level by all parties, if assertiveness interventions don't seem to work, then maybe some family therapy to explore the issues would help you manage it. I would be asking the school for more help in managing it rather than lowering their expectations of her.

Thank you 3dbunnies.

Good advice, will speak to school.

Have you tried taking her to any clubs that her big sister hasn't already done?