Striking the right balance between after school sports, play dates and free days ?

[3point14]

I was keen for my daughter to experience a wide range of activities and then pick what she wants to concentrate on but I'm concerned that she likes all activities too much and wants to keep them all up and this is perhaps limiting the opportunities she has for play dates with other children. She currently goes swimming, takes both ballet and dance classes and recently added gymnastics though Wednesdays and the weekends are free.

She'd a young reception child (July) and bi lingual. She has a lot of confidence and though young, she would often rather lead than follow.

We'd skip classes for dates with other kids without a worry but I sometimes think we should be more pro active in setting up additional opportunities for her to mix socially with her classmates.

Did you ever worry about this or am I over analysing a non issue ?

I would say, only have "play dates" (I hate that phrase, it so sounds like forcing children to be friends when they are really not ) very occasionally and only with special friends.It's not necessary to be friendly with the whole class.

If she's enjoying all her after school activities, keep going with that until she gets fed up with something.

Wouldn't you say she is getting enough social mixing by actually being at school and with all the other activities? There is nothing wrong with just coming home from school to be yourself,with nothing planned.

Depends what she wants. I have a friend whose daughter was very keen on clubs from reception - swimming, dance, gym, horse riding etc. She never had time for playdates, and it worked well for her.

Playdates drop off later anyway. By year 3, my eldest hardly has any, as he is too busy, and meets his friends at clubs.

I would just make sure that you build in some free home time, just to play.

My DD1 was like yours and fast forward a couple of years the issue has got much worse! She does lots of clubs and they are all getting more serious now.

I ask her regularly whether she wants to drop something but she always says she doesn't and is quite adamant on that front. She also doesn't organise playdates, or ask me for playdates, despite being quite a bit older than your daughter. I do however organise some for her in spurts as I think it is nice for friends to come over and see her family and her home.

I would say that the majority of people do not have loads and loads of playdates as they either have work commitments or busy afterschool schedules often involving other children too so whatever you can do will be fine!

I think you've hit it on the head that these play dates (I also hate that term) are a new thing to me and like a good breakfast, I'm worried that she is not getting enough of them :)

I do take the point about her having a whole week of interaction and socialising at school and they do have significant breaks three times a day, though of course I cannot see how they interact.

She does like parties but is also quite happy without a special friend. When I was a child we were never indoors but these days we all think the bogey man is around every corner; yet we cannot wrap them up in cotton wool.

I'm undertaking a cellar conversion which will be for her basically, a den come second living room come cinema room so perhaps she'll want to invite more people back then. Or not !

My DD does activities 3 nights after school and Saturday morning. She is now yr 1 and doesn't want to stop anything.

One arrangement that worked really well was to take DD's friend to Rainbows with us - so i'd collect them both from school, they had a play and some tea then we walked to Rainbows. Then the mum (who worked full time) collected her DD from Rainbows.

My DD sometimes has a schoolfriend (another only child) over to play on a sunday pm which also works.

Think alot depends on the culture of the school. Afterschool plays are not common at DD's school as most mums work and most children do alot of activities.

Also your DD will make friends at her activities.

Good points. A couple of other parents expressed an interest in joining forces with the children attending the same events but at the crucial time there was a distinct lack of real interest or perhaps motivation.

I'm sure if she perseveres she will make friends with those who share her activities as well, which is a good balance I feel.

We invite other families for meals and our children do some non-school classes with their friends.

I think it depends on what your daughter wants. My younger DD has quite a lot on but likes to have at least one day off after school per week so that she can have a friend over, go to a friends or spend time at home doing art/craft. I think she would be unhappy if she didn't have this day off, though she would probably prefer two.

I am envious. We rarely do play dates and the kids are limited to one club each a week. I work and after school they go to our childminders. I'd really like to have friends over a little more and also just let them mess around at home more by themselves. At the moment it's home, homework, bath & bed, and no time for anything else. May try inviting a friend over at week-ends. The childminder is lovely by the way and they are both very at home and comfortable there. She's a good cook too.

Can I ask what it is your children are doing after school?

DD1 is 4yo and still in nursery till Sept. this year. I am keen for her to join rainbows as I fond memories of brownies, what other activities might she enjoy?

I have recently encouraged dd2 (6) to give up some of her activities as I felt it was becoming too much. Monday after school was free, but apart from that she was was busy every night with art club, ballet, drama and gymnastics. Now the gymnastics club want her to do an extra session so we have agreed that she will drop the art club and ballet to allow us all a bit more free time at home.

I'm sort of in the same boat as you - DD started reception last Sept and has had a few play dates since then, but really she does more clubs and sports after school. Trampolining, swimming, ballet during the week, and a couple of others at weekends.

I arrange playdates once a fortnight as I've found they are the best way for her to make "proper" friends at school. I also, like another poster, take a friend of DD's along to one of the sessions anyway. Weekend things are different, as these are far more social and we often have families over anyway.

I find playdates after school aren't always successful, as they are too tired to play. The structure of a sports session allows interaction without getting to the overtired and teary stage that happens at home. Now it is halfterm, we have lots of lovely things and activities planned with friends during the day when they won't all be too tired.