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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

How bad is this and what should I do?

21 replies

itsonlyyearfour · 23/01/2012 09:34

My son in Y1 is an August born, very sensitive quiet boy who is quietly popular and very bookish, ie does not enjoy sports or running around very much, but prefers to sit down with a book although has a few friends at school and also plays a lot with girls etc

Last year we had issues with a couple of boys in his class who took a dislike to him and he came home with a few injuries. We spoke to the class teacher and also told him to take a wide berth from these boys at playtime, and with a combination of those we haven't had any problems last year (only minor incidents but nothing major).

On Friday my DS1 came home severely distressed and his sister told me that a group of 4 boys (the same two plus other two in his class) had chased him in the playground, pushed him to the floor and kicked and punched him until he managed to escape. Apparently some girls, including my daughter, managed to intervene before he got too injured, he came away with a bad scrape on his arm and a bruised back.

I rang the headteacher who was still at the school and she was very helpful and said she will talk to the boys and the staff and make sure this does not reoccur. However I can't help but be really worried about my son having to face these children every day in his own class and playground and what effect this has had on him - it is such a horrible thing to happen! I wonder if anyone else has had any experience of such things, he is only 5 poor little boy and I just feel very protective :(

Should I do anything else?

OP posts:

littleducks · 23/01/2012 09:39

Can his sister keep an eye out? I know she shouldn't have to but it might help his confidence to know his had an ally who will alert the teacher at the first sign of trouble.

IndigoBell · 23/01/2012 10:04

I wouldn't send my child back there.

SoupDragon · 23/01/2012 10:06

I would go into school and discuss the bullying with the head teacher face to face.

rabbitstew · 23/01/2012 10:11

Was no adult at the school aware of what had happened? If that level of violence and upset can be inflicted without supervising staff even having noticed or been alerted by concerned peers, I would be having a look at their behaviour policy to see what's wrong with it...

Elsjas · 23/01/2012 10:14

I would definitely go into school and have a meeting with the class teacher and the head teacher. Make sure that you are happy with their plan to ensure that your ds is safe.

BendyBob · 23/01/2012 10:18

How horrible

It's good that you have spoken to the head, but next I do think you need a face to face meeting with her and your ds's teacher to discuss this further.

You (and ds) need reassurance about what they are going to do, what supervision will be available in the playground from now on and clarity about exactly who he goes to quickly if there are any more incidents.

When my dc were at infant school, they had a special teacher with whom a child could safely discuss any problems and talk things over. Your ds needs to feel supported at school and know that they are taking this very seriously. And bullies need to know there are stiff consequences.

GooseyLoosey · 23/01/2012 10:19

Agree that you need to make sure that there is a plan to ensure your son is safe. I would also want confirmation from the school that they had talked to the parents of the bullying children and that they were fully aware of the situation (in my experience this is often not the case).

The plan needs to ensure that your ds can tell someone straight away if he feels threatened and they will take it seriously.

kickingking · 23/01/2012 10:25

I think the issue here is a possible lack of supervision. How was this able to escalate to the point it did with no staff being aware of it? I would expect that it was seen and stopped at a much earlier point, and that your son revived first aid, the other boys were sanctioned, an incident report was filed and all parents were told at the end of the day. Am speaking as a primary school teacher here.

I would be questioning the supervision in the playground here.

kickingking · 23/01/2012 10:26

recieved first aid

Original poster

itsonlyyearfour · 23/01/2012 10:49

Thanks for reassuring me that the anxiety and upset I feel is not misplaced.

I can't stop worrying today that my son is at the school and everything is ok/not ok.

I will make a proper appointment to talk to the head and the class teacher face to face.

OP posts:

MerryMarigold · 23/01/2012 10:56

My son was bullied a little last year when he was in Reception. It is really horrible and worrying, especially what it's doing to them emotionally. It is great though that your ds has his sister and some other friends. Also now the staff are aware of it, they will be looking out. My ds1 was not allowed to play with the boys (they were year above him, but were his best friend's mates) and I assume they were not allowed near him either.

What is perhaps worse though is that my ds is constantly put down by his 'best friend' (who, incidentally, also instigated the bullying last year ). This makes me so sad as it's very hard to deal with that, it's not actual hitting, but it's long term emotional damage. I hate it.

Please keep bolstering your son's confidence. And build his friendships with the kids he is friends with. Also help him to deal with these situations in future.

treas · 23/01/2012 12:01

Ask for a copy of the school's bullying policy, read it and make sure the school is following what it says it should do.

Do not let them get away with it - they should be safeguarding your child not allowing others to harm him.

NewYearEverything · 23/01/2012 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IndigoBell · 23/01/2012 12:10

I might be being stupid here, but I don't see how this can be resolved.

Sure, you can separate the kids and stop them beating him up again. But how can you stop him being worried about being beaten up again?

How can you make him feel secure at school?

If he isn't worried, then fine. But if he is worried and upset, I'm just not sure this can be resolved.

SoupDragon · 23/01/2012 12:18

Well, that's nice and reassuring for the OP

noexcuses · 23/01/2012 12:20

As he is in yr1, school should have alerted you at the end of the day to the fact there had been an incident. Either with a quick chat or note. You need to see if the the HT follows up with actions or is just good at talking the talk. Start to keep a diary of all the minor incidents as well. Good luck.

DanFmDorking · 23/01/2012 12:50

Keep a diary of the incidents and record everything that happens, date and time and what was said.
Write to the teacher about the problems. It needn?t be long and rambling just short and to the point. ?I am very disappointed to find that ? My son is very unhappy at school because ??
At the end of next week, check with the school to see what has been done. Ask them what progress has been made regarding these problems.
If you are not happy that the problems are being addressed then take it up with the Headteacher. Ask what progress has been made regarding the problems.
You may choose to approach one of the Governors about the problems ?I?m concerned about ? I want to make sure that I?m going about this in the right way?. The Governor should just check that the correct procedures are been followed.
How the school addresses parental concerns is a measure of how good the school is.

MerryMarigold · 23/01/2012 13:18

Yes, it is rather shocking that his teacher didn't speak to you. This should have come to the attention of staff a bit sooner, especially if he was hurt, and they should have relayed it to you. I would be very cross about that bit. My ds's hands went white in P.E the other day and they pulled me aside after school and told me.

Original poster

itsonlyyearfour · 23/01/2012 15:32

My son was ok going into school this morning, but it is hard to gauge how worried he was as he is not always that great at expressing his feelings about situation - I would say he is quite introverted in this sense, which makes it even harder to know what to do.

I will see how this week pans out and have already arranged for a review to take place, as suggested, thankyou. I will also keep a log just in case we have a repeat.....

OP posts:

MerryMarigold · 23/01/2012 15:54

It'sonly, he may not show it conventionally, but it will come out in other ways. With my ds it is lots of tears at silly things, or being very silly/ disobedient, sleeping badly. When he does these things I know something's not right. Try and chat with him tonight at a time he is feeling secure and close to you, like at bedtime. You can ask what sort of day he had, and whether he felt ok. It's always good for him to know he can speak openly to you.

PastSellByDate · 23/01/2012 16:49

Agree with 6 points made by DanFmDorking - extremely important to keep a record of incidents and what actions the school has informed you have taken place.

You should have received notification of an injury at school and what treatment your son received. The school is required to record incidents by law. So satisfy yourself that they have recorded the incident and treatment & you should have a copy of this (usually a receipt of some sort with tick boxes is issued).

If your school doesn't have a system of warnings in place regarding behaviour - you should suggest some form of system is implements. Our school uses Yellow and Red cards (like football) - 3 yellow warnings and you meet with the head to discuss the problems. 1 Red card & it's straight to the Head. You can be issued with a red card immediately if the behaviour is unacceptable - so 4 DCs in this case with your DS would most likely have been issued with a red card.

The school should also have some form of behavioural therapy - i.e. asking boys how they would like it if older boys beat them up? Asking them why they are doing it? What did they hope to achieve by doing it?

Our school also has student mediators to help with disputes - the mediators get some training and support from the grown ups - but help to handle small disputes in the playground and settle them fairly before they blow up into something worse.

Should this bullying be ongoing and more and more concerning I would also advise this: If the school keeps communication about these incidents to conversations or telephone calls and you are increasingly concerned (as in considering a formal complaint to LEA) you should e-mail the Head stating that you just wanted to record the content of their communications, reiterating what you understand was the information you were told, and asking them to respond within 3 days if they disagree with any of the content of the e-mail. In this way - you have a written record of the incident and what the school are informing you they are doing.

Hope that helps.

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