Help, really confused!

[Lucaslovesfelicity]

Hi all

Just after some advice really. My son moved into reception class last September and since starting, I have had no end of issues with him.

Before starting school, he attended both a private and school nursery, and I recieved lots of positive feedback about him i.e. good behaviour, caring, above average with number and letter recognition etc. He seemed to be getting on so well.
My son struggled to settle in to school life at first, due to him not being with many of his friends he knew from nursery (there are 3 reception classes). Only 1 child he played with was in his class but I thought that was good because it would give him the opportunity to make new friends. However, what I soon realised was that many of the friendships had already been established and my DS was often left on his own (or so he says).

Anyway to cut a long story short, he soon hooked up with this little boy who has got quite a reputation for having behaviour issues i.e. swearing, punching, spitting ect and I have noticed a real change in my son. I am not saying he is an angel but the stuff he is coming out with and his behaviour is shocking! When he first started the boy told him (he is 5 by the way) that my son was stupid for liking Dinosaurs and was a f* head. I confronted the teacher and he said he would keep an eye on things but I dont feel confident that things are being done. Also back in October, the teacher said that he really struggled with much of the class work (which suprised me) and got distracted very easily. I am now finding out from sthe teacher (after much nagging on my part) that he again is falling further and further behind and today he was sent to the head along with this other boyfor bad behaviour.

I may be able to get my son switched into one of the other classes with his nursery friends but to be honest, I wasn't 100% happy with the choice of school to start of with. It does well (outstanding Ofsted report) but was my husbands choice and I backed down. So now I am considering moving him to our local C of E school, which is near to the church we attend. What do you think. Is this a valid reason for moving a child and am I actually likely to get my child into a school that is 2 mile away from us???? He has been baptised but is obviously out of catchment. Sorry for waffling

If the school you want is not full then they will take him if you ask. If they are full, they may well have a waiting list, which is often based on distance. They should be able to tell you what position on the waiting list you are. Difficult question as to whether you should move. I wouldn't move because of one child if I was happy with the school in every other way, however in your case this doesn't seem to be true. If you have other concerns about the school, then maybe consider your options...

Thanks Run.. It is a tricky one. My head is telling me exactly that...one child should not be the reason for moving my DS. Call it gut instinct, but there is something that is just not right about the school for me. I am trying not to think too much about my own feelings/issues, more what is best for my DS but it is difficult

Before moving you do need to consider that the school will always be more than 2 miles away, unless you move, on snowy days, days when the car is in garage, days when one child is in football practise and the other finishes on time. That said I would ask for a meeting about your son, highlight that he seems unhappy, his behaviour and work are suffering and ask them for a plan of action. You could ask for him to move classes, but they might refuse. I guess that their response to that request will help you decide whether to stay or go. Also remember that at that age friendships can still be rather fickle, and over time it may be possible to negotiate him away from the boy. We had a year of an on-off friendship with a very possessive, jealous girl, until with much discussion and support about what friends should really be like and how to manage situations, we have drifted away, and dd now doesn't play with her.

You need to help your son see though how the friendship is having a -ve effect on his life, e.g. Having to go to HT, how other children might feel etc, plus positive rewards if he has had a trouble free day at school. I have heard of asking teacher to give a sign to you at home time, thumbs up, thumbs sideward or thumbs down as an indication of his behaviour so you don't have to constantly be asking. Do consider your gut reaction, but also see what you can do with the school, they will probably appreciate some parental support over their behavioural management too.

Thanks 3 bunnies :) The travel issue is something I am considering, as is the potential childcare issues for my other child (toddler). Everything seems in such a mess at the moment:( I am a teacher myself and I know that running away from the situation is not the answer. I think the problem is, that I don't find the staff in the school approachable and that my son has already recieved a negative label :( I have not recieved one positive comment about my son since he left nursery and that really, really upsets me.