When is moving schools the right thing to do?

[mrsbeans]

Hi - has anyone out there got experience of moving their child part way through primary and how did you know it was the right thing to do?

DS is in year one at local primary and we have had concerns since reception that a negative friendship with another child is effecting his self confidence and general happiness. He is not a timid child, he has always been very gregarious and confident but is quite sensitive and so takes things to heart if supposed friends criticise him all the time. On top of this there are a number of very boisterous boys in his class and I am worried that the overall environment is just quite stressful. I am worried that if his self esteem is low now it will set a trend.

I have found another school in the area which has a good reputation, is much smaller and has space in Year 1. BUT I just don't know how to be sure that moving him would be the right thing?!

Any advice welcome......

Well, I deliberated for a year over whether or not to move 3.

I did, and it was one of the best things I ever did for them.

I just feel bad that I spent a year thinking about whether to or not.

I moved my dc too. Best thing ever, the change is just amazing.

Stressed a lot about it, but was right decision.

Another here who spent ages stressing over the decision for my older child - my only regret now is that I waited so long.

Will probably move the younger one in September, too - and yes, I still worry again about whether I am doing the right thing, but I have so many concerns and reservations about the current school.

Your son is in Y1 - long enough to have given his current environment a fair chance.

I think he will encounter boisterous boys his whole life and needs to learn coping strategies rather than removing him from certain types of people. Unless if course it is actual bullying and if so the school needs to take action.

Indigo, I don't see how you can feel bad about waiting, after all, you wouldn't know that it'd turn out well until after you'd done it.

Ladies - WOW - quite decisive response that moving ds is a positive thing.

I just have to talk ds into thinking it is a good thing also. He got really stressed when I mentioned it before. I think my strongest negotiating tactic might be that new school is too far to walk to and so he would get to go in the car every day!!

SootySweepandSue - yes, we have thought about that and to be honest have swung back and forth. Perhaps boisterous is the wrong word. There is a particular child with behavioural problems who needs one to one assistance all day and the school only have funding for part of the morning. There is another child who is a "friend" but who we think is purposefully goading ds to get a reaction. I agree he will benefit from coping strategies and we have been doing things at home and at school. But if the environment is stressful, will that be enough?

More specifically, nothing about my children changed when we moved school :)

They all ended up with practically exactly the same amount and type of friends at the new school.

They had the same academic problems / gifts.

They had the same playground issues.

However what changed dramatically was how the school dealt with things. :)

The pastoral care was far, far better, and for the first time I knew someone was keeping an eye on DS at lunchtime.

The SENCO was far, far better, and for the first time I could discuss stuff with her.

They coped very, very well with my DS problem children. For example they have a lunchtime club for kids who can't handle unstructured lunchtimes.

So, even if your child happens to be in a class with much the same type of boys, there's every reason to think a different school would handle it better.

I moved dd at the start of year 3. I agonised because I was worried about the impact. She didn't want to move and still talks lovingly about her old school... But it has been a fabulous move. She looks so much more confident and happy in herself (which I wasn't expecting), loves going to school, has made some really great friends.

If you have been unhappy for a year and a half, I think you should just trust your instincts. One thing though - don't try to get your ds's agreement. Dcs resist change and won't make it easy for you by deciding to move. You are the one who has to make the decision and then tell ds what is happening.

I second what IndigoBell has said about how differently schools can deal with your dcs too. In dd's first school, issues weren't taken on board that well and I had to work at building good relationships with the teachers. In the new school, I can't believe how nice they are to parents and how seriously they take what we say. We had an ongoing issue with one child at the old school which wasn't really addressed, whereas any issue I have mentioned at the new school has been dealt with pretty instantly.

IndigoBell & Coronet - thank you for sharing your experiences. You are right I need to make the decision for DS. I just feel I need to frame it in the right way so that he can perhaps see where I am coming from. Thank you :)

I moved my DS after 11 days in reception at an "outstanding" church school ... it was dire, bullying, aggression, tedium ... nothing was dealt with. And by the end of Y6 just 14 of the 33 children who had started with him remained at the school. Follow your instinct! Incidentally, I moved him to a school with a much poorer profile but it was very caring, good enough and both my boys thrived there.