Child behaves differntly in school to outside of school

[pdkb37]

Has anyone else experienced the same problem

My 5yr old son socialises well outside of school.. he goes to church and is always wanting to join in with other children and talks to adults. When we go to other peoples homes he always interacts and is a very happy and well loved little boy by all who know him. I admit he doesn't always listen and we need to focus on his concentration more as he gets bored very easily but he is a very good boy and mostly does what he's told... no different to most kids his age I'd imagine.

However.... His teachers at school says he's a completely different child and has classed him as special needs and have given him an 'Individual Education Plan'. To quote what they wrote on it...

"Nature of concern - .... is finding it difficult to acquire literacy skills. His foundation stage profile scores are weak across all areas of Language for communication and thinking. .... struggles to listen but finds it hard to join in with class and group activities. He cannot articulate his ideas clearly. His social and emotional skills are significantly below average. He can communicate his basic needs but is not yet able to explain his thinking. His vocabulary is limiited and he uses simple sentences to respond to others. He rarely initiates a conversation. On occassion he is stubbon and refuses to join in. This is the only time where he expresses feelings clearly".

I have sort advise from all who know him outside of school and they were totally shocked as he is nothing like this normally... quite the opposite in fact... constantly talking, asking questions - at times we have to tell him to stop! He is VERY CHATTY!! He LOVES joining in with others and playing, and he expresses ideas VERY clearly. We also know for a fact he IS taking in what he is learning at school... he taught me more about the 'Great fire of London' in 1 day than I remember learning in the whole of my school life... including the historical date and the names of all involved i.e the baker, the man who recorded the event in a diary etc etc.... I wonder how many 5yr olds can do that!

We didn't get to see the IEP before it was sent home. When a letter was sent home asking if we would like to add anything as teacher was going to write one up after review, I was very ill with Streptococcal pneumonia (and am heavily pregnant) so I didn't return the form but it mentioned nothing abt what they were going to write. So as you can imagine we were very shocked. It certainly does NOT sound like our son at all and does not add up to the child he is outside the school environment.

Please don't get me wrong... I am more than happy for him to have the extra help if he needs it but what concerns me is outside of school he's complete opposite to what they written...

Has anyone else experienced such a thing as this? How did you deal with it please?

We have joined him up with various school clubs now in the hope it will help him if what they say is true. I wonder if he is truly happy at his school if he IS like this...

pdkb37

I can see you have a lot on your plate and this is just another worry.

I realise that having your son issued with an IEP seems very serious - but underlying this is the fact that you and friends around you all see your DS as quiet normal and inquisitive. Remember you've had 5 years to get to know him and when he's with you this is safe territory, but the school has only had a few months and very rarey has that been on a one: one basis. If this extra support is unnecessary - trust me, they'll stop it and return him to regular class time, because of the expense [and it will show a successful outcome]. However, give the school a chance. It may be that for whatever reason your DS hasn't successfully shown them that he understands what is going on - and all they are trying to do is help him.

Once you are up to it (not sure where you are with health/ pregnancy), I'd advise arranging a meeting with the teachers (possibly bring DH or a friend along as well) to talk about your DS and what you could be doing at home to help support his learning. Come to the meeting prepared with a list of your concerns/ questions (but phrased positively) - also request that examples of his work are prepared for you to see more clearly what the problems are.

Keep the meeting constructive - don't go down the road of saying 'you don't understand my DS'. Say you're concerned that he hasn't understood lessons/ kept up - but ask for concrete examples of his work or inability to follow instruction/ lessons/ etc... It's very hard to hear that your child isn't doing well but the school are being proactive which shows they want to help.

Just be certain to show your DS that you have confidence in him and his ability to learn. Try and find out more about what they'll be putting in place for your son. It may simply be that in the hub bub of a busy class - your son doesn't push to have himself heard or to ask for the teacher to explain something again, if he doesn't understand (my DD1 has this problem to a certain extent - and the teachers have to make a point of directly asking her questions). He may find all the commotion too distracting. Perhaps he will thrive with a quieter learning environment (individual lessons often in a separate learning support room) and more dedicated learning support.

Give it a chance - it may be a very good thing indeed.

Let's face it school is very different to home and many children are completely different to how they are in the security of their own familiar environment with familiar adults.
You do need to speak to the school when you are able because they should be asking you to contribute to your child's FS profile information.

I would have thought that most children are different at home and school the way that adults are different at work and home.

My children act more reserved at school than home. They aren't shy with their teachers but are not as relaxed with them as people they know from out of school.

My oldest never spoke to the teacher bar the necessary can I go to the loo? Sort of thing and the school helped him so that he could do talk to the teacher and in the class.

Don't worry- Ieps can end up being very short term and the school woldn't do it unless there was a need (financial reasons) and be grateful that it wasn't left to slide for years.

Thought things were starting to improve at school... we sat littlen down and talked to him about the IEP comments... he cried. We gave him lots of encouragement and lots of support. We haven't told him off as there's nothing to tell him off for. Every day he goes to school I ask him what he has to do in class... he replies... "I have to listen, concentrate and join in". Spoke to his teacher on the school gate last Friday and she said he had improved and joined in. I began to think 'brilliant'! We're getting somewhere - it clearly was just a confidence problem. However, tonight I collected a very tearful little boy from school who kept saying to me "I hate this school and don't want to come anymore. I want to go a different school"... (his words not mine - I haven't even suggested changing schools to him) Asked him about his friends - he said he doesn't really talk to anyone. He says he hasn't been happy there for a long time - Explains his IEP! We'll see how the rest of term goes... I'm not going to leave him in a school if he clearly isn't happy. Brings back memories from my childhood except I never spoke to my parents about my experience when I was a child. I know what it's like to stay in a school that you're not happy in (yes primary included) and it's an awful thing to exerience. If littlen truly isn't happy by end of term I will properly look into changing schools :(

No advice but just want to send you friendly thoughts and I hope things settled down or you can move him .

pdkb37

I'm so sorry to hear how upset your little DC is. I know it can be incredibly difficult - but try getting him to talk about or draw events at school. This can't be done intensively - but just let him know you want to understand what is upsetting him and give him some time to articulate (or draw) what is bothering him.

I know that the first year in school can be very traumatic for some children - especially if the teacher is particularly formal or severe. This can really upset children who previously have only encountered free play and were allowed to roam about - or ruled the roost at home.

Do talk to the teacher. Arrange an appointment. Don't talk about what you think is going on. Ask the teacher what she thinks the problem is and how she thinks she can solve it or work toward helping things get a bit better at least. Listen. Take notes. Go away and really absorb what the school is telling you. Think about how your son feels and how he's behaving and then decide. Don't rush into a decision. I've seen children cry day after day going into Class R - and then in Y1 they are completely different people. Do bear in mind - the range in ability/ social skills of 4 to 5 year olds is enormous. One months difference in age can make huge differences to achievement and understanding. Experience in a nursery environment means the school environment isn't much of a shock - again another advantage.

Try and see what can be done. Try and work with the school and explore reasonable options. But most of all try your best to be there for your son. Let him feel he can tell you each day one thing that was good about school (I drew a great picture) and one thing that was bad about school (Mrs X put me on the unhappy side of the board).

Hang in there.

Thanks guys... by the way he is in yr 1... has in a learning environment since nursery at 2yrs old and is now nearly 6... hence he used to be so happy and now isn't. Will look into it as am very curious to know what's causing him to be so upset. Half term in 2 weeks then baby is due so I'll monitor throughout that period and see how he goes.

UPDATE - GOOD NEWS!

Took my child to the doctors about his hearing and explained to the doctor what's been happening in school and following tests it turns out he has 'glue ear' which I'd never heard of before. Every symptom I described from school was a classic symptom of this. So it's not an 'learning difficulty' in that sense it's just where he can't hear probably. The doctor explained if we put our fingers in our ears the sounds turn very muffled... this is what my child hears all the time hence the reason he is falling behind at school. The good news is it is very common and treatable and he should show signs of improvement very soon, and they are going to keep an eye on him. If it doesn't improve it will be a hospital job with gromits...

I have now written a letter to his teacher explaining that the doctor has confirmed his problems are due to his glue ear and nothing else... it very good to do so

So glad to finally find an answer to his school problem... and very quickly too.

So!... if you hear (no pun intended!) of any other children going through the same thing as ours then do mention the possibility of glue ear and ensure their parents take them to the doctors to sort it asap.
Treatment is good fun.... littlen gets to blow a balloon up through his nostril!!!! lol it's hilarious watching!

Keep smiling everyone... I know I am now!!! :)

From a VERY happy and relieved mummy!! :)

I wish I had seen your original post earlier. My DS1 had gromits in both ears at 4. Different child! Its a very common thing, I'm surprised the teacher didn't pick up on it but it's good you have now found put the source of the problem