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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Reception friendships!

12 replies

Smokedsalmonbagel · 07/02/2012 20:15

Just wanted to see if this is normal or not. DS started school in September, he is nearly 5.

To start with at school he was playing with the same few friends but now he seems to be playing with lots of different children. He sometimes comes home saying so and so didn't want to play with me or so and so doesn't want to come to my party.

Is this how friendship goes in reception? When do they start forming real friends of their own?

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dustyhousewithdustypeople · 07/02/2012 20:21

They do seem to change who they're friends with quite often. I've stopped trying to keep up.

wedoNOTdothat · 07/02/2012 20:21

It's very normal! My dd is in reception and exactly the same has happened, friendships seem to completely dominate their experience of reception.

I say it's normal as I used to work in a nursery and the 3 and 4 year olds were the same. If anything went wrong the cry went up...."you're not coming to my party!"

Friendship groups are very flexible at this age, they're still so young. I'm quite pleased my dd is playing with lots of different children rather than limiting herself to a small group of children.

Is he unhappy about it?

Original poster

Smokedsalmonbagel · 07/02/2012 20:28

Thanks!

He seems OK about it. Although the other day he said he went and sat on his own as someone didn't want to play with him. He said he felt a bit sad. The last day or so he has been fine.

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redskyatnight · 07/02/2012 20:38

DD is in Y1 but today she came home and told me this (vague gist anyway)

At lunchtime A and B decided to break up from being best friends. I was really sad so I did a silly dance to try to make them be friends again but C said my dance was too silly so I told her I didn't want to be her friend any more but then she got really sad and D said she would be her new friend which is really not good because D doesn't actually really play with C but normally plays with E and F who can't be friends with C either because she used to be friends with G and H and any more friends would be too many. So then I had to go and play with J and she said I could be friends with her and she would ask K to be my friend too so I had to play with J and K and I couldn't cheer up A and B any more. But then later when we were doing colouring I asked if they were friends again and they said they thought they might be tomorrow. So that was good.

MerryMarigold · 08/02/2012 22:00

I think it depends on the child. My ds1 played with lots of kids, but only really LOVED one, and it broke his heart when this kid got bored of him. He had a hideous Reception Yr and most of it was about friendships. They constantly use the "You're invited to my party in 11months time" and "You're not coming to my party", which is very trying. It's a way of saying they like you or don't, and also that thing where you flap your thumb and down and say 'stop' if the thumb is pointing down then you are not friends . I'd say if he has lots of friends then that's great, but if he's appearing stressed in any way then it's more of an issue.

monstermissy · 08/02/2012 22:03

my ds is in reception and they all seem to use the 'you cant come to my party' as a massive put down lol Partys have lots of power in reception. Sounds pretty normal to me.

PlumSykes · 08/02/2012 22:08

Dd has just started with the party line. To me. I AM your party, FFS.

Is normal to chop and change, but if he seems sad about it, talk to his teacher. They will prob help out by getting someone to keep an eye on him at play time, help him find someone to play with etc.

LemonMousse · 08/02/2012 22:08

@ redsky's DD

Pleased it worked out alright in the end I think?

owlelf · 08/02/2012 22:12

Gah!! The party threats are a horrible part of reception.

DS is in reception and I volunteer in his classroom once a week so I have seen all this in action.

During the first term the children (in general) were all getting to know each other and began to form friendship groups. Things seem to have intensified more this term and there are more fallings out and friendship troubles. It's heartbreaking at times but I do think it is part of learning about friendships and developing social skills. Disclaimer: I am absolutely not condoning bullying or nastiness- I just think that learning how to handle the ups and downs of friendships is part of growing up.

AllDirections · 08/02/2012 22:27

They say 'you can't come to my party' even when they're not having a bloody party. I don't think it means that the child doesn't like your dc, it's just something they say when something doesn't go their way, e.g. when your child picked up the not very important pink pencil just when the other child needed wanted it.

MerryMarigold · 08/02/2012 22:29

Oh yes, I wasn't invited ds1's party either 'because I am a girl and there are no girls allowed'. I said fine, then there would be no cake or party games, but have a nice party! He changed his mind pretty rapido.

Haberdashery · 08/02/2012 22:58

I AM your party, FFS.

Haha! This made me laugh a lot!

DD is in Reception and having a similarly difficult time. To be honest, with her it's mainly because she can't seem to identify very well the children she actually gets on with. So for instance she's desperate to be friends with A and A is desperate to be friends with DD, but A only likes playing tag and football and DD only likes drawing and chatting. So we invite A over to play and lo and behold they both have a simply crappy time. And yet they want to do it again and again and again. WHY? Why can't she invite B over, who seems to be a quiet little girl who is interested in painting and other sedentary activities? At least they could both do the same thing at the same time and both enjoy it instead of both whining at me that the other isn't doing what they want.

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