Playground problems in reception

[LEMONADEGIRL]

My ds started reception in September. He started off really well didn't cry at all and was confident in talking and meeting other children. However since Christmas he comes home upset that people do not want to play with him and tell him to go away. It appears that a lot of the children tend to play in twos and he appears to be not wanted and it I really getting him down.

In the beginning I told him not to worry and to try Others etc. A couple of times in the night he woke having had bd dreams about people not wanting to play with him.

I went and spoke to his teacher who to my surprise told me he was really popular! So I felt a bit confused and spoke to him gently and explained what his teacher had said.

Since then he still comes home every other day saying no one likes him etc and again mentioned this to his teacher who said that again he is popular.

So what do I do? Do I ignore the stories my son is coming one with or do I speak to his teacher yet again?

Any advice would be most helpful

Even if the teacher is right then thre is a self-esteem issue perhaps?

But he may be popular and yet also have been told to go away several times IYSWIM.

Last week one little girl came out and up to me and told me about the wonderful game she's been playing at lunch time with my ds. "All lunchtime" according to her. (reception age)

In the evening I asked him what he'd done at lunchtime and he said "X (another child) wouldn't let me play". When I queried further he then talked about the game he'd played with the other girl. But if I hadn't known about it, and to ask further then I'd have had the impression similar to you.
Could this be what's happening?

Alternatively it could be that the class is very paired up, and he isn't in any particular pair, but will happily play with any, hence appearing really popular.

Join cubscouts or some other activity where you can watch your son interacting with other children and then you can form your own opinions on how well he interacts, makes friends and so on. Part of your problem is you're having to reply on other people's assessments including your son's. So go somewhere where you can form your own.

Thank you both for you replies.

My ds can be quite sensitive so may have self esteem issues though I am always telling him lovely he is etc

I would like to think that my ds is focusing on the negative " no's" and is in fact actually playing with other children.

It breaks my heart to hear him tell how he walked around playing I spy on his own and or stood with one of the playground assistants.

He was really close to one little boy but this child has been encouraged to interact with others as he wouldn't when he first started reception and now my ds tells me that he now goes off and tells him he cant play with him.

My dd saves up any moment of difficulty she has during the day and tells me all about them as soon as she comes out of school. She was the same at nursery. I read somewhere that it is a sign of good attachment - they cope well with difficult feelings at the time and then cry on mum later.

So dd can have a great day according to the teacher, but will want to tell me all about the two times she banged her finger and the one cross word she had with a friend.

I don't know if that might be what your ds is doing? I would just keep chatting to him. I might mention to the teacher that the other child thinks he can't play with your ds though - I can imagine just that sort of scenario occurring with dd (who is very literal).

It might be harder to do with just one, but when I pick up my girls I often ask them who had the best / most interesting/ more exciting day. They then compete to tell me how wonderful their day was. Some of my friends have started doing it too, and they are getting much more out of them about what they did in the day. Maybe you could say 'I bet I had more fun today because I did x'. I know that it important to acknowledge the hard stuff too, but sometimes it helps them to focus on the positives as well.