Y1 Ds1 stressed at school and I don't know why...

[MerryMarigold]

...I think he's stressed. His behaviour is stressed - finding it hard to sleep, being silly/ aggressive/ disobedient. When I ask who is teaching him phonics he changes the subject. He is in a low phonics group, and I wonder if he's avoiding because he is ashamed or embarassed. I try to ask if anything is making him unhappy, how are his friends etc. I get nothing out of him. What can I do???

Speak to his teacher?

Is he worse at the beginning of term? Since reception, both of mine (youngest also Y1) get quite tantrumy at the start of term. The realisation that there aren't lots of days at home to relax coupled with tiredness from all that concentrating in class seems to take a couple of weeks to get used to.

If it's only phonics causing this stress have you thought about getting a couple of the jolly phonics type posters with bright colours for his room to kind of desensitise the presence of phonics?

Start of term is the pits. We have just about settled into it (DS is Reception) and now he's caught a bad cold and is coughing in the night. Groan......... I would recommend lots of chill out time at home so not too much after school, chat with teacher to check no obvious problems there and errrrr hanging on with grim determination .

Could it have suddenly got alot harder and more like 'real' school?

Transition from EYFS reception to yr 1 can be hard. Maybe they had a soft introduction so not as noticable in September or maybe it is dawning on your son this is is now and the days of playing are over.

DD's yr 1 teacher started as she meant to go on in September. It suited DD but I know alot of the boys esp younger ones found it very hard (they kept asking to play) Some are still.

Dixiechick, I think you may be right with that. His Reception teacher said the first term of Y1 would be a gentle intro and it would kick in in Jan. I asked him if there's less play now and he said, "We get 1 minute of playtime!" !

...yes, I think I will ask teacher for quick chat after school tomorrow, mostly just to see whether it's got a bit more intense at school, as my Dad is here to watch the little ones. The difficult thing is that at school he will probably play up more than usual, but not to the extent that they really notice it as loads worse - with all the other kids there are in the class. As his Mum, I can tell he's not 'quite right'.

Don't think it's beginning of term. He's usually more relaxed/ more energy at beginning of term. We had a very rough Spring term in Reception too...so I am a bit sensitive to it and getting a bit stressed myself as we struggled so much from this time last year until the last half term of the Summer term. It turned out there was lots going on socially, but I never fully figured out what set him off.

The kids he looks up to are all very advanced (inc. his best 'friend', who is not always very kind to him), so I think he does feel it. I am torn between letting him chill out after school, and doing stuff to help him catch up to them = so am trying to balance that. He's really 'bright' but in different ways, he's very imaginative, very creative and sensitive, but it takes him a lot longer to 'get' things than other kids.

My year 1 has been a bit like this the past few weeks. He's done a couple of things out of character at home and to be honest I think he needs some extra days at home. We have found that every now and then things build up and get too much. We battled through to October for the final 2 weeks and I promised myself that next time I'd pull him out and give him a day off. I sense he needs a couple now without siblings around and having to be follow instructions all day. He's normally good at school but I think it all becomes too much and then the lid comes off when he feels safe and secure etc... He also has quite a shouty teacher to.

Don't make him do catch up work at home. He wiill be working hard all day and need to rest and relax when he's home. Make sure he eats well and gets plenty of rest. Do fun things with him and praise the effort rather than the result. Children develop at different rates and you can't force it. Just celebrate the things he can do well and let him know how much you love him just the way he is. Hopefully, he will settle down soon.

Think that fairenuff has said it really.

Ds1 is in year1 and has just been telling me that work is getting harder and I get the impression that a bit of playing around was tolerated last year but this term is when real school begins as it were.

I don't think he needs to catch up 'to them' as you say. He is who he is - does that even make sense? But, it may boost his confidence if you could go over anything he's been finding tough. So have a chat with the teacher and use websites to find out what is covered in Yr1.

Then, when he's totally chilled out and a bit bored you can do a bit of catching up. (I do, as i want to make sure he understands what's been done)

I don't want him to feel that he needs to 'catch up' either but it seems to be damaging his confidence and self esteem. He hero worships a certain bunch of brighter kids (inc his best friend) and I just wish he'd find a friend who was more on a level with him - there are other boys like him because he's about average, but his friendships/ heart are elsewhere...arghhh. Another massive tantrum tonight firstly as he refused to eat (I used the chilli con carne he loved from a couple of days ago, with tortilla chips on top - thought he'd love it, such a huge treat to have crisps for dinner!). But freaked him out in his sensitive state. Then another huge tantrum as his brother got into shower first. Thought he must be shattered, but still took an hour to go to sleep, and that was with me cuddling him to sleep . Not sure what's going on.