CofE school. Is this appropriate?

[Jezabelle]

My DD (yr1) attends our local village school. I send her there because it is our only school within walking distance, (about 30 seconds away!) We are very much a part of our community and DD knew most of her class mates before going to school. I like the school's atmosphere and DD is generally happy there and doing well.

It is a CofE school. We are not a religious family. I certainly did not object to this when I sent her there. I was happy for her to visit the local church at Christmas/ Easter and sing hymns in assembly. I am also happy for her to hear Bible stories, (although I would prefer that it was done in the context that "this is a story but some people who are Christians believe it is true"). I am happy for my children to grow up to believe in God/ Jesus etc. I feel that this is their choice entirely.

However, DD was very upset this morning. She told me that her class teacher was talking about pets dying. I do not object to this, but DD explained that her teacher was explaining that God looks after your pets when they die. I do object to this being told as fact. I feel that it's such a fundemental and important subject and is very much the place of the parent to choose what they tell their own child. We had a family berievement when DD was very young and DD was not told that he was "looked after by God".

Part of the reason I feel so strongly about this is that there is a child in the class whose dad has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. He probably does not have long left. I don't know whether her parents are religious or not or what they will tell her when the time comes, but if it were my DH who was ill, I would not tell DDs that he "went to Heaven" because that is not what I believe. Therefore to be told this in school as if it were fact, would be confusing and potentially damaging for her.

I know that they are giving a TA some sort of berievement training due to there being 2 parents with cancer within the school. I hugely respect that. I know that a child berievement course would not advocate telling a child that their loved one had gone to Heaven. (Obviously this would be discussed if this is what the child was told at home and then brought it up in discussion).

So, I was considering going in and talking to the class teacher or Head and asking what their policy was on discussing death within school. Do you think I have a leg to stand on or is this just what I have to accept being it's a CofE school?

Sirzy "why should the church bother providing it if its not to be part of the church community though?"...

The church provides free, open-access religious instruction in every town and village in the country - in the form of Sunday schools, where they are free to say categorically that god is x and god is y, and the only way to heaven is though the salvation of Jesus etc... The fact is most families do not take them up on this offer.

The church also (because of its history) has a hand in state education and many families send their children to CoE schools because that is the best or only option for them for practical, social or educational reasons. This captive audience shouldn't be taken as a chance for the church to catch up on the Sunday school audience they are missing with the same kind of categorical teaching of religious belief as fact (... Or in this case for the teacher to pass on her own made-up folk religion )

Whenever these questions come up and people say "if you don't like it go somewhere else"' I think they are taking a harder line than the church itself - if all the non-church going families had to drive their kids out of their home villages to go to school, the church's case for running community schools would fall apart.

If the church is going to continue to play a role in community schools it has to serve the whole community.

It does serve the whole community though but at the same time you can't really expect a church of england school to not teach their religion in the school. Seriously?

They are always going to teach that their religion is true because to them it is. Surely not a hard concept to understand? That doesn't mean they don't teach about what other people believe aswell though.

I know plenty of people who go to Church schools because that is the ethos they want, they want their children being raised with that message but according to you sod that nobody should get that option because a few don't want it.

I think your problem may come because you don't know the context in which the teacher said what she said. Was it because Suzy asked what has happened to her pet Hamster, who died? Are they reading Goodby Mog? Are they trying to talk about death as they know a child maybe having to deal with that soon?

Go and talk to the teacher.

I completely understand why this concerns you. I also send my child to a CofE school and do not believe in God. I also live in a small village where the only local option is to send them to that CofE school. Yes, I could drive out of catchment etc, but I don't disagree with things enough to do that. Actually, the local CofE school "only" got good in their OFSTED while some of the further away schools that aren't CofE got Outstanding so I'm hardly doing things because of the local school's "better" results / standing or anything. RAther I would like my son to go to his local school, support the local community etc.

Whilst I don't believe in God I have absolutely no problem with my son being taught about Christianity. Of course I'd expect that of a CofE school. However, in this sort of situation (which sounds very like the OPs) I do expect that they need to bear in mind that this is actually the only catchment option for most parents, i.e. they would have to be applying out of catchment to oversubscribed schools should they wish to NOT have a CofE education. I would therefore certainly expect the school to have close ties to the church, have bible stories, have religious assemblies etc. But I would also hope that when it comes to something like bereavement that they need to tread carefully - I do agree she should have said that she thinks people go to heaven or Christians believe people go to heaven etc.

I think this situation, i.e. where the CofE school really is your only feasible option, is really very different to where there is a choice of schools and you have deliberately chosen the CofE school for advantages of results etc.

Sirzy -

I think the most important thing for a school is that they serve all the pupils - that means not telling some parents that there are some things that they shouldn't come in and talk to the teacher about if they are concerned or their child is upset 'because its a Christian school and if you are not a Christian that's your problem'. And it means putting the kids needs above religious dogma, particularly when it comes to sensitive subjects like bereavement. Really, do you think it would be ok for a teacher to tell a child that non-Christians go to hell if that is what they believed?!

I think most CoE schools do this, because it is a robust old institution that wants to survive.

In any CoE school (but particularly where they have a monopoly) there will be believers, cultural Christians who are happy for their kids to get an insiders experience of the rituals and heritage of Christianity but are not bothered about the supernatural aspects, people with other religions and no religion at all. They are all equal members of the school, and I think it is wrong to say that only the true believers have the right to an opinion on the religious aspects of the school. For one thing, if you continually tell everyone else to put up and shut up it gives a false view that everyone is a believer and only a minority are not, but my guess is there are more cultural Christians than believers at most CoE schools (...and probably amongst most CoE teachers, and quite possibly most vicars for that matter ).

On the OP's question on pet heaven a religious parent could also be and go in to discuss their concern. The point is no one parents concern is more legitimate than the others.

TSirzy Fri 27-Jan-12 07:46:32
"It does serve the whole community though but at the same time you can't really expect a church of england school to not teach their religion in the school. Seriously?"

This is why it seems odd that they would teach about the afterlife of pets which is not part of their religion; the official religion is that (of the living creatures on earth) only humans have a soul capable of surviving death.

There are a number of categories of CoE schools if the school is VA or a Foundation school the church owns the school, the land and pays for the upkeep

my friends dd is at a catholic school, last year when she was in reception told her mum she knew she came from daddy's seed... I have no problems with facts, but she was only 5 fgs!! sorry no pun intended! in response to your op, imho i would say tmi too young! i have a hard enough time consoling my 5 year old reading about how all the dinosaurs are dead without explaining where they all went!!