ds (year 6) off school - again - being isolated by class

[mrszimmerman]

we moved area and ds joined yr 6 in October last year. It's a lovely school but one boy is very hostile to him. The teacher has tried to address it in a low key way but ds still very often has no one to play with at break times and seems to be incredibly down about it, he's missed days of school with an 'upset tummy' which comes on at 8.30 am.
This one boy appears to be very dominant and can't seem to tolerate ds. ds does have some friends but they don't have that much clout I think.
My sis implies: life is tough he has to go in and face it out. I wish the school could make a difference. But maybe there's nothing they can do. This boy seems to be in charge of the group.

What kind of strategies might work in this situation?

I don't know what is reasonable to expect the school to achieve. ds just says we moved so late, they all have mates, they don't really like him etc.
The whole thing is having a really depressing effect on all of us. He says he wants to be home schooled....
I've written to the teacher again and will wait to hear what he says. It's hard to force a big kid into school.

Any thing positive anyone might say from their own experience would be wonderful to read.

There are quite a lot of topics about isolated children in past posts. They'll probably be helpful. Join the PTA or other groups, meet parents, invite families round, join local groups, scouts, etc, clubs. If you can go into school with him then do. Meet and speak to the teacher and work out a formal way of settling your son in. Bring your son's friends round to your house as often as you can. Get them working on a joint project like building a lifesize dinosaur out of papier-mache or some big endeavour which will take them some time and for which their enthusiasm can and will spread over into school time. Basically make his life fun and extend it into school. And get his teachers to support you in doing it and checking how well it's going.

I think you need to talk to his teacher and find out if his observation of things and your son's match. If you know any TAs or dinnerladies then it's worth asking them what they have observed.

My son started Y6 at a new school last September. He isn't best friends with the boy who was assigned to be his "buddy" but has slotted in well. I would not have written off this year because it's the year before secondary and would expect the school to support him if he hasn't settled in. One of the reasons that I picked his school is that half of his classmates will be going to secondary with him and knowing people from primary would hopefully make the Y6 to Y7 transition easier. Biking to school and playing out in the local park has helped cement my son's friendships. Is there anything little like that which could help him fit in?

I would work on cementing his current friendships by having sleepovers etc. as I think that friends are a strong reason to want to go to school. I would also work on his self confidence by taking him to out of school activities.

learnandsay, I'm actually doing almost everything you suggest, seriously! the problem is his three main friends are also close to the dominant boy who is so hostile, they have to choose.
I have invited all the friends round and am continuing to do so, I'm trying really hard to do all those things but I'm having trouble getting him through the gates.
Actually what appears to be happening is a total loss of confidence, he now thinks everyone hates him.
It's so horrible the damage one nastily behaved little child can cause.

Also,sorry for negative outbursts, but two of his main activities have been massively unwelcoming, one he was actively bullied at. He's stopped going to both despite massive efforts on my side to try address the hostility.
He's never been a target like this before. I feel as if it's a combination of hormones and his being a totally soft target.