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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Should I be annoyed at school gate politics or school?

72 replies

Eggrules · 05/02/2012 10:13

Or neither?

DS came out with a certificate on Friday and was very excited. He has no idea what the award is for other than literacy. A few parents have contacted me by fb/ text over the weekend to ask about it . I have had very limited contact with all but one of them. They have my contact details from a DS's party or must have searched fb for me. A few were very pushy and fishing for details which I have shrugged off. One lovely mum has said he has was given an award with Y1 and 2 children. I presume it was for a one off piece of work.

My DS really struggled in nursery but has settled into Reception really well (thank goodness). Normally the teaching staff mention beforehand that a certificate is being given out so that you can go to Assembly to see it being presented. School are normally very good about mentioning things. I will ask tomorrow to see what all the fuss is about. Probably a storm in a teacup.

School is a big secret as far as DS is concerned; IMO, I am happy with his progress. I have no idea what work groups he is in and am not sure Parents Evening/ Consultation will illuminate this. Looking at the EYFS chart he is working well at Reception level and no further.

I hate school gate politics and am friendly but stay out of cliques and gossip. The school is very small and a number of parents attended as children. I understand that we all have concerns. Comparing work to see how DC are doing will lead to no good. The poor reaction of a few individuals has made me worried about any future instances where he may be singled out.

I am frustrated, will this nonsense go on until Year 7?

OP posts:

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SixtyFootDoll · 05/02/2012 14:23

I think the other parents need to get a life.
I have never known anyone do that at my DS's schools. Most bizarre.

ragged · 05/02/2012 14:37

What Rabbitstew said, I sometimes assume I must be very scarey to approach or that some MNers mix up with the most sharp-elbowed parents imaginable.

Original poster

Eggrules · 05/02/2012 14:43

HouseworkProcrastinator it is a small group of competitive parents and they sound just like the mum at your school. They take books out of the bag at pick up to show and tell. Very early on I made a mistake and answered a question - the parent concerned sent her DD back into for a new book .

It isn't anything to do with them and they do need to get a life.

My DS really struggled in nursery and is nice he did this one thing well.

OP posts:

HouseworkProcrastinator · 05/02/2012 14:54

Or you could tell them it was for managing not to bite another child that day... That will keep them away from you in future :)

Original poster

Eggrules · 05/02/2012 15:03

Or not picking his nose/head lice?

It was for literacy so burping the alphabet?

OP posts:

MigratingCoconuts · 05/02/2012 15:51

cool! i like the sound of those certificates!

Original poster

Eggrules · 05/02/2012 16:31

Already rolling my eyes at the thought of the school run. Looking forward to finding out about what happened.

OP posts:

rabbitstew · 05/02/2012 17:22

Ooh, yes. Tell them it was a letter asking you to deal with his headlice, not a certificate at all.

SuePurblybilt · 05/02/2012 17:26

I cannot believe someone said 'don't forget he is one of the oldest'
Shitty.

Lareine · 05/02/2012 18:16

I keep my head well down at the gates, but I don't think this goes on at our school. There is one little boy who is very proud of his reading achievement and opens his book bag to show his mum (who is a bit mortified and hurries him off!)

Luckily, my three closest mum friends all have children in YR but at three different schools so we get to examine all the different ways they do things.

lisad123 · 05/02/2012 18:24

Had the same in reception year. I once got called into class after school. Teacher wanted to start dd1 on spellings along with 2 other kids. Dd told me the other two. I came out to loads of questions and one mum said "oh my josh is properly the one of the other two" to which I replied "nope I know who they are" and stalked off!!
It does cool off as they move up the school.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 05/02/2012 18:41

Lisa

Eggrules - cOnGraTuLaTiOnS Little Eggy :) For whatever it is you have done so well :) FFS - some people really do need to get a life don't they. I honestly can't imagine being of the mindset that have text/rung/sent facebook messages... very very odd bunch of people. As for the silly cow saying 'You have to remember he's one of the oldest' she'll still be using that excuse when her DC are sitting their GCSE's

Iamnotminterested · 05/02/2012 19:17

IME the competitive parenting bullshit is worse in reception, with all the reading books comparison - not by me, BTW - and who is on the "top table" etc etc, recedes a little in year 1 and picks up again at the end of year 2 when the SAT results are out ; come juniors and the keen want to know where there darlings have been placed - "He was in group A for spellings, now he's in group B!!!" ...yeah, and...? Does it really matter, you sad cow??? and tails off again towards year 6 where at the end of the day people tend not to give a monkeys about other childrens' groups or grades and are just focussed on their own children doing the best that they possibly can.

My advice is to enjoy their jealousy, feed them bits of information but never too much and content yourself with the knowledge that they are really quite sad. Welcome to the world of school!!

HouseworkProcrastinator · 05/02/2012 19:52

Glad we don't do the SATS here... :)

Lareine · 05/02/2012 19:54

We're 11+ area, so it won't ever fade away ............

Original poster

Eggrules · 05/02/2012 19:59

Lareine The little boy has every reason to be excited. My DS's has known his best friend since they were 6 months old. His family have been to our house many times. I have never asked his parents about book levels, groupings or progress.

Lisad123 Good for you.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs I think it may have been the first time someone has been singled out. My DS isn't gifted he has just done one bit of work well.

SuePurblybilt it was a snide thing to say = ? Her DD is only 15 weeks younger.

Iamnotminterested I really hope it is a Reception thing. It isn't obvious (to me) what the groups mean because they have names based on animals. My friend's DS has brilliant handwriting. I am really pleased for him - he tries very hard and is keen to practise.

Some parents really do believe a birthday before Christmas means they have an advantage over the rest of the class. I think there may be a difference between the oldest and youngest in the year. IMHO It isn't a general rule especially when the difference is only a few months.

I have heard of SATs but don't really know what they are. I hope they don't rank the class and release a list? 2 years away so no point on worrying. I know that parents evening will focus on how DS is doing compared to EYFS targets or his peer group and not towards specific children. That is all I need to know.

OP posts:

Iamnotminterested · 05/02/2012 20:00

...THEIR darlings

Original poster

Eggrules · 05/02/2012 20:07

I forgot all about 11+ - remember it well.

Anyway I am not annoyed at school although I will ask for warning if something like this happens again.

I was already exasperated at the competitive parenting. I think I need to make it clear I won't be joining in.

I need to be glad DS is not having problems at the moment and be happy he has done well. I just need to find out from school what the certificate is for.

OP posts:

Original poster

Eggrules · 05/02/2012 20:08

Iamnotminterested Didn't notice until you pointed it out.

OP posts:

Iamnotminterested · 05/02/2012 20:14

OP you appear to have totally the right attitude to your son's schooling. Oh the stories I could tell...

I am a stickler for spelling.

Original poster

Eggrules · 05/02/2012 20:16

Spill, it will make me feel a bit better

OP posts:

monstermissy · 05/02/2012 20:17

My only concern about my son in reception is that he is happy and settled. All the reading, writing etc can come later. Ive no idea where he is compared to others i dont care. My only concern is him. Some mums can be very odd.

Original poster

Eggrules · 05/02/2012 21:09

I agree monstermissy. My DS was unhappy for a long time and I am happy he is now content.

This odd behaviour isn't limited to mums.

OP posts:

Original poster

Eggrules · 06/02/2012 10:26

School opened early because of the snow and so there wasn't a congregation as such. I have spoken to the teacher and the award was given out a week early. It was for writing a few sentences to retell a nursery rhyme from memory and for progress with reading. Before the summer holidays he couldn't write his name or read at all. Great progress made and I am really happy.

He was so frustrated last year to be sitting with children happily writing their names and he couldn't hold a pencil. We do 30 mins homework each night and he has tried really hard. I am so proud of him.

I think that a few parents are surprised that he has caught up to or moved past their DC. Snide. He is just working well at Reception level ffs.

OP posts:

learnandsay · 06/02/2012 11:16

The school is very small and a number of parents attend as children? What does that mean? Is it a typo? Or does it mean that a number of parents go to school and sit in class and get taught primary lessons and go out to play at play time? (Surely not.)

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