How long do you leave it before moving an unhappy child?

[secondsister]

Long story short-moved DS from a small state primary in April last year (only 4 classes/mixed years in each). For various reasons, we took the decision to move him to a much bigger independent school with 4 classes in each year but only 15 in each class.

I've been getting the feeling from things that DS has said over the months that he's not happy but trying to just give it time. Things have been building up and I have difficulty getting him to get up in the morning and he moans about going.

We had a long chat last night and he said he "feels sad every day" and when I pointed out that his teacher said he seemed happy at school, he said "I HAVE to look like I'm happy". It seems he's unhappy with a number of things, including the huge number of children in his year. He finds it overwhelming and hard to make friends.

Against my better judgement, I broached the subject of moving to another school and he was so happy, he was beaming. The other school only has 12 in the year and I explained this and also the fact it's a big thing to move again but he was adamant he wants less children.

I'm thinking if we decided to move him, we would have to give the school notice now for him to start at a new one in September. So he would have to stay until the beg. of July! But it is too soon? Should I give it longer. My gut feeling is no but I wondered if anyone had any thoughts/experience of this?

sunnylabsmum, will keep my fingers X for your DD, hope it all works out.

Maybetime, I know exactly what you mean. I got myself into a right state the first time when he moved from his state primary to his current independent school. I'm in danger of doing it again this time but for different reasons. This time, I worried if we move him and it doesn't work out, what do we do? I'm relying on the taster day which I hope I can organise for a couple of weeks time. I'm going to have another look around too and get another feel for the place.

I just wish we did have to factor-in the term's notice period and could just give it a bit longer before having to make a decision.

Today I booked a "taster" day at the school we are considering for DS.

I'm now working myself up into a frenzy thinking I haven't given it long enough/the current school with think I'm nuts/the parents will think I'm crazy/I've totally ballsed everything up.

I'm also worried about who to speak to first. I need to find out about the notice period and how soon DS could leave so that would be the registrar, but I also need to speak to the head and let her know that DS isn't happy and we are considering our options but should I speak to the teacher first? Oh god, it's driving me crazy! DH is supportive but totally unhelpful, he's got too much on his mind with work. I burst into floods of tears tonight, I'm finding the stress unbearable.

Just needed to offload, sorry!

Hope I haven't killed the thread by being boring!

DS had a parents evening last night and he is doing well. His form teacher was genuinely surprised that he was unhappy as she said that he seemed happy at school as did a number of his other teachers. They all had good things to say about him.

I came home utterly confused. I had flagged up to his form teacher that he is telling us he's unhappy and feels "sad" at school and they want to do whatever they can to help and have asked me to set up a meeting.

However, I now have a taster day at the other school in just over a week. I really don't know whether to cancel. I spoke to DS this morning and told him that all his teachers felt he was doing well and perhaps he should give it a bit more time, he is in a good school, it's a big thing to change etc. He didn't cry or have a meltdown, just sort of smiled and said "but I hate this school". It's not as if he is having tummy pains/crying/clinging on to me and he has friends-he just keeps saying that "I HAVE to look happy".

I don't know, but I'm actually worried now that he is enjoying the attention and the drama. I KNOW the other school would suit him but it's such a massive thing to change again.

I'm going to have another chat tonight and lay it on the line and see what his reaction is if we say that we think he should stay where he is for at least another few months.

Would just appreciate any thoughts on this. Many thanks.