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So does this mean my DD is a bit defiant/shy?

14 replies

ChasTittyBeltUp · 03/02/2012 18:13

She's 7 in year three...new school, only began in September. The school is excelent...ofsted outstanding and that aside all of the parents speak highly of how the teachers and HT are wonderful.

DD has settled in quite well for a quiet girl...she's come out of herself markedly in comparision to the way she used to be.

Right at the start her teacher told me (1st week) that my DD is reluctant to answer questions...would say "I don't know" a lot. She also pointed out that her spelling and reading is excellent and she is very articulate. She intimated then that DD would have to stop with the "don't knows" or she would have to see the HT.

I said at the time "But what if she's having bother working out her answer...actually doesn't know?" and the teacher was a bit Confused

Fast forward to three weeks ago and the teacher tells me that she feels DDs comprehension is poor and she wants her assesed. She told me that DD is behind her peers and that she showed DD a picture and asked DD to describe what was happening in it and DD again "don't know"

So...ok...I agree to her being assesed even though I am pretty sure that this don't know business is my DD being typically slightly rebellious...She's ften been reluctant to speak in public and has trouble sharing her feelings even with me and her Dad....so what is this? The assesment hasnt happend yet as we're still waiting.

To get to the point...teacher told me today that my DD had a turn at being the "Summariser" after a story and at first she answered "Don't know" when asked to describe the main points of the story....then with encouragement she laid them out just fine. Teacher was very happy with DD.

Why is dd this way? We have talked to her about it..told her to try to be brave and speak out...her last school was a prep....where it was pretty old fashioned parrot fashion learning...new school is very creative.

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ChasTittyBeltUp · 03/02/2012 18:15

When I say "behind her peers" I mean in comprehension only.

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scurryfunge · 03/02/2012 18:17

It may be just a habit and a way of opting out of being the focus. Sounds more like shyness than anything else.

ChasTittyBeltUp · 03/02/2012 18:32

As a smaller girl..in nursery, she wouldn't speak for a number of weeks...she would not even get up to get a crayon the teacher told me at the time...then she suddenly clicked, got used to it and was fine. She has been VERY shy wth strangers for most of her life..it has got much better though.

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LanceCorporalBoiledEgg · 03/02/2012 18:40

I was exactly the same as a child.

It was a mixture of shyness (I still hate talking in front of large groups of people) and a big fear of getting it wrong.

ChasTittyBeltUp · 03/02/2012 18:50

I think this about her egg and I think that it's partly my fault. I have been pushy with her in the past...to my shame...I had NO idea what was normal in a 4 or 5 year old and stressed her out. It didnt help me that we were on a fat bursary in a prep we could not afford. I felt she should be "earning her place"

I still have to bite my lip...but I see her begining to take a joy in learning now....she is ecited about a current homework project and she has NEVER once been excited about HW in the past. Bless her teacher for caring. even if it stresses me out

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ChasTittyBeltUp · 04/02/2012 13:56

She is doing her homework and coming up with characteristics for the piece...she has come up with some quite nice ones...such as Careful, Happy, Cheerful, Busy.

She DOES need a bloody rocket under her though! She'd rather watch tv and write in different fonts on my comp than do her homework...I have tried to encourage her to do her homework on my comp but it's like I have put her off the idea when I suggest that.

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coronet · 05/02/2012 09:08

Wow, sounds like a lot of pressure for a 7 year old. She sounds like someone who shuts down to get everyone off her back. I'd really calm down about her achievements if I were you, and use rewards for the homework. If she doesn't do it let the school address that directly with her. Your job is praise, acknowledgment and love.

ChasTittyBeltUp · 05/02/2012 09:58

Tell that to her school

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FranticBanana · 05/02/2012 10:43

I think Egg has it with the fear of failing. Parrot fashion learning is nice and safe and secure for a bright child - as long as you've got a good memory you'll do fine, and you are effectively told what to think. Suddenly she's in an environment where she has to come up with her own ideas and share them with other people, with all the stress of, "Am I right? What if I'm wrong? Will they laugh at me?" For a bright, conscientious child, especially one who has been under pressure to perform at the top of their game, this is horrendously stressful at first. So much easier to plead ignorance, especially if you don't have a problem with being a bit rebellious.

When you next see her teacher I would mention the difference in learning styles. In the meantime try to help her with the risk-taking side of things. Let her see that it's OK to try things and get them wrong - show her it happens to everyone! "I thought if I left the pizza in the oven for another couple of minutes it would be nice and crispy, but oh dear, it's gone a bit brown, hasn't it? Next time I'll follow the instructions!"

And as coronet said, praise, acknowledgment and love. And don't worry about the homework - I would be much more worried about a 7 year old who preferred homework to playing on the computer or watching TV!

ChasTittyBeltUp · 05/02/2012 11:41

The teacher has mentioned this to be fair to her Frantic and she has taught DC from the same school in the past..she said the styles were very different and my DD was shocked by the amount of free thinking she is now expected to do.

I LOVE your risk taking ideas! Grin that would certainly appeal to my DD who has an off-beat sense of humour. Thank you.

I do praise her....I tell her when the teacher has written a nice comment in her book to me or if the HT mentions something...which she has....and I tell her that she should be proud of herself for coping with all the change so well.

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FranticBanana · 05/02/2012 12:02

It sounds like you and the teacher are well on the way to helping her through this. Smile Good luck with the risk taking!

ragged · 05/02/2012 12:16

Was she home-schooled before?
Agree it's fear of failure, but I'm surprised because one thing I see in favour of HS kids is more confidence (usually). I agree that she needs space to be quietly under the radar until she gets used to the culture of school life.

ChasTittyBeltUp · 05/02/2012 13:17

No. She was at a very tiny private prep....from age to the end of year 2. She liked it but it was so small and this year there would have been her and one other girl in the year as well as 8 boys. Not many girls in other years either. One or two in each and there was no year 5 at all.

I feared the school would do her no favours socially and it had very little scope for creativity. She was also very tired all the time as the academic work was heavy.

SHe is much happier and more "child like" since she got to her new school. Socially I think she is fine...she has made 2 friends that she seems to be with a lot and others that are also available to play with....she has joined in with extra crricular activities and has opened up in her personality too.

I just think the school need to give her more time to settle. It's been one and a half terms and she is the youngest in the year too. AUgust born.

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ChasTittyBeltUp · 05/02/2012 13:18

I meant to say "From age 3 to end of year 2" so three years.

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