Fed up of DD's teacher

[Heswall]

She just seems to do nothing but upset my child, no matter how well meaning she might be.
Example today at pick up time another child was horrible to DD, called her a nasty name, this teacher promised she would deal with it in the morning. As we are leaving this kid sees DD and is giving her filthy looks DD called her on it and then the child went running to the teacher absolute floods of tears.
Next thing I see is this child being hugged by the teacher, having given her a pack of lies.
What message does that send to my child, you can be called names, if you stick for yourself you do not matter in comparision to somebody turning on the water works.
I want to complain but it seems a massive over reaction to go to the head with, but this isn't the first time other kids have gotten off scotch free after either physically or verbally abusing my child.

You have no idea what the other child said to the teacher.
You have no idea why the teacher was hugging the other child.
You are making assumptions.

By all means go and speak to the teacher. I definitely don't think this is a matter which warrants going to the headteache, unless there is more to this than you're saying.

How old are the children?

The other child is hardly likely to have run up to the teacher saying, "do you know what? I've been really mean to a lot of other children lately. Yup, I've been a real cow."

You don't need to be Miss Marple to figure that much.

I won't be going to the head but this teacher just seems really easily swayed by a few tears and of course the girls are playing to it.
I'm a little peeved that she who sobs loudest gets away with the most, it's not a good message is it ?

How do you know what the other child said to the teacher?

When confronted with a crying (and therefore probably incoherent) child, surely the first thing any humane person does is stem the tears?

Your DD also needs to learn that two wrongs don't make a right. Whatever happened before, her reducing a classmates to tears isn't going to help one tiny bit.

There are 2 sides to every story.From the other girls POV she could say I was doing 'nothing' but little miss heswall was mean to me because she said I looked at her funny!

How old?

The girl was not in tears when she walked away from DD she saved all those up for the teacher.

And yes miss heswall said to her why are you giving me funny looks haven't you done enough today calling me names. Little brat isn't she ?

They are 10.

This just comes on the back of my daughter having her head slammed into a bench the week before half term as part of a game, said the tearful bully, the week before something else happened in PE and when called to account the tears started flowing, clearly these girls have smelt weakness and are getting away with what ever they like.

I'm not going to get all worked out it, I was a bit yesterday but there had better not be any more of this because the tears won't work on me and I know their mothers telephone numbers.

Ah, well, why are you asking us if you can just make a phone call to the other child's mother & sort it out that way?

I'm asking not anything of the sort if I wanted to tackle to childs mother I would. I prefer the teachers to deal with these things as they are meant to at the time and fairly.

You didn't mention the head-slamming incident in your op, if that's true you do need to speak to the teacher about it, absolutley. That's a bit more serious than 10 yo tittle tattle, he-said-she-said.

I have boys so no first hand experience of 10 yo girls but have dn in y5 so similar age as your dd. My sister said all this sort of thing started tail end of y4 and became more prevailant in y5, they're all friends one minute, crying to the teacher the next - the 'what are you looking at' type comments started with a vengeance. Slamming heads into benches though - that's different.

I didn't bring that up and haven't gone to the teachers because DD responded by punching the girl in the middle so felt that had been 6 of one and half a dozen of the other, but just mentioned it as an example of how it's ongoing.
I think you are right it's their age but a teacher who's been given this group to manage I do feel ought to be more impartial and less easily swayed.

sadly even some experienced teachers don't get that some children (usually) girls can turn on the waterworks at will.They believe if a child is crying it must be genuinely upset.

I don't actually doubt that she is genuinely upset - at being called on her behaviour, my DD would be too, but that doesn't take away from the fact that she's been naughty and needs telling off IMO.

I would go and see the teacher about how all parties can resolve the issues that are happening before they get worse. Girls at that age can get very devious and yes use what's available to their benefit, a teacher has to work with what they see and are told and sometimes trying to get the full truth can be a nightmare. You seem to be assuming that just because the teacher comforted the girl crying she was on her side and believed everything she said. I think the key thing is did she follow it up today as she said she would? If not why not? What is she going to do about the tension between the girls?

They both got sent to the head
DD was made to apologise to the other girl over the misunderstanding
Both made to shake hands and move on.
On the one hand I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, but this is pretty poor isn't it ?

Hmmm. If you really want my honest opinion op, now we've got more facts? Seems school are dealing with it, it sounds a bit 50/50 blamewise - I would let it lie now. Tell dd you are there if she wants to talk about any other issues with this girl, but I think she will drag it along if you do.

I am glad that DD got her two penth worth in tbh because i suspect this would have been the outcome whether she had or not.
Whilst in the heads office other girl cried again, she's obviously scarred for life by being challenged about her attitude.

Sounds like your dd is not totally without blame. Girls at this age can be awful little madams and to be honest you appear to e encouraging this.

The other girl is new.

But that is not the case with the one that slammed DD's head into the bench.
I honestly think the teacher is just weak.
As for encouraging this nonsense, I am cross that DD cannot go to the teacher and expect to be treated fairly, it certainly wasn't 50/50 until we got the "looks" and I don't think DD was wrong to call her on it.