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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Going on the day trip by following the coach would be a bad idea, wouldn't it?

41 replies

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 25/01/2012 12:07

DS is 7 and in Yr 2. The entire year is off on a day trip on Friday and the destination is about an hour away. Last year DS was so anxious about going that he had a full meltdown at the school refusing to go with the result that both of us landed up crying. This sounds like an overreaction, but it was awful. He screamed and cried and I had teachers trying to pull him off me etc.

Both the head of the school and I think that DS has some anxiety issues. However, he has been doing really well this year - he is much more settled, doing well in class and his anxiety is generally far less evident.

But, with the school trip coming up, he started playing up again today crying at school about not wanting to go in. I have asked the school if I can go along as a parent helper, but it may as it is, all parent helpers have been asked already, so they may not need me and there may not be space for me anyway.

I do not want to force DS to go as much as I know he would enjoy it. If I cannot go along as a helper, I considered driving in my own car and following the coach there so that I could still accompany him.

This is a bloody stupid idea, isn't it? The other kids may be upset that their parents could not go, DS would be pandered to by this and I may just be an irritating nuisance to the staff. I am right in this, aren't I?

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Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 25/01/2012 12:10

sorry about typos!! I did not proof read before posting.

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IndigoBell · 25/01/2012 12:12

I can't believe they didn't ask you to be a parent helper?

My school ask me to come along - but as an extra helper, so that if my DS doesn't make it, they still have enough parents......

They really, really should let you come. But if they don't I think you should keep him home.

I also think you should be doing something about his anxiety! This is way beyond normal levels of anxiety for a 7 year old.

Sparklingbrook · 25/01/2012 12:13

Yes, you are right. He will be ok. But I totally understand your concern.

titchy · 25/01/2012 12:13

Yes you're right! What woudl happen if he just didn't go?

Sparklingbrook · 25/01/2012 12:14

Where is the trip to?

irregularegular · 25/01/2012 12:16

I'd find out who the other parent helpers are and see if any of them would be happy for you to go in their place. Most of them probably don't really want to go - they are probably just being helpful.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 25/01/2012 12:30

I've been along as a parent helper a couple of times. Apparently the second time some of the other parents got a bit pissy that I was a "chosen" as I'd already been on a trip a previous year.

I always offer as it's pretty easy for me to book a full day's leave for a trip once a year, but I can't really commit to doing the workaday bits and bobs, like reading with the littlies. So don't bank on anyone giving up their place basically. They're fought for I tell ya

Having said that I do think the school should give you first dibs, given the circumstances. Chances are btw that your ds will be fine without you (he's a whole year older, no?). If you do end up following I wouldn't worry about the other children - most of them couldn't give a monkey's about waving their parents off (it's the parents who get all anxious ime).

BTW we never had any problems with trips, but ds did used to get terribly clingy, even at 7, at drop off. It seemed to sort itself out by the time he was 8.

lyinginbed · 25/01/2012 12:47

Is your current teacher aware of the problems your son had around last year's school trip? If so, s/he should certainly ask you to come along (the parent of a new boy in my daughters class class was automatically asked to accompany him on a recent school trip in case he felt nervous). If they acknowledge your son has an anxiety problem, but don't help, I'd want to know why. I also think it's perfectly fine to join the class on-site. The other kids won't notice whether you're on the coach or not. You'll just be another helping hand. Perhaps better than having your son not join in (which might exacerbate his anxiety)?

Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 25/01/2012 12:59

Thanks for all the replies! I thought I would be accused of being overly precious! His teacher is aware of his anxiety, but I don't think she knows about the meltdown last year.

DS is a lot better now than he was a year ago, and the Head had talked to SENCO about it. I understand from the head that aside from talking to him every now and then to see how he is, nothing more is being done or needs to be done.

The trip is to Portsmouth..... probably outed myself and DS now .

I have phoned the school to ask if I could go along after all. Hopefully they will be able to say yes this afternoon at pick up. I will certainly keep DS at home rather than force him to go on Friday and then DS, DH and I will take a trip through on Sunday so that he can still get to see what the others have seen.

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Sparklingbrook · 25/01/2012 13:00

I'm sorry Alliwant I just wondered if a zoo or the theatre (ie stuff for him to get engrossed in). Portsmouth is fab.

Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 25/01/2012 13:03

No need to apologise! I need not have given the details. They are learning about Nelson and the HMS Victory and DS is so into it that he has announced he wants to join the Navy to Protect People. I know he will miss out if he does not go, but I would hate to cause him distress. I understand exactly how he feels because I was the same as him when I was younger, though with all respect to my parents, they were not as understanding.

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Sparklingbrook · 25/01/2012 13:05

At least it's not somewhere dull that he has no interest in, so that's a bonus.

lyinginbed · 25/01/2012 13:08

Hopefully they say yes. Still think that if they say no you should have a word with the teacher/head - even the SENCO given s/he knows the background. I'd really be surprised if they still say no. Schools are meant to be inclusive, and not allowing you to come is inadvertently excluding your son from a class trip, which in the long run isn't going to be much help to anyone - particularly as the solution is so simple.

Seeline · 25/01/2012 13:10

Would it help if you got the teacher to go through everything that was going to happen during hte day? If he is really into the topic an insight into what the day promises might encourage him a bit more. Also, although my DCs do not have anxiety issues, they always want to know every detail of what is going to happen - I guess they just feel reassured? Has he a best friend - could it be arranged that he would sit next to him on the coach/be partners for the day? Or would he respond well to being allocated to a specific teacher/TA? I really hope you can get your DS there - it would be so much more fun with his friends.

coppertop · 25/01/2012 13:22

I agree with Seeline.

It might help if they give your ds more information about what is going to be happening on the trip. In the past I've even made my children (who have autism) little booklets with a brief outline of what will be happening. Would the school be willing to give you a basic itinerary? eg when the bus leaves, when it arrives, any breaks for snacks, lunch etc.

Looking at websites for the destination can also help, especially if there are pictures or videos availabe to look at online.

Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 25/01/2012 13:50

Thanks so much for all the good advice! I will try to ensure that I go along as a helper on Friday, failing that I will do a booklet for DS and show him pics online of what he will be seeing. Will also tell him precisely what i will be doing during the day while he is away and that I will definitely be there to collect him when he returns.

Just hope that they agree to my going along!

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DeWe · 25/01/2012 13:54

Being invited as a parent helper is often a "reward" for helping during the year. I wouldn't expect them to come and ask you unless you'd already expressed an interest. You may also need a current CRB with the school to officially go. Local authority recommends that round here I believe.

Having said that I would tall the class teacher about last year. Would he feel more relaxed if you say you are going to Portsmouth on the same day so you'd be in easy access? I know it wouldn't be usual, but maybe he could have a mobile so he "could" contact you if he needed. Having you closer and the ability of contacting you might remove some of the anxiety.

If he really struggles on the day, they could tell you what they'll do, so you could go and do it too.

Hulababy · 25/01/2012 13:58

We sometimes have additional parent helpers who come in their own cars, if we can't fit everyone on a coach.

If we have a particularly anxious child or a child who needs 1:1 support we will ask their parents to accompany us, in addition to other parental helpers.

Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 25/01/2012 13:59

I have helped in the class a bit this year and I am CRB checked for the school so hopefully that will help!

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SweetGrapes · 25/01/2012 14:14

I had this problem with dd. The way the school sorted it was to have me bring her in seperately and hand over at the museum gates and dissappear for a few hours. I picked her up again at the museum gates. But then off course, she wanted to go back on the coach!!

PastSellByDate · 25/01/2012 14:20

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere:

Hopefully the school will take you up on your kind offer to help today.

I'm sure that anyone witnessing your son meltdown last year will not begrudge your coming along this year. We have an autistic DC in my DDs' year 2 class - and his mother always attends special events, because he's much calmer/ happier in a new situation with her there. We just all understand that's how it is - and to be fair I think many like me who work - our relieved that she is. She's a lovely woman and really looks out for everybody.

Top tips if you are going: bring extra tissues, some plasters, a water bottle and a bag of emergency sweets. Try and learn names of your little group and make sure of the number (so you can count out and in wherever you go). Remember that the teachers are in overall charge - but try and keep a keen eye on anyway wandering too far away & try and get them engaged in whatever they're meant to be doing. Join in if you can - field trips can be great fun.

If you can't attend - then I say go ahead and suggest to the school that you travel separately with your DS given the anxiety issues. Odds are they'll find room in the bus for you anyway - if you're that concerned.

Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 25/01/2012 14:24

Thanks, Pastsellbydate! I am a childminder and I know some of the children in his class. I am very comfortable around kids so would be more than happy to help - not just for his sake, but for the other children, too. I do appreciate your advice, though!

I was worried that if I went in my own car it would cause more problems for the school than it would solve. It is reassuring to hear that other schools do allow this, though.

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Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 25/01/2012 14:27

What is also frustrating is that I am so sure that DS would love it once he was there. But to get him actually on the coach without me may be too much for everyone to have to cope with. That's why he did not go along last year on the trip to the beach. he was hysterical at school that morning.

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Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 25/01/2012 14:33

BTW: I am not childminding today so that is why I am online

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Almostfifty · 25/01/2012 15:02

Is it the coach, or the trip itself he's anxious about?

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