DS2 got pushed over yesterday in the playground

[OrmIrian]

He's a funny little chap. a bit old-fashioned and quite young compared to his peers. He has one good friend (who is similar TBH)in school, and one good friend out of school. He also has a few other friends in the class but they haven't wanted to play with him recently (he tells me). He is obsessed with animals and dinosaurs and spends quite a lot of his time pretending to be one. In yr 4 apparently most of the other kids think that's a bit silly. Over the years I have seen his friendship group shrink. But DS is what he is and he isn't going to change because some of the boys think him odd

Anyway, some of the boys approached him and his friend in morning break and teased him . Lunch time break they did the same thing and and then one of them hit him and pushed him over. I can just imagine his complete perplexity as to why they were doing it and how to respond. DS told the teacher and she spoke to them about it. And it didn't happen again. Not so far anyway. Which is great.

But how do I try to help DS to fit in - being an odd-ball is lovely to a mum or a granny, but all his friends seem to find him too weird. And TBH he is weird - I love him like that of course. I can blah on for hours about how articulate he is, what an amazing vocab he has, how knowledgeable he is, how funny he is etc etc but none of those things are going to help him in the playground.

DS1 was a quiet boy too - not one for the rough and tumble - but he could always stand his ground and he knew how the other kids ticked. He is now in yr 10 and undeniably cool at school Even his sister tells me so! DS2 simply can't seem to fathom other children at all. I sometimes DS1 he is a chimpanzee in human clothing - it might explain a lot ....

I could of course tell him to hit them back But as he has a spectacular temper I'm not sure it's a good idea....

Have you considered he might have ASD?

Do school have any concerns about him?

A lot of what how you describe him would fit with a dx of ASD.

If he does have ASD (and I'm not saying he does) - then you'll be able to help him more if you know that he has it.......

Do you like his teacher? If you do, speak with her/him, saying the exact same things you said here. I think one of the benefits of having good teachers is that they know how to deal with these things and, out of the many many valid and effective ways, trying the ones which are most appropriate for your child and his peers and keeping an eye on the situation.

Apols, sound like a pompous fuck, was thinking about this today so it's floating around in my head.

He's 'on the spectrum' indigo. But he functions perfectly normally in most situations. It's just getting more obvious that he is different as he ages.

I'ev been speaking to the SENCO about potential dyspraxia - she is very approachable so I might speak to her again.

Also, I have had very stressful day and finding it difficult to not swear randomly.

No problem jj I am not feeling too coherent myself.

Teacher is fine. I did have a word with her this morning but it was mainly about what she would do to stop them doing it again.

If he's on the spectrum I think you'll get lots of good advice if you post this in the SN Children's board.

Thanks indigo

Oh I was hoping more people had answered. I'd be interested, too. Our sons would probably get along, OrmIrian.

does he do any out of school activities? my son (10) does tae kwan do and it's pretty good at teaching kids techniques to deal with certain situations

Probably JJ. If DS finds a soulmate they get on fanastically well.

sea - he doesn't want to do anything, that's the problem. He goes riding once a fortnight but that's all atm. The only things he wants to do involve animals - we've looked into helping out with animal shelters etc but he;'s too young. When my others were this age they were always doing things - DD more enthusiastically than DD I might add - but DS2 just doesn't seem to want to. Beleive me I've tried!

Have you had a look at this book www.amazon.co.uk/Unwritten-Rules-Friendship-Strategies-Friends/dp/0316917303. It might give you some ideas.

hello! This seems to be his 'personality' that you are talking about so it would be worth while spending time focusing on his confidence, in a sense (sounds awful) but supporting him to understand that people can be cruel and nasty and how he can deal with things like this e.g. immediately remove himself the minute these children come near him. If he is wonderfully individual (hurrah!) then he needs to get used to perhaps being picked on (eek!) Children can identify children that are different and he does sound like he could be on the spectrum. of course I now its hard to just say "oh well people bully because they are unhappy...if you ignore then they will stop...blah blah blah" as his doesn't help. however its about embracing and celebrating his achievements, perhaps even role playing different things he could do and really practicing social interaction at every opportunity like getting him to pay for things in a shop, ensuring eye contact and a smile, asking questions of other children etc. Good luck!

Orm it is interesting to hear it from your point of view. I teach secondary aged pupils, and I have a boy in my form class who I am trying to teach social skills to - although he sounds to be a lot more 'different' to your DS and his mother is not at all supportive of him, unlike you.

Does he pretend to be an animal and annoy other children while they are playing together?

Thanks everyone.

body - "Does he pretend to be an animal" yes!

"and annoy other children while they are playing together" I don't know about that. I think he tends to stick with the kids that he 'gets'. Maybe the number of kids that appreciate his weirdness is reducing as they get older. I am dreading him going to secondary school - i really am

Try to find a fully inclusive school that will support him when it's time to transfer to secondary.
Is he happy at school? That's the main thing.