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Help me write this note to the reception teacher...

8 replies

SenseofEntitlement · 21/01/2012 19:26

DD1 is 5 in March. She started at her school in September, but most of the class had been to nursery - she is quite a timed child anyway. Well, she is opinionated and bossy and home, and very upset if things aren't done "right", but clams up in company.

Anyhow, she had her report home at the end of last term, it could have been about another child - it said she needs to work on counting to ten and learning her letters when she is independently doing much more than that at home, which I checked with teacher family members - she is obviously not showing her skills at school. I told the teacher this and she said she had her suspicions from a couple of things that DD had been doing when she didn't think anyone could see. We left it that we would all try to encourage DD to be more proud of herself.

Whenever I ask DD about it, she giggles and says that it is a funny secret, because school don't know she can do things. We can't get any more out of her than that. She does clam up quite a lot with things like this - she claims not to know things, until you say it wrong and she corrects you, that kind of thing. She used to say she couldn't read, untill I would write something like "DD2 has a smelly bum" and she would collapse in giggles. I once saw her tell someone she has never heard of the moon - this is a child who, that very day, had been telling me that shooting stars are really called meteors and that the sun is the nearest star, and that is why it looks so big and lights everything up.

She is definitely starting to be more confident at home now though - she has stopped hiding her workbooks (she was doing the work, and would beg to have more workbooks, but didn't like a fuss making) and is reading everything in sight. She is easily reading ORT level 6 read at home books - she stumbles over maybe one word in twenty, but gets it by sounding it out, and apart from that is fluent and can explain the story and so on, whereas the books coming home from school are level two. She also reads stories to her sister and likes science books very much.

She has workbooks for key stage one ( a mixture of year one and year two) at home that she quietly gets on with, or sometimes asks for help with, although she gets very annoyed if her two year old sister disrupts her work or gets questions wrong etc when they play schools.

I'm not so much bothered about her being "challenged" at school, she is only in reception, but I am worried that she is maybe feeling a bit self concious or anxious. It also seems to be a bit of a waste of time for her to be whizzing through her reading books in five minutes - we have out own books at home, of course, but five minutes a week doesn't seem right for school reading books.

Typing this, I'm starting to second guess myself- do I even need to say anything? I was considering sending in some writing she has done- eg today she made a sign to use in a game saying "Exhibition today. Art by DD1 and DD2 at " - she had looked up exhibition in a dictionary, but still, that's good in itself, right? I was also thinking of asking the teacher to just give her a level six book and see what she does - I have found that she pretends to struggle with easier stuff, because she thinks that is what to do, but with harder stuff it is making her concentrate, so she forgets to pretend, if that makes sense?

I can't do dropping off, and there isn't really any chance to see the teacher at picking up (she sends a TA to pass the children out of the door one by one with their coats etc all on) so a note seems to be the best way - it doesn't seem to be worth an actual meeting, and I don't want to her feel I am complaining - I know what DD1 is like in this regard. I've seen her do a messy homework, then do some lovely writing on something else straight away.

Gah. Any ideas? Or do I just let her get on with it, doing her little signs and reading/doing sums/talking about the world at home and pretending not to be able to do that at school? Or do I try to encourage her to give things a try at school?

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SenseofEntitlement · 21/01/2012 19:48

Should add that DD STILL isn't fully toilet trained - she wears a nappy at night and around three days a week comes home with wet clothes in a bag. She is ok now at home, unless she is distracted, but she is the same with everything - she will only do one thing at once and so we spend most of the day with no tv or radio because she either sits and stares at it or gets really wound up if she is trying to do something. So I think it might be the fact that school is so distracting that makes her have accidents.

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GingerSnapsBack · 21/01/2012 20:02

Your dd sounds a lot like me at that age. My teachers thought I was slow until I did the 7+. I don't know if they do this now but the paper I did had both the 7 and 11+ in the same one and i completed both and got 98% on the 11. I was put up a year. Encourage her in every way you can. Seriously. I never felt I had the support of my school and it made me hate it until i changed classes and got the work on my level. I don't know what you can do re the teacher but the support of my family made all the difference to me

psketti · 21/01/2012 21:54

This is just my view as a parent:

Tbh I wouldn't worry too much. Now and again - and certainly before the start of year 1 - at our school they do a reading assessment which determines which level they should be on. Quite a few children jumped up several levels at that point v quickly.

Also i think the environment changes massively in year 1. They are no longer just in a gigantic mass - they have small tables, their own place at the table - and this seems to suit some more.

Mine was totally ignored in reception - her abilities not acknowledged at all. Complete change in year 1 - she's much more involved in her little group, quite competitive and learning at the right level.

She never used to offer any information on what she knew, what she did in the holidays, what she was interested in before. Now with a smaller, competitive group - she's very keen to.

Keep working with her at home and at some point she will show her capabilities and it will be recognised. Just my view though.

PastSellByDate · 22/01/2012 05:07

Hi Sense...

I agree with psketti - this probably isn't worth going to battle about. If you're regularly reading and doing Y1/ Y2 level workbooks at home anyway, then I'd just carry on.

Children are actually quite astute - she may find that by not showing she knows things she gets more time with/ attention from a favourite TA or teacher. So what is the point of doing well - if the end result is you don't get to work with the TA/ Teacher you like?

I would just keep track at home that reading and early math work (counting to 100, maybe learning even & odd numbers - but introducing this as counting by 2, addition of numbers to 10, subtraction of numbers to 10, number bonds (possibly not just for 10 - but also knowing 1 + 3 = 4 and 2+2 = 4 and 3+1 = 4).

Things do get much more formal (and quieter) in Year 1 - and I suspect she'll adjust to that new environment accordingly.

3duracellbunnies · 22/01/2012 06:51

I guess for me it would depend on why she is doing it, if it is because she thinks it is a game and she sees everyone else's abilities and doesn't want to stand out then that is annoying but she will at some point over the next few years get fed up and start showing her ability. If she is being overlooked by teachers, or just enjoys being able to play and make junk modelling without teachers expecting any more from her or some other reason then it maybe needs more thought on how to address issues.

Our teachers have a drop in session once a week. I would take one of her maths books and a book which she can read to that can help them see the discrepancy and realise how much she is pretending for them. Often they do better at home, but this sounds a bit extream. They won't change her year, unless independent school, but at least if she starts to show her skills she will be put on an appropriate table when they differentiate.

I personally think I would rather have another face to face discussion with a teacher first, a note seems a little bit 'look what she can do for me', however one way you could help her is, with the teacher's agreement get your dd to bring in 'secret surprises' for her teacher, of things she has done at home, and gradually let her teacher in on the funny secret. If the teacher agrees she can quickly show her what she did at home, then put it back in bag, but over time your dd might agree to put it in her learning folder (our school like to have stuff from home too), and so break down the home/school barrier.

SenseofEntitlement · 22/01/2012 21:44

Thanks - I'll see if I can get hold of the teacher. DD1 did mention that she is now in a different group for "table work", but I have no idea whether that means she has moved up, down, sideways or has even moved at all.

Her latest homework was number bonds to twenty (well, it was putting twenty buttons into two jars in different ways, but it means we will start practising number bonds to 20 at home) so I suppose the school work is advancing.

It could be that she is doing massively challenging stuff at school, and I'm going to seem like a pushy parent - I might even be missing the clues that she isn't doing well. I know that, if I was HEing, I could use the stuff that she is good at to help her with the stuff she isn't, but a teacher doesn't have time for that, so I see that she has to tick the boxes.

I'm not about to put her in for mensa or anything, I'm just a bit concerned that things seem to be so different between home and school - with her having toileting trouble too, I'm worried that she could be really anxious or something and just showing it in an odd way.

OP posts:
onesandwichshort · 23/01/2012 09:08

I think if you go in and say 'we seem to have an odd thing here, are you worried about it?', that's not the same at all as going in and banging on the table about how your child is a genius, so I wouldn't worry about being pushy.

I also think that you might have something there with the anxiety. From what you'd said, I was reminded of DD's best friend from out of school, who is performing a similar kind of non co-operation routine in reception, and in her case I think it is a combination of social anxiety and being bright and unstretched.

And I do think it is worth worrying about, because it will be much easier to tackle this year, in the more relaxed atmosphere of reception; the longer you leave it, the more entrenched it might get.

IHeartOldYork · 23/01/2012 14:33

As a teacher myself I can say it is extremely useful when parents share with you what their child can do/ is interested in at home. I haven't come across the situation you are in but I would definitely want to know about it if I was your child's teacher. A face-to-face meeting would be preferable to a note as your situation sounds like one that would warrant discussion and a plan being made between you and the teacher. A note wouldn't give you or your child's teacher a chance to sort the situation out.

Good luck!

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