DS yr 1 - having real problems finding playmates at break and lunch

[masuki]

My lovely bright sweet (OK i am biased!) son is so sad this term - he says he asks to join in people's games at break/luch and is told to go away....

I am feeling so sad about this, he really is a lovely lad, sure abit bossy but nothing outrageous. Is it my parenting? Why hasnt he found a little group of lads/girls to hang out with? There are some lovely children in his class, and i am feeling so sad for him. What can i encourage hin to do to be accepted in to these groups? Playdates at home are tricky as we really do live way out in the countryside.

I have suggested (a) not asking to join in, simply joining in quietly, (b) playing an amazing exciting game on his own so people want to join him, or (c) sitting quietly, happily in his own compkany watching the world go by and knowing that he is beautiful and wonderful and needs nobody!!!

Please help me out here! How can my darling beloved DS find just a couple of playmates at breaktime?

Masuki - I don't have any answers, but I am sure it will be a temporary problem. You sound like a very loving, caring mum. Have you tried discussing the issue with his form teacher, to ask if they can support him in "buddying up" with a couple of like-minded children in the class? The techer may also have an idea why other children aren't keen to play with your son.

Also, does the school not have a friendship bench or some way that children struggling with friendships can find someone to play with?

I can understand why this upsets you, but I am sure there are some things you can do to support him and rememdy the situation. Good luck.

bump

Oh I'm so sorry, it must be awful for you both. have you tried talking to his teacher? When I was worried about my youngest making friends the TA would sit him with other boys that she knew he would like. Friendships eventually developed. Another trick I had was getting to the playground early before school and my DS would have one of his toys that would interest the other children and conversations and games soon started.

What about asking some of the children round for a playdate?

In the class i work in this is a common problem. The children tell the teacher and the she says "right, who's going to play with whoeveritis tomrrow.". And they are all desperate to play with that child.

Hopefully the teacher could sort it out.
I am sorry your skn is going through this. I hope its only temporary.

Definitely speak to his teacher
Sign him up for any lunchtime clubs or activities
Try to fix up a couple of playdates, even if it is difficult it does really help to get children to make a one to one connection
Make sure that he's not too fixed in terms of what he wants to play and get him to be prepared to play with people he wouldn't normally
.....my DS, though he does have lots of friends, has had spells of being lonely as he is genuinely not one bit interested in football, and most other boys his age are. DS has adapted - and whilst the majority of his mates are still football mad, he's found others to play with, some in other years, even - gasp! - girls (he even invited some of them to his birthday party...I nearly fell over)

It wasn't so bad with DS but improved massively after we had a birthday party for him

We invited the whole class and parents for tea/drinks, it seemed to raise his profile and 2 years later he is much more confident and popular.

I'm sorry you're going through this, it's sp sad thinking about yours DCs being lonely.

Other thoughts, any cool toys or snacks he could take in to share at break? I must sound really superficial but needs must. Definitely try to invite some children round for tea. I encouraged DS just to join in games rather than ask. Fingers crossed for you.

We went through this with dd. It turned out that what she wanted was for the other children to play her games, rather than her actually join in with their games. Could this be what's happening th your ds?

We spoke to dd's teacher about it and it improved a bit. Dd still struggles a bit with it if I'm honest.

Thanx for your thoughtful replies, really supportive.

Spoke to DS this motning and asked whether he'd like me to speak with teacher. He said no! We had long chat about break time plans for today, trying simply joining in others games or playing an amazingly exciting game all by himself.

I can't wait for after school to find out how it went today.