I can't help compare my dc

[longlongway]

My ds, who is now in year 2, found learning to read, phonics, numeracy etc easy. It seems that things come pretty easily to him and he only needs to be told once before he learns something. DD is now in year R and we have been told she is doing well. If she was my first born i am sure i would be more than happy with her progress at school. However, when i look back on what my ds was doing now he was definately further on. I feel very guilty but i feel a little frustrated with dd for not getting things first time like ds. I have to snap out of this. Dd is also 6 months younger in the year than ds so i know he had the advantage there.

Relax. 6 months is a huge difference at this age, and if you must compare your DC at least do it month-on-month by age rather than by school curriculum.

Thanks for the reply Bonsoir. I got caught up with worrying this half term when she had to do the same homework as my ds had done in reception and realised how much he knew then. I tend not to talk about this with other parents in RL, so ds is my only comparison which i know is totally wrong of me.

Your reply has really reassured me CustardCake. DD adores school and is much more drawn to doing painting etc. than ds was (more into writing and numbers from the start), and i am really pleased she has a really positive view of school. I really need to relax and let her enjoy reception year.

longlongway:

First - I think it only natural that you compare. All things being equal they should be fairly similar - the interesting bit is that they aren't. Everyone is different.

Second - if your DD is six months younger that your DS was in Class R that's a huge difference in terms of age/ social skills/ ability at 4 - which you recognise but need to allow.

Third - the fact that your DD is enjoying school, right now for 1/2 way through Class R is the really important thing. The rest will come in good time, all being well.

Fourth - and this is an advantage - is you know the ropes now. You know the kind of work that is possible each year, because you have been there with your DS - so you can catch those stumbling blocks as they come and help to move learning forward when things are tricky.

I had the situation in reverse. DD1 didn't get things and was a 'slow starter' - which has meant that I've had to get very involved. DD2 like your DS picks up things very quickly and is doing very well all through KS1; whereas DD1 really struggled. So the difficulty for you is the struggling bit is new - but you understand the type of work your DS did and can also ask your DS to explain things if you're not quite clear. The two of you can work together to help your DD along.

I have a ds 11 y.o. and a dd 9 y.o.

Ds has always sailed through education and has enjoyed showing what he knows.

Dd is just as clever, but does not show what she knows unless she wants to - this is usually when it actually matters e.g. in Yr2 SATs she achieved 3c's across the board.

However, dd's teachers were not expecting her to do so well because she just didn't show it in class.

Maybe with your youngest it is a case of needing to mature and realise that school is the time when she should 'perform' and 'show-off'

I have 3 kids, 2 are twins. It's really hard not to compare. I think the point is what you do with the comparisons. At worse, it can lead to favouritism. At best it can highlight strengths. Ds1 is very artistic. I guess I just thought all kids love drawing and playdough and art, but ds2 who is 3 yrs younger really doesn't. Ds2 is much 'cleverer' (quick learner), but also less sensitive. It's just all different strengths/ weaknesses. It's hard in school environment, especially these early days where it's hard to 'shine' unless you're good at phonics and maths and holding a pencil! But later on, all your dd's strengths will come into their own.

(I always say - to myself - ds1 will make a good husband and ds2 will make a lot of money!). What's more important? Some of your dd's strengths may not even be 'academic', but it doesn't mean it's not a strength.

I am so glad that i posted this message. Thank you for all the really helpful replies. You have really helped me to put this into perspective.