Can I just ring up and ask if they have any worries?

[WordsAreNoUseAtAll]

I'm a bit worried about 4 yo DD showing signs of aspergers or dyspraxia or something. I don't really want to ask the teacher in front of her, but is it ok to ring the school and leave a message for her to call me back? DD goes to the ILs for an hour or so after school (they pick her up as they live nearby and I don't) so I could talk then. Or is that ridiculous from the point of view of the teacher? We're taking her (DD, not the teacher) to the school nurse about toileting on wednesday anyway, and I might ask for a referral of some kind, but I need to know what she is like at school.

If I do get to talk to the teacher, should I ask her outright, or should I just ask if DD seems to have any problems other than toileting?

Make an appointment to speak to the SENCO. She'll know more then the class teacher and she'll speak to her (class teacher) to see if there are any issues. The SENCO will be the best person to be honest. Just say that you've noticed X,Y and Z at home and you're wondering whether anything in her behaviour has been flagged up at school.

Best of luck.

I would speak to the teacher first as she knows your Dd in the first place. It would be useful to speak to the Senco too ( perhaps after your initial talk with th teacher) but she may not know your child. If you want to know how Dd is in class, the teacher will know. No doubt after you go in, the teacher will speak to Senco if she's concerned and may then organise a meeting for the three of you.
And yes, be honest about your concerns when you see the teacher and ask her how dd is in school.

I would speak to the teacher :)

the SENCO wont know your DD as well as the teacher.

I would not ask if she thinks she has ASD, because there's no guarantee the teacher knows what the signs are.

I'd say I had concerns about her. At home she does X,Y and Z. Does she do that at school? Does she do anything else odd at school?

Then I'd go to my GP, and say these are my concerns, these are schools concerns and can you please refer her to a child dvelopment paed.

Be prepared for school to have noticed nothing. Not because she doesn't display ASD traits, but just because the teacher thinks it's all normal behaviour.

Teachers don't actually know what's normal and what isn't. It's not something they're taught in teacher training.

My DS2 has just been diagnosed with dyspraxia in Y3. I asked his Y1 teacher, Y2 teacher, Y3 teacher and infant SENCO if they thought he had any problems. And they all said no. Even though I was clear I thought he had problems.

They just don't know what to look for.

Well, I have rung school and left a message for someone from the class (either the teacher or TA) to call me back, about her toileting and if they think there are any other concerns. So, should I make a bullet list? What should I put?

Oh, namechanger btw. I posted the "what is just odd" thread a few days ago.

Off the top of my head:

• able to write neatly
• able to use scissors
• able to sit up
• able to sit still
• does she ever make noises when she should be quiet.
• does she have friends
• is she popular
• does she get upset a lot
• does she understand personal space
• is she disruptive in class
• does she understand adults and children are different.
• does she have difficulties with change.

I think I would add:

Does she follow instructions
Does she understand the tasks she is given or does she always require a little bit of extra help
Does she offer answers in class

Definitely talk it through with the teacher. Good teachers are relieved to deal with parents who accept their dc may have a problem ime.

Well I spoke to the teacher, she was lovely. She said that DD is very able at reading - she has to be in her own group for guided reading, and the teacher is having to assess her reading level again with a harder test :-)

Apart from that though, she says that dd wets when she is really involved in something, which in itself isn't too alarming. She doesn't seem to realise that she is wet, though, which is unusual.

She said DD is a loner with no special friends, but within the range of normal for reception. They are trying to 'set her up' with another little girl who is also a loner and to call her over when groups of children are playing. Apparently DD plays at making dens by herself quite a lot of the time, but seems content doing that.

One thing they are doing to try and get her talking to the other children is asking her to read stories to them, which she likes doing.

She said she has no specific concerns, but will keep an eye out and let me know. A lot of DDs quirks could just be being a clever four year old - all four year olds are a little bit odd apparently :-)

All in all, I couldn't ask for a better attitude from the teacher. Here's hoping things go as well with the school nurse!

Good to hear - you must be feeling a lot better now!

Glad you are reassured and that the teacher was supportive. Good luck with the nurse.