School decision - friendship or better results?

[mrsmoriarty]

Please help before my head explodes as i seem to be getting beyond stressed with my primary school decision. I've chosen the school that is better academically and my 2nd choice is the school where her best friend since birth will be going which is still good but not quite as good.
I preferred the teachers at my 1st choice school and they get better results and both are about the same distance from home. I can't decide if her friendship (which means the world) is just as important as the school itself. She knows a few children that are going to both and is closer with those going to my 2nd choice but the standard of education at it just isn't as good as the one i've put first.
I've had the same best friend since i was 3 so i know what having that special person with you throughout school is like. My family say that she will make new friends and that there is no certainty that they will remain friends so i am better off going to the one that offers her the better education. But i know she would rather be at the same one as her friend regardless.
Excuse my rambling, i hope it makes sense. Basically i'm concerned i should have put the school where her closest friends are going to first as this would make for a contented easy transition to primary school and not the one that is educationally better. What do you think?

We don't know.

But many advisers say that one should choose the best school for one's child. Of course there are many educational supplements for children, additional private tuition, parental tuition, etc...

There's really no way for us to tell. But one thing you should probably ask yourself fairly is: did you do what you thought was right for your child, or what was right for yourself? They're not necessarily similar.

My dd2 has known another friend since birth and we encountered this issue at nursery age, her brother goes to one school dd1 goes to another. We just say that some children go to different schools but they can still be friends. They do ballet together and soon will go to rainbows together and are excited about that. In nursery it took her a while to settle, and we were worried about the school transition, but she has done really well, made new friends and seems happy.

I wouldn't necessarily go into the details with her of why you chose other school (if you get place); just say that children all go to different schools and that is hers. By half term she may not even care about her old friend. My dd1 was only one to go to her school but only really kept up with friend I was friends with mum.

I had a best friend at another school but it was fun as we played together on weekends. We went to same secondary school and were together for first few years then drifted apart. I think if you liked the school and got a positive vibe that counts for a lot. If it all goes badly then you can always apply to change schools in a year or so, but they are so adaptable and I bet next year you will have the dilema of whether to invite old best friend to her party.

first school. she will make other friends. I say that not because you think the first school is better academically ,, as i feel that varies from one cohort to the next, but you preferred the feel of the first school and the teachers

If they are very close friends I can actually see it as a negative if they are put together. DD started school nursery with a similarly close friend and basically the 2 of them were virtually inseperable while they were there - they did have other friends too but none were allowed to get so close.

The school quiety said to me and the other girl's mum that they would separate the 2 girls in Reception but in fact the friend ended up moving house to a different part of the country so the issue didn't arise. I was disappointed for DD but actually I think it worked out well that she started Reception without an instant best friend - it made her more open to exploring the experiences Reception offered, plus of course she had to make other friends.

I've no doubt that if friend had stayed local we would have stayed in touch, in fact I think it's a positive to have "non-school" friends.

How do you know the 1st school is better academically?

Have you looked at % of kids getting L4s? L5s? or CVA?

The most important number of those is the CVA, but none of them can you trust 100%, because there are a number of subtle ways they can be manipulated.

Plus if school 2 has high pupil turnover, and school 1 doesn't, then you still can't compare their results. Because the league tables will show you what the current Y6s did - but you don't know how long those kids have been at that school.

And you certainly can't know which school will be better academically in 5 or 6 years time......

I don't think 4 year old's friendships are a basis for choosing schools, or only at the most fringe level, nor her preferences - I rarely allow 4 year olds to choose what they are going to have for supper let alone something so important.

You feel the first school is the best one for her and fits what you are seeking in a school. Make the effort to maintain her friendship if that is important to you - having a shared out of school activity like ballet is ideal as it puts the contact in the callendar (esp if they have tea together afterwards). I think that having a friend outside the school bubble is enormously valuable, especially if, as they will sometimes, things get fraught socially in class, but you will have make an effort to keep it going. From what you are saying, you will be happy to make that effort.

Also, who do you want to chose your daughter's school? You, or your child's friend's mother?

I agree with Indigo regarding that you can't really know which school is better academically. The results they publish simply reflect the abilities of the children that finished year 6 last year. However, you have looked at both schools and you prefer your first choice, so I would stick with that.

FWIW, I went to a different school from my best friend and it worked out fine. We were inseparable evenings and weekends, but were at different schools during the day. I just had different friends at school.

DS3 was best friends from birth with a little girl about 6 months older than him. She has now gone to nursery ahead of him (Attached to the school), he won't start til next year. In the interim year he has started at a different pre-school for early entitlement. In the past he would never play/talk about any child other than this little girl. A few months on and although they are still friends he has a best friend (or three) in pre-school.
Also, with DS1 I kept him a particular school that didn't suit him as that was where his friends were, it was a very bad decision. Changing schools was the best thing I ever did for him (when we moved areas), although it took a while for him to make new friends. He is still friends with his old friends and sees them when we go back 'home'.

I would choose the school you think best for your DD, she will make other friends and can still play with her old friend at weekends/after school/holidays etc.