Teachers calling children idiot and stupid.

[Downnotout]

A while ago I posted on another thread about DD2s music teacher calling her an idiot or a stupid little girl for playing an incorrect note.
At the time DD expressed that although she didnt like it and it upset her she would continue with this teacher, who is the music teacher in school as she did not want to take on anything else after school. It's true we would not have time for singing/ piano/ recorder after school so I let it be. Although I did bring it up with her form teacher at parents evening.

However, DD is complaining every week now that this teacher has shouted, not just at DD in her one to one lessons but also during class music lessons, at various children. Generally along the same stupid/ idiot lines, but also some other terms which I think are inappropriate to use on primary age children.

DD has all but given up any music practice at home. It got to the stage where it was ending in tears and I fear this teachers attitude has damaged DDs enjoyment. I have spoken to a number of other parents who all report exactly the same, so I know DD is telling the truth. Some stopped lessons because of this, some think it will toughen up their DCs, but it appears to be a well known ongoing issue (for years!)

I have made an appointment to speak to the head this week. It is a small independent school and they can be very touchy about criticism. I don't know what I want from this meeting, Obviously DD is unhappy and I don't think being shut in a room with an adult who speaks to her like this for 1 1/2 hours a week is acceptable.

What should I say (without making DDs life hell if this woman finds out I've complained?) I mean should a teacher speak to children like this, and in your schools what would happen if this was the case. Would it be tolerated? Am I right to state that this is completely wrong? Are there rules for teachers about this sort of thing or is it bad practice?

Help please, because I'm nervous about confronting the situation.

I would make notes before you go in as parents can get emotional and forget what they are saying. I would state the facts and ask what the headteacher is going to do about. It is extremely inappropriate for an adult in a position of responsibility to say these things to a child. Once may be a mistake/very bad day but repeatedly over a period of time! I hope your dd and the other children's self esteem isn't hit too much by it. Also do you really want to pay for this? As a teacher I have been working in the state system for 14 years (including working in management) and am horrified, we work with children because we are passionate about helping them to do their best and learn. Best wishes.

Ps if it happened in my school the head would investigate, the teacher would be warned and the situation monitored. If after your meeting you are not happy, write to the head and cc the chair of governors. That usually does the trick. Please don't worry about your daughter and the consequences of you speaking to the head (I know it is easier said then done), if things do get worse (which I doubt) or continue then it has to be taken to the next level. Maybe get other parents involved, it is not acceptable to talk to children like that.

Thank you nmason that is what I thought. It is not just a case OS calling a child's behaviour stupid, which I think is acceptable, it is saying a child is stupid because they can't get it right.

But is it actually wrong? As in would a teacher be disciplined for it?

Ah X posts. Thanks.

Essentially, you are paying for somebody to verbally abuse your child. This 'teaching method' is not even producing any results; in fact, it is having the opposite effect and is putting your DD off music altogether.

Yes, a teacher would be disciplined for it.

Yes, it is wrong.

I teach children who tell me to fuck off all day long. I would never, EVER speak to them in this way.

some teachers in private schools think they are beyond the rules. I was privately educated from the age of 7 to 18 and the standards are not as good as you'd hope. I work in state schools and my children are state educated - this post is sounding quite militant, honestly I'm not!! Yes to what nmason says, write notes, hit them with it, bollocks to them being "touchy about criticism" - do they think they are perfect? - beyond criticism? That is totally wrong imho, and if it is the case then they should be confronted in the strongest terms. Do not let them intimidate you. Never heard the phrase "he who pays the piper calls the tune"? Insist that the teacher is interviewed, disciplined, given whatever training necessary and does not speak inappropriately to children again. You are protecting more children than your own by doing this.

I x-posted with tethers - what a spot-on post.

and a (second) afterthought. Are you aware that in independent schools, "teachers" are not required to be teacher trained, i.e. QTS? (=unqualified). Check it out.

I hope you get it sorted out. You are paying for this awful service!

We had this a few years ago with one of our Greek language teachers - DS1 mentioned in front of MIL that the teacher called some of the children something in Greek that he didn't understand and she went ballistic as it was a very insulting word for stupid. I complained, they investigated and the teacher concerned stopped (it was more an issue of acceptable teaching methods, how she taught was fine in Greece but not here) I wouldn't call my children (any children!) stupid, I wouldn't be happy with anyone else doing it.

The reaction of the form teacher was that it wasn't right and she would never speak to a child like that, but that the music teacher "got good results." I actually dispute that, but the music teacher has been there a long time....

And, yes mrsshrekthethird private schools and some of the teachers DO work in mysterious ways, especially small, family owned schools. They don't have to toe the same lines do they? That is my problem.

Really horrified at this. Yes, any teacher can slip up once - we're only human. Day in day out is totally unacceptable - this woman sounds frustrated in her work and is taking it out on the children. Definitely challenge the head but if you're not satisfied you may want to vote with your feet. There will be other schools who will be only too glad to take your hard-earned cash.

really wish we had a "like" button for Angenlico and downotout's posts

It is unacceptable in any circumstance. Go and complain to the Head.

I could get amazing results out of the children with a cattle prod. Doesn't make it ok.

cor, Tethers. Straight A's all round if we got an electric fence as well. Doubt if we'd get it past OFSTED though