Fidgety son update...and please help with DIY strategies!

[jalapeno]

Thanks to everyone for advice and reassurance, we went to the GP but he seems to think the community paeds won't go for it without the support of the school. I could fight for a referral but tbh this doesn't sit right with us so we will try some stuff at home first and see whether there is any improvement.

He has done very well academically until now with us just hearing him read (probably only 3 times a week- we both worked long hours up until very recently when I have cut down) and doing spellings and times tables once or twice a week. His school don't give any other homework so we haven't pushed that issue, we are quite lazy laid back in that respect . However now with him refusing to write at school I think we should be practising more at home. Only a few sentences a day, to get his hand and his body used to it and build his confidence. Does this sound ok? Are there any websites with short but fun worksheets we can try? If we can work it into a family routine where his younger brother can colour and I can do a shopping list at the same time we will all benefit!

I am also going to get him doing some after school activities, he currently does after school club once a week and Beavers, both of which he adores but it is more scope to run around I suppose (I had always thought this was a positive, now not so sure ) He has always quite liked ninja stuff so we think we might try him with free lessons at karate as a trial and he's always on about drum lessons but after a quick google it looks like they start them a bit older. Music lessons start next year at school, my sister with sensory issues always found music very therapeutic and is now an accomplished musician so I think he would benefit from trying that next year.

Any other suggestions for after school activities for boys that are very active and could do with a bit of discipline and a creative outlet?

Hi jalapeno:

You could try the BBC Learning [BETA] webpage: link to literacy worksheets

www.bbc.co.uk/schools/teachers/keystage_1/worksheets/literacy1.shtml

The above is literacy worksheets KS1. I can't remember if your son was KS1 or not. If not - select www.bbc.co.uk/schools/teachers/ and then select KS1 or KS2 (in orange box mid left) - then just select the subject - their are worksheet resources for each subject. May be an idea to sneak in writing as and when the subject is really of interest.

Other great writing tasks to sneak in:

Postcards to school/ friends/ family when on trips/ outings

Thank you cards (for Christmas presents/ birthday presents/ nice day out/ etc.)

Writing in for competitions (tons of stuff on CBBC/ CITV & children's magazines)

Help making lists - I have my DDs make a list of what they'd like me to bring on a trip away (i.e. what toys & DVDs should be take when we see Grandma).

Hope that helps.

Thanks so much! I've had a quick look at the BBC site and it looks really good

Hi Jalapeno

This website does make your own handwriting sheets. This cool because you can make them say what you want like: "My boy is very clever" or "Look at that big poo!". Whatever your taste...! My ds1 did them for a bit, but did get bored after a couple of weeks. Still something is better than nothing, may resurrect them.

He enjoys labelling pictures, like writing a story about what he's drawn (but loves drawing). He also really enjoys the 'paint' application on the computer.

I was a little scared by your list of potential activities! I don't know about your ds, but mine gets more fidgety and unfocussed the more tired he gets. He also gets easily over stimulated, so by Friday he is finding it hard to sit down and relax. The tired-er he is, the less likely he is to sit and watch TV and more likely he is to want to draw/ do lego/ tidy his room. It's a fine line between letting them run off energy and getting over stimulated.

Football/ rugby coaching can be quite good for discipline and also physical.

My friends kids are super disciplined and I recently found out they play family games once a week. Her youngest is 3 and they have been doing it for a while! (Probably since she was 1 as she has a sister who is 2yrs older). I can imagine this really helps with listening and focus, so we have been trying to do it more. We play Jenga (which, now I think about it, is probably good for dexterity) and Connect 4 as a family (2 teams), but I think we need to get our repertoire up!

I read a website which was linked from a children's OT centre. It had some good ideas. One was to play Simon Says and then half way through change it so they have to do the opposite of what Simon Says. I don't think my ds could handle this!!! Sorry, can't remember the site.

Getting him to write at home sounds like a great idea. A little but often is our motto.

I printed handwriting sheets - no idea where from but if you google handwriting practice you can get that paper with 3 lines so they can get more familiar with where the letters are meant to go. My ds' g's floated in the air until we did this. Do you know what I mean?

I choose a topic one day and he has to write 1 or 2 sentences and the next day he can choose.

Is your son in YR1?

Think I can remember reading your other thread. I too have a yr 1 fidgeter. He goes to TaeKwando and I think it has helped him a bit.

We also play statues quite a lot. He is useless at it and I shouldn't laugh at him but I do which seems to motivate him to stay still for longer.
I have a meeting with teacher next week. Am scared!

Thanks MM! I'm sorry to make you nervous only musing a new activity, I wouldn't do all of them lol I think musical stuff will have to wait so something sporty would be a good idea. I actually think my DS is better after some exercise, he is lovely after a long walk or a kids party. It chills him out! He obviously does get tired, especially from late nights, and then he is awful...

Wowooo yes we have floating letters too. He is in year 2 but has been a fidgeter all through year 1 his yr 1 teacher was lovely, she used to say "he's a real fidget but this is what I do with him..." so we never saw it as a problem!

I have a meeting with the teacher tomorrow, woohoo (love your name by the way). Bit nervous too. Don't want to come across as over protective/ neurotic parent imagining issues where there are none, but equally to raise concerns I do have. I hate that stuff.

Jalapeno, is his Y1 teacher still there at the school? If the school are unwilling to refer him, then I would request this his Y2 teacher speak to his Y1 teacher and find out what her strategies were. If she worked out how to handle him, it is a spectacular waste of time for another teacher to try and figure him out, especially if she is not really managing to.

MM that is a very good idea, I don't want to piss off his current teacher though by suggesting another teacher was better at dealing with this! His ex-reception teacher is also the SENCO and she was always very good with him but I suppose there is more formal learning now which he is struggling with, in reception he was in heaven, he loves imaginative play.

His yr 1 teacher always loved his eccentric ways, she used to say how he always knew when to relax and be funny and when to knuckle down and work hard. This teacher doesn't seem to like the "funny" side of him as essentially they are saying the same thing, one has put a much more positive slant on it. I don't want to justify him being the class clown though, I can see how it would grate!

Also good luck tomorrow and keep us updated!

If he knows when to knuckle down and work hard there shouldn't be a prob, should there? I know what you mean by annoying the current teacher, but tbh, it sounds like he is not really her flavour of the month, so you making a suggestion she doesn't like probably won't change the way she views him. I don't think there's the massive change between Y1 and Y2. Hmmm...I THINK what I would do (but maybe not the best) would be to go and see his Y1 teacher and say he is not getting on v well this year (make out it is his problem not the Y2 teacher! Re-iterate some of the comments you have been getting) and ask for some of her strategies and if she would consider having a chat with the Y2 teacher about some things which worked for her.

At least he's had 2 teachers who like him, which is a bonus! Let's hope next year he has another 'goodie'.

I can't really say that though, he is doing well this year. He has progressed to become a free reader, is in top phonics group, he is happy and has good friendships. I'm not sure that saying he is not getting on well will stack up. I may ask her for her strategies to pass on to his present teacher.

Either he has a developmental need and I have no way of getting that tested for a year or two or there is a personality clash there. I suppose I can't really put that to the test either lol. I can however keep his confidence up and help him with his weak points, that can only ever help him

My fidgeters (all had wobble cushions) have always sat down to 30 minutes of homework every night since they were 3. It's totally part of our routine and is not laborious or a fight (and I'm not a disciplinarian!). We get home from school, have a snack while I put the dinner on, sit down to handwriting (our school does cursive - it needs lots of practice!)/reading/spelling/mental maths (use Numicon for support). This only takes 30 minutes as they know when they are done it's dinner then they can do as they please (except no TV during the week!). I have heard of friends having a real problem getting their kids to do simple homework set, so I think getting into a routine early and making sure they anticipate it every night makes life much easier. It also teaches them that important life skill of 'get the shitty chores done first then we can do stuff we want to do and not have it on our minds'!
Board games are great, pictureka, dominoes, chess and zingo are favourites in our house.
As for after school activities, I started my 4 years old on Karate in order to try and get him to stand still! Now they all do it!
Football on Monday night and Saturday morning, Rugby - Sunday morning, Karate on Friday. They also do sport every day at school which is great - especially for boys.
I think the key for fidgeters is routine - it has been for mine anyway. Plenty of sleep,
Not too much TV. when you do read/play board games/eat/colour etc.. do it up to the table and keep on top of it. Set out your expectations clearly and reward when they are achieved. Our teachers are brilliant at this kind of thing and seem to get it under wraps very quickly - bit we only have 20 to a class and 2 teachers so it's probably a different set of circumstances. I remember in Yr 2 when DS1 kept daydreaming, they kept him in at playtimes to finish the work that they knew he would have completed had he not have been looking around the room/playing with his pencil! That didn't take long to sink in!
The only final thing I'd say is that music lessons are great, but also require dedicated practice. My yr4 is at the piano for 30 mins every night and then 10 minutes of theory. If there is already that grounding and expectation of homework then that will be alot easier.
Hope you find what works for you .

Thanks conorsrockers, that all sounds quite tiring (for you lol) but actually much like how I would plan things, I really think he would benefit from more activity and routine. Can I ask two cheeky questions...do you work? Also did you introduce no TV after realising it was a bad thing or it was your parenting style from day 1? I used to work full time, things got really bad, I would have to use the tv so I could get stuff done, dinner, dishwasher etc. (sounds awful, I'm not proud of it ) but now I work mostly school hours I want to limit the tv and introduce the table time after school, like you I like to cook and potter whilst they are at the table in the kitchen. DS and wii are now severely limited in the week which helps.

Last night we did some worksheets I found thanks to the lovely ladies on here, then he drew some aliens. He loved the worksheets, I think because they didn't involve much writing (he just had to write one fact and one "fiction" he went with their space theme at school, the sun is a star and the moon has its own light) He then played some bitesize games on the laptop then played with his brother in the bath till bed.

There is a martial arts place that offers 4 free lessons as a trial down the road so we will try that and he wants to try little league footie with his friends at the weekend but I think we'll start on a slightly less arctic weekend

Questions not at all cheeky. Happy to tell you anything that will help! I do work full-time. As soon as they started school at 3 I started stopping early so I could get them from school (didn't have that problem with day-care!!). To be honest the whole homework thing was trial and error and I learned by 1. Finding out how other mums did it and 2. Getting it wrong!! I used to switch on the TV as soon as we got home and became highly adept at thinking up excuses (for myself) as to why I hadn't done anything that I had meant to be doing that evening!! I envied these people that always managed to be super organised and managed to get their kids doing times tables by the age of 6 - and used to make myself feel better by convincing myself that they were pushy parents and my kids would be soooo much happier. I couldn't have got it more wrong to be honest! The TV and computer games were a constant distraction and after some lively debate with my husband we tried cutting it out during the week and the difference was huge. They were just generally more compliant and easy and not as argumentative. (I would not recommend this for under 4's tho' - just for your sanity!) It was shortly after this that I realised the computer games had a HUGE affect on their behaviour and cut these out completely except on school holidays. Amazingly, after a week or so they didn't really care.
I have a box in the dining room with a folder each. The things they need to do are in there or in their school bag. There is also a box of ready sharpened pencils, rubber and sharpener (sounds silly, but the slightest distraction and it can fall apart). Phones are off. I cook things that don't take long - chilli, sausages, casseroles are a godsend as I make them in the morning before I go to work and then shove some dumplings in while they are having their snack. You must be prepared to sit down and do it with them - have a plan, but you can slyly give some choice - "before you can get down from the table you need to do a, b and c. Which would you like to do first?". Also have a consequence if they don't do it or are being difficult "your choice, if you do your homework you can go and play with your toys/whatever appeals after we've had dinner, if you don't do it you will go to bed straight after dinner'. Sounds cruel (you must follow through with the consequence if necessary) BUT as they get older they WILL be grateful as they will find the whole thing much easier and it stands them in good stead when they get to GCSE's/further education. The hardest thing is making the conscious decision to do it and sticking to it. It's like joining the gym and then making excuses as to why you can't go or missing a couple of sessions here and there and wondering why you haven't lost any weight! It was as much a life lesson for me as it was a valuable tool for them. My time between 3.30 and 8 is totally dedicated to the kids. After they have gone to bed I clear up, finish anything I didn't get to do at work (because I left early to pick them up!) and then COLLAPSE!! Good luck

Thanks for the tips conorsrockers, I really appreciate it. Sounds like I am in the sort of place you were at when you made the change! I'll give it a go but tbh organisation isn't my strong point. Poor old DS has got where he is without us doing more than the minimum at home, I used to think that was fine now I really think we have been too lax. I won't make the same mistake with DS2!!