Boys, writing, homework <sob>

[IceColdBitchy]

How, how, how do you get a reluctant boy to write the homework. When you know he can do it, his teacher says his should be able to complete it easily but he just refuses to write - even when given the option of using a computer.

Task is to write a set of instructions. Ask him and he can tell you. But because it involves putting information onto paper he is refusing. Point blank.

Not even phased by the threat of losing break at school if he doesn't complete it.
Literacy based tasks are a nightmare. Maths is done with an hour of getting home on the night set.

I suppose the fact that he will now write in school is a bonus but homework is hell. And it is all sodding attitude and stubborness.

Treats for completion have no effect
Tried taking stuff away until it is completed very little impact.
If i sit with him it makes me want to spontaneously combust. If i don't he wonders off.

Anyone found a solution?

Ds is 7.

ds is 9 and like this
I leave him to it bar giving a few prompts.
Make him face the consequences. Usually ds sends in a load of utter crap that he has scribbled down . He has often cried in an attempt to get me to do it but I don't give in.
He's just being a lazy bugger..he does loads of writing in school.

So my advice is leave him to it and hopefully the teacher will realise.
Hate bloody homework , wish they could do it at the end of the day inschool , ds would whack it off in no time.

I used to cheat! Either DS2 told me the words and I'd type them, or I told him the words and he'd type them. We'd take it in turns. Much less stressful. He was still thinking up some sentances or doing some typing, putting in capital letters and full stops, etc.

sentences

his homework is marked for use of punctuation, sentence construction and for forming the basis of their spellings lists.

Still cheat! The ones you type, but he says, will be his sentence construction, the ones he types but you say, will have his spellings, (turn autocorrect off) and punctuation.

My DS is very like that - though 12 now and getting a bit better (handwriting still like a spider though - much worse than his 8 year old sister).

The best thing I found was to break the task down for him. So he dictated what he wanted to write, I wrote it down for him, and then I read it back to him so he could write it down. Not really cheating as he was doing it all himself, just in two separate parts.

It was trying to think what to say, and how to write it legibly, spell the words, etc all at the same time that seemed to make him collapse into a sea of hopelessness.

Ever tried getting a third party to do homework with him.. Is it a possibility, at all?

Or, what about..

it is 4.30. I will just leave the book here and not look at it again. If I come and look at the book at 5.30 and there is some work in there you will get... xyz (unless you're against bribery, some people are!).

But not in a 'you won't move from this table' kind of way. Just in a we're all going along with our own business, and the work just happens to be over there.

Or would that cause too much stress (possibly very unhelpful, sorry).
I was thinking maybe feeling more control over when he does it may help.

Lastly, any chance you could talk to the teacher and let the whole 'writing down' thing drop for a while, until it becomes a non-issue again? Forcing it maybe be counter productive.
Not doing it may seem counter productive in the short term, but once it's a non-issue it may improve?

btw why doesn't he want to write, as opposed to doing numeracy?
Achievement anxiety? Perfectionist? Under confident? Lazy?

Hummm, now ds is 7 too and I reckon we've just about broken the back of this after a year of tears and tantrums. (ds is y3) It had become such a fight & both of us just dreaded literacy homework.

I'm trying to think what helped us....
First, we had a real focus on him enjoying writing. So I made an effort to try and think of things he would enjy that would include writing the odd word (seriously, just a word written at home without tears became my goal!) - so I got long strips of wallpaper laid out on the floor and he drew cartoons and filled in their speach bubbles/wrote Kapow! type stuff; or I got him to complete sentence I wrote with (potentially) cheeky stuff (Ds sister has a great big xxxxx) etc.
And he has computer/tv/ds etc time ONLY when he's written x words. Any words he liked to start with - even if they were made up gobbledegook (now we use his spelling)
All of these aren't homework of course, but they just helped get him into the habit of writing at home, iykwim.
At the same time, I backed RIGHT off - so I didn't correct anything. Just praised things I saw that were good. Sometimes asked him to self correct, but that was it. That was the hardest bit for me

And my feeling is that it was that broader shift in his attitude to writing that made the difference with his homework - although there were also a few things that made it less painful:

• small, immediate treats. Eg a sweet for each word/sentence completed
• splitting the homework across 2 nights/time slots (so write 4 instruction points before supper, and 4 before bedtime, and 2 tomorrow morning before school) - for ds at least, making literacy feel small and easily tackle-able really helped
• it's an obvious one, but having a set time/times and sticking to it helps too. Eventually.

I do now try to let ds complete on his own - but with occasional prods to ensure focus - as even now I feel my stress levels rising as I see him daydreaming and forgetting his bloody capital letters or whatever.

Sorry, that became a bit of an epic - hope some of it helps!

Can you invite a friend round (with a cooperating parent if necessary) and the kids can play for 30 mins and have a snack and then sit down to do prep together?

Bits of all of these really for us. We have had the major meltdown on more than one occasion.

Set a time a day or two ahead and agree it with DS. Make sure there is a day or two spare as contigency.

Don't try and do it straight after school, he needs a bit of down time first.

Read the sheet beforehand so you know exactly what is expected (I have been known to read it upon receipt and then remember wrongly).

Talk about it earlier in the day, bounce some ideas about.

Allow DS to choose some music to listen to while we work and to choose a pencil himself.

Talk it through, get his ideas, break it down. So, he says what he thinks, I ask a few questions and maybe make a few notes, then as he writes I remind him what he was going to put next and spell words if he asks.

Keep calm if none of this is working (hard for me)

Afterwards praise the effort (even though my heart is sinking at the fact that you can hardly read it and the picture could have been done better by a 4 year old, DS is nearly 8) have a reward, maybe a bit of telly.

tell teacher he won't do it and leave teacher to find a solution. Sometimes the teacher talking to them can work wonders. Ds2 loves his teachers, and a word from them can often re-activate him.

I used to dictate ds2's sentences, just to get him to WRITE. Sometimes I even wrote most of the sentence just to get him to write one word. That was preferable to him doing nothing.
I paid no attention to the messiness. I had an older child whose writing was v.messy and it had improved eventually. Some people just have messy writing.
Teacher used to compliment him because he actually understood the spelling words unlike most of the people in the class

Or final twist, we did the homework first thing in the morning when he was bright and cheery...there's a thought...He's less tired now at 9 yrs after school so it seems less impossible to do it in the afternoon, but it is still a struggle.

Don't let it ruin family life. You and ds are more important than some blinking punctuation exercise. Play a punctuation game instead. Play spelling pelmalism instead. Put sentences together with bits of words on scraps of paper. Write sentences you like instead of the ones they have set. Tell teacher that is what you are doing for ds's benefit and learnng style to get him back on track.

oh I've just had another idea...a set of very silly instructions might intrigue him to write it down...
You are not alone!

swanthing - you reminded me - doing homework in the morning really helped with my DS too. He's a real morning person so that was a really good time. Best if it's not the morning it's due in on, but if you can get up a littel early to find time for it that really did work well. Only problem is I'm not a morning person.....

Oh I do feel for you Ice I have been there and it sounds like lots of others have too. My ds would rather spend an hour arguing and crying in an attempt to get out of doing it, than spend half an hour getting it done. This is what we did.

Set a timetable after school so he had a routine - snack, drink, half hour free time, then he did his one job (unload the dishwasher) and homework.

In exchange he got 50p per day for his job and 50p per day for having a good attitude about school and doing homework without a fuss (yes bribery, but it's only £5 a week pocket money).

He worked at the kitchen table whilst I cooked dinner so I did not stand over him but was there to help if needed.

If he didn't do it, no tv, computer games, etc. Bedtime brought forward 5 minutes per day until he stopped complaining and got on with it.

I also made sure he had plenty of time to talk about any other worries he might have and that he was well fed and well rested.

Praise his efforts rather than his results.

He is now in Year 8 and I never have to remind him about homework. He organises it himself and is doing great.

Good luck.

Sorry i decided to watch a film post ds' bedtime.

Ds has decided that wednesday is homework night.
Tbh i can't help him with his homework as i have no idea what a time connective is and can't spell half the words on his spelling list anymore.

I have spoken to the teacher and the computer to complete the task was her idea. To knock out the handwriting perfectionism he used worry about. She also said that despite what he claims, he knows exactly what he is supposed to be doing and that the tasks shouldn't be difficult, in fact he should be able to complete them without too much trouble. Problem is why wont he put in onto paper. It took 15mins to complete the homework after i said he had five minutes then i was printing off what ever he had written and that was what he was handing in. 3 hrs of fuss and attitude which i ignored as much as possible and mned but yet he did a more then fair completion of the task in a short space of time. Drives me mad.

More homework to do tomo. Rules have been laid down. Consequences outlined. Expectations clear. hopefully it will take less then 3hours to write 6 sentences. Although based on tonight it is entirely possible.

If he found it difficult i would understand, but he knows how to construct information, he not only knows but can apply spelling and gramma/er rules. He just seems to like to pick an arguement rather then get on and focus. which is not only frustrating but also draining and utterly pointless.

it takes so much energy trying hard not to get cross and angry and make it a non-issue.

X-posts.

there are a lot of strategies that can be applied.

I am with you Purpleroses in that mornings are a big problem for me. But this could be an option for ds.

It is stupid that there is such a difference between literacy and numeracy tasks.

We did discuss teacher expectations. ie if he handed a list of 2 items in to his teacher at schoo she would be disappointed and same is true of homework.

Will come back to this when not so tired and can think clearly. thanks.

Keep at it. He will eventually comply. I know it's awful but, really, you are not asking much. As you say, it's well within his capabilities. This is one of those horribe parent responsibilities where you have to be tough with him but he really will thank you for it later. Well, not literally of course, that would be a miracle, but he will cope so much better as he goes through the rest of school. If you don't crack it now, it will just get worse. By doing this, you are being a great mum

Just wanted to agree that extracting writing from boys can be sooooo painful. '
Sorry, that's it!

I do agree with Fairenuff. We are just - Y5 -coming out the other end of this (fingers crossed, and I bet we're not out of the woods yet).

We used to laugh at the birthday cards that Ds used to get - the ones from the girls in his class would be long, immaculately written and punctuated and emotionally literate - "Dear Xxx, I really enjoy sitting next to you in class - you are a good friend and I hope you have a great birthday!" Without fail the one's from the boys would say "To Xxx from Yyy".

I also had a disagreement with DS when he was about 7 when he said re (pre printed) Thank You cards - "look, I will write 'From Xxx' or 'Love Xxx' but not 'Love from Xxx' as it is Too Many Words".

Just keep plugging away. You'll get there but it is a white knuckle ride!

This is comforting. My ds1 is 6 and he will write his own mumbo jumbo on bits of paper (made into books) till the cows come home, but when it has to be structured and make sense for homework, he wants it to be over as quickly as possible so makes it VERY short.

When you guys talk about major meltdowns, does this sound familiar?:

45 minutes of screeching whining whinging, all that time me locked into a room with said child (not letting them do anything else). Followed by 15 minutes or so of child pretending to do the task but really flubbing it, writing one letter only to insist it needs rubbing out, deliberately spelling things wrong, asking how to spell the simplest thing (like "am").
Then about 10 minutes of slightly better, less rubbing out until a single 5 word sentence is finished.
10 minutes of similar until the 2nd 10 word sentence is done.
And another 5 minutes to do the other 3x5 word sentences.

I admit it, I'm a crap mother. Because I refuse to do work for them & I don't have it in me to do a 75-90 minute thing every time DS has some written homework.

I have school age girls and they don't always like it but we just keep saying 'as soon as you've done your homework you can have some screen time.' We have yelling and screaming from them but find it's best to just keep calm and state what needs ot be done without hovering too much.
We also had a family meeting and talked about how much homework everyone had and when they wanted to do it.
DH and I wanted them to do it straight after school but the kids wanted to chill and watch some TV for a bit first. And we have found that works quite well.

ragged, get dh to do it on the weekend. My ds1 works very well with my dh.

Also I try and do homework after tea/ dinner, about 6.15. Even though this is late, he gets a bit more energy after food. Or in the morning if we have time. After school and some 'relax' time ie. about 4.30 is terrible for us as ds1 is shattered, and the relaxing just makes him feel it.