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Primary education

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Original poster

DD (10) gave out her party invitations today and six of her friends have said they won't be coming because she has invited a particular girl

29 replies

sandyballs · 06/02/2012 16:10

Sad. The girl in question has special needs, there have been problems in the past with aggression and possessiveness but it has been a lot better in Year 6. I am very friendly with the girls mother and DD told me she wanted to invite her which I was pleased about.

I'm pissed off now that six of her closest friends have said they won't be going, just because this girl has also been invited. It's a big party, so its very 'diluted' if you see what I mean, not as if it's a few friends for a pizza or round to the house.

Why are girls so bloody horrible. DD is sad about it but has told her friends that is up to them, this girl will still be going. I'm proud of her but annoyed they have put her in this position.

Some mates they are! DD is better off without them.

OP posts:
LadySybilDeChocolate · 06/02/2012 16:11

Your DD sounds lovely. Smile Her 'friends' should be ashamed of themselves though.

LIZS · 06/02/2012 16:12

Don't you just love 10yo girls - NOT Angry Can you speak direct to their mothers if it is only the girls' word so far?

LindyHemming · 06/02/2012 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurplePidjin · 06/02/2012 16:16

Would the teacher put a rocket up their backsides have a word with the class about friendship and inclusion if you mentioned it?

It's not just your daughter they'll be talking about this to, it'll be all round the playground and could rapidly escalate Sad

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 06/02/2012 16:18

Well done to your dd. Shame on those horrid little madams. Yes, I agree have a word with their parents.
Some kids are foul.

Original poster
sandyballs · 06/02/2012 16:25

DD said the girl was thrilled when she was given the invite, she never goes to any school parties, so she was over the moon. To think she's going to listen to shite like this in the playground though Sad, she's going to hear it isn't she. If not directly, then indirectly.

Maybe I will mention it to the mums, I know most of them. Not sure about the teacher though, that might embarrass DD. I'll think about it.

Thanks for replies.

OP posts:
Sticklebug · 06/02/2012 16:39

We had a similar situation in year 4. DD invited a girl in her class that she sits next too and gets on well with, but does not play with her at playtime. The child is the youngest of 12 and does not always have the cleanest clothes and often has pretty bad head lice. But DD said that she likes her and wanted to invite her to party. It was all the girls in the class to an iceskating party, so this girl would have been the only one not invited (as she often is to others parties).

As soon as the invites were handed out, the girl in question was so pleased to be invited that she gave DD a big hug and said that she would love to come. DD had a number of girls saying that they did not think that she should of invited this girl because she was 'smelly', but DD stuck to her guns and said that all 15 girls in the class were invited. What was worse was that I had 3 phone calls in the next few days from mums of girls in the class to ensure that I knew all about this child's home circumstances to make sure that I knew what I was doing by inviting her!!

She came to the party - beautifully dressed - and had a great time. Not sure that it made much difference in class though as she has not been invited to any other parties.

I still struggle with the mums who rang me that week and it shows where the girls got their views from...

mrsscoob · 06/02/2012 16:50

You and your daughter both sound lovely. Let us know if you do decide to speak to the parents and what they say. I hope it all works out ok.

exoticfruits · 06/02/2012 16:59

You should be very proud of your DD. Smile
If I knew any of the other mothers I would just have a word and say 'I was really surprised that x said she wasn't coming to my DD's party' and pause to see what response you get-I would expect it is the first the mother has heard of it.

SausageSmuggler · 06/02/2012 17:00

Oh bless your DD, she sounds lovely. Agree though girls can be bloody horrible, I'm currently pregnant with a girl and am already dreading the playground nastiness.

SarahSlaughter · 06/02/2012 17:03

Wow Sandy your DD rocks. Good for her.

sue52 · 06/02/2012 17:03

sandyballs and Sticklebug you have DDs to be proud of. I think if I were you I would have a word with the Mothers. They might not realise how nasty their DDs are being.

Original poster
sandyballs · 06/02/2012 17:11

I would want to know if one of my children was behaving like this so maybe I will mention it.

DD has just said to me 'Mum I don't really care if they don't come, we'll all get more time on the inflatables if there are less of us (swimming party), and more cake' Grin.

Sticklebug that is absolutely shocking that three mothers rang you, what is wrong with some people FFS.

OP posts:
Sticklebug · 06/02/2012 19:44

I was shocked - they rang as if they were doing me a favour and seemed quite put out when I said I knew exactly which child this girl was and yes we did intend to invite her. They seemed to assume that I had not met her and we had made a mistake!!

All the girls came in the end though and there was no nastiness at the party.

I was v proud of DD, and she continues a year and a half on to remain outside of the majority of the girly bitchiness - only getting involved when it is directed at a close friend....

Boys are so much easier!!

rabbitstew · 06/02/2012 20:02

How nasty, manipulative and bitchy. Ten years old is plenty old enough to understand how cruel that is. I could never feel the same way again about "friends" who behaved like that.

Grumpla · 06/02/2012 20:08

Wow. I'm so impressed by your daughter. Not sure what else you can do bar casually mentioning it to the other parents, in the hope they can talk some sense into their idiot daughters (although chances of success probably limited - they've probably inherited their narrow minds) but in the meantime I think you should be very proud.

Original poster
sandyballs · 07/02/2012 08:35

One of the girls involved has just knocked for DD. I said to her 'I hear you don't want to go to the party, can you explain to your mum why that is and get her to ring me please'. She looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights and said 'I do want to go, I do, it's some others that don't'.

We then went on to have a little chat about the other girl they are being so nasty about and how they should quit the nasty talk and try and a be a bit understanding, plus the fact that it's DDs party and she can invite who she bloody likes Angry.

Roll on secondary school when this little group will go their separate ways.

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 07/02/2012 08:42

Wow, I'm impressed Smile By your last post, I mean!

Shame you can't corner all the girls like that!

Original poster
sandyballs · 07/02/2012 08:50

I'm not usually a confrontational sort but this has pissed me off. DD was mortified!

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiiLand · 07/02/2012 08:57

Good on your daughter for sticking to her guns.

This reminds me that the worst, hair pulling time of parenthood was when dd was in Year 6. |The friendship group shenanigans were a nightmare. As a teen it has been a breeze in comparison.

Roll on secondary school indeed.

SillyStrokeSensibleMum · 07/02/2012 09:07

Good for you, OP. And what a lovely, considerate girl your DD is. You must be v proud Smile

Sticklebug that is so upsetting. It's bad enough that girls can be mean and spiteful, but for the parents to actively encourage that behaviour is shocking Sad. How can adults justify that attitude and behaviour?? I despair of people sometimes Angry. It sounds like you have a wonderful DD Smile

Amaretti · 07/02/2012 09:10

I bet it's all talk and they'll turn up in the end, the little horrors.

shesparkles · 07/02/2012 09:15

So glad you spoke to the little madam when she called for yours OP. We got off lightly with my dd's friends when she was that age (well there was 1 but it was manageable) but when I hear about what some of my niece's (age 9) friends are like, you just want to take some of them by the throat!

3monkeys · 07/02/2012 16:11

My DD is 10 and in year 5 and the friendship goings on are terrible. She doesn't seem to have many friends left at all and the party invites etc have really dried up. Wish she was changing school this year to have a change of scene

Eveiebaby · 07/02/2012 22:33

Your DD sounds lovely - really kind - I hope she enjoys her party