Parent's Evening - This isn't going to end well...

[Eggrules]

Parent's Evening/ Consultation is coming up and is the same day for the entire school.

Some parent's of children in my DS's Reception Class are incredibly competitive. Instead of holding the meeting in the classroom, this event is being held in the hall. Had some excellent first timers Reception Parent's evening advice from PastSellByDate.

Totally fed up. No good can come of this. Does anyone have any parent's evening stories to cheer me up?

Now ds is in year 3 I look back wistfully at competitive resception parenting. The only way I survive parents' evening is to not talk to anyone whilst I am waiting and then leg it to the car straight after. Still managed to get caught by one though who insisted on telling me what a perfect pupil their dc was.

After the rubbish spouted by ds's teacher at the last parents' evening I'm planning to give this term's a miss.

I love looking wt everyone's work on the wall- is that a bad thing? Have I been pissing off other parents for 11 years???????

seeker, children's work is put on the wall to display it. Some comparison is normal and unavoidable. A parent asking their child 'where is x's?' is a bit strange imho.

I dropped a clanger this morning. I walked up and said good morning. One of the mum's said 'do you think 10 mins is enough'? I responded by saying I didn't think it was because this was the first time we have spoken to the teaching staff and had any real feedback about progress. Cue tumbleweed moment.

We have the penultimate appointment and I know the schedule will be running late.

IMO ten minutes is more than enough, yet every parents evening appointments are always running behind due to parents going on and on and on about their child! If I were the teacher I would have a timer set up and as it rang I would shout "NEXT!" [evil]

OP I sympathise, we have a few parents like this in my child's class, thankfully they are widely scorned and disliked by the majority of parents who are sick of being interrogated or having their dc's questioned by these uber competitive parents.

I think as long as your child is making progress and is happy then that's all you need to know.

I have known schools where a bell has rung every ten minutes.
When my DS had learning difficulties I became school phobic for a while, so I know how you feel.
I have PE tonight, and had to break the news that although at their school children are welcome to attend, I want to go tonight without her (I want to discuss her behaviour issues, much easier last year when her teacher was a friend who knew I'm not a nut case).

The problem is that people seem to be assuming that Parents Evening is the only time you talk to the teacher. It isn't. Parents evening is where you get an allocated 10 minutes to run over the basics- which for many people is enough. If it isn't enough, or if you find the crowded, slightly frenetic atmosphere difficult, then ring the school office and make an appointment to chat to your child't teacher at another time. Simple.

I hadn't thought about my answer before I responded. I know he is happy and making progress and that IS all that matters. Thankfully, he has caught up with his peers however; I would like to go over the areas he had problems with.

The problem is that you can't speak to the teaching staff. The same parents block the door to the classroom so the children can't even get in. There is a minor issue I want to discuss. I have to make this ten minutes count.

boredandrestless I appreciate your sympathy and return mine. My DS has started talking about asking children over for tea. You can't choose their friends (I would like to though).

mummytime Good luck for tonight. I would take DS if I had to. I would rather talk to his teacher without him.

Seeker due to my working pattern, I would prefer to meet the teacher before or after pick up which isn't the best time.

Parent's Evening is our main contact with the school. I will make an appointment if I need to.

We have ours in the classroom, chairs in corridor where you sit till you are called in. You cannot hear what is being said.

List on the door of who is in at what time, clock on the desk so the teacher doesn't run over.

Given 3 objectives to work towards, so ds2 who is now in yr 1, was given in reception, to get some of his letters and numbers the right way round, improve presentation and something else.

Ours are 4pm - 7pm and the child comes too, it is actively encouraged. Ds1 who is in year 4 will choose his 3 objective goals, from a list of 3 or more.

Re inviting someone for tea, I was confused when I saw my friend in the playground for pick up as I knew her son was going to another child's house for tea, she came to collect his book bag from him. I asked her why and she told me that the mother of the other child looks through book bags to see what level the invited child is on

I volunteer in school, it is fine to look at the display boards, totally not fine to look through another child's folder I put up displays, depending on the size of the work we showcase everyone, or we showcase the best, the middle and the bottom, a nice broad spectrum of work.

Re the competitive Mums, laugh it off, seriously, lots of parents lie about how well their child is doing. If little Jacinta is in gifted and talented at 5 doesn't mean she won't wind up dropping out of school at 14 to go and drink and smoke by the local shops Concern yourself with whether your child is happy, and making progress.

Fizzylemonade The objectives sound like a great idea.

I am not surprised regarding the bookbag spy. I have suspicions that one mum is inviting the entire class one by one to do this.

I believe that most other parents concentrate on their own children. There are a few that are very interested in how others are doing or publicising how marvellous they are. I think the fact that my DS has caught up us causing a bit of of stir with a these parents. He is not gifted; he has settled into Reception and this makes me very happy. I think the fact that he was finding it all so hard has taken its toll. I was worried and upset and I would have found this competitive nonsense very hard. I should laugh it off.

Simpson I hope the set up is like you describe.

I once admitted on here to once looking in a visiting child's book bag. I was consumed with curiosity about whether he was incredibly advanced as his moth said he was and I couldn't resist. I have never been so flamed!

I was also flamed when I said that a child had left their bag at our house on a Friday night and I had automatically taken out the lunch box and washed it up so it wouldn't stay full of spilled yoghurt til Monday! Who knew school bags were such terribly, terribly private things!

seeker I wouldn't look in a bookbag/ folder but it would be hard to resist a book bag in those circumstances. I am curious as to whether the DS concerned was advanced or not .

I think washing another child's lunchbox is saintly and (very sensible).

We're going to parents evening tomorrow evening
DS is at preschool (3.6 yo) he's a late august baby and I dread him starting reception so young
I know he is behind his peers as he can't write any letters yet (whilst his friends of same age can write their own names apparently)
I just dread the fact that his teacher (or key person as they call her) is going to tell me he is just fine and he'll be OK at school. My heart sinks with worry but they just brush it off - they always do :(
So after parents evening I will probably feel just as worried but more of an idiot :( :(

Brian- it is VERY unusual for a 3 year old to be able to write their name. Most children start reception unable to write - you ds is NOT behind his peers. if the key worker says he'll be fine then he will be- why would they lie?

Eggrules- he was on the same reading level as my ds- which is, of course, what I wanted to know!

brian - the goal for entry to yr r is that kids will be able to recognise their own name in written form - so that they can find their peg

at 3.6 he isn't expected to be able to write his own name. the keyworkers aren't lying to you, lol. no need for dread!

Well I have seen with my own eyes the papers where 2 of his friends in our NCT group have written (probably with a little help, I don't know) their names. It seems it's the thing on the agenda at the moment....

DS does recognize his name though. And knows the alphabet. :)

Marking place - DD's first parents evening in half an hour

My son's school does parents evening in the classroom with the door shut with strictly enforced 10 min slots for yrs YR-Y2.

DS1 was way behind with his reading for parts of YR, Y1 and Y2 so you learn not to compete. He has now caught up and some of the early acheivers have slowed down a bit so things have evened out.

I am wary of living my life through my childrens' acheivements as I puts such a huge burden on them.

DS2 is in YR (aged 4.5 now) and as long as he is happy and coping then that is good. Quite frankly getting a level or two ahead on the Oxford Reading Tree aged 4.5 is probably not a predictor of GCSE results .

I'm just relieved that the teacher doesn't go "hmm DS2 yes he tried to shove a crayon up Jonny's nose yesterday..."

Well that was a big let down. So boring! They said how lovely DD was and that she's doing fine with literacy and numeracy. That was it.

I am a bit worried they couldn't find anything else to say, the previous parents were in for sodding ages a bit longer.

Oops I just realised that's comparing. Ah well they really seem to like DD so I'll just be glad there's no problems!

Fuzzpig - I would say, shorter the better

We spent every parent's evening in reception through to year 2 discussing DS1's internal meltdowns when things didn't go how he had planned. Thirty seconds on the fact that he was thriving academically, and then nine and a half mins on strategies to keep him calm and stop him collapsing.

To bs honest, my first question was always, how many meltdowns this term? Forget what reading level or maths set!

I am with sittinginthesun-DS (ASD and dyspraxia) parents evening a nightmare...spent all time discussing behavioural strategies and a nanosecond discussing academic achievements. With DD (currently in reception and NT-no idea where she is academically...seems ok)) I am going for the mysterious smug look with occasional "gifted...blah,blah blah...doing extended Year 4 work...blah, blah blah...never seen a child like her...blah blah". My OH and I thoroughly enjoy this game...cheers us up enormously...

oddgirl Not following you

Dd3's teacher was running 40 minutes late at ours. For reception kids I think that's quite an achievement.

Yes of course some parents look at other kids work. That's because some parents need to get a grip of themselves!

Brianthebrainsurgeon I think you said it all when you mentioned that it was the children within your NCT group that could write their names.

BrianTheBrainSurgeon my DS has a late November birthday. I was told last year that he was way behind in most areas according to EYFS competences ( or whatever they are called). I had the opposite problem in that he was one of the older children and therefore should be doing better. As his peers had attended nursery/preschool for up to two years I didn't believe this to be the case. They all wrote their name to sign in and he just couldn't. He is now half way through Reception and has caught up with his peers. Knowing his alphabet is great and he sounds well prepared for Reception to me. I hope they can put your mind at rest.

Seeker . Reading levels is a particular hotspot here.

Fuzzpig What an anticlimax. Not much to explain 6 months but all good news.Glad your DD is doing well.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude It is a marathon not a sprint. I wish the PE was behind closed doors; a letter today has confirmed it is in the hall.

Sittinginthesun you must have been so worried. Hope things are better now.

Oddgirl I like it. Maybe 'wow, can you believe DS is going straight from Reception to Year 2!'